I am not sure if I should head for divorce?

I have been in a relationship for almost 6 years. When we first were together he wasn't to sure he wanted to be in a commitment. Slowly but surely he started coming around but not completely. I think he still had his partying to do as a bachelor. I have 2 children of my own and have always been more mature. He was 27 and I was 26 when we started to date. 4 years into the relationship we hit a rough road. He is in the National Guard and was working on the border helping Immigration. He started distancing himself from me and would break up with me whenever he wanted to. By this time we were engaged for 2 years. I would visit not to often because of it being far but also because he wasn't so inviting either. When he got off of the mission I knew he had done something with another woman or women. I had this bad vibe. I had seen unknown numbers that 1 ended up being a girl. After he returned from there everything has been great. We have been happy and we even got married last October because he was deployed to Iraq. Over the weekend my sister spoke to a woman on myspace asking her when my she dated this man. To make a long story short he was dating both of them at the same time. He is deployed also at another location in Iraq. I asked my sister for her number because I wanted to ask about my husband. I wanted to know that small piece that had always been denied and missing. She broke it to me and said my husband, than fiancee, had been sleeping with her friend. I don't know what to do. I am so hurt and confused. I am disgusted by his actions. I am disgusted that I am married to a man that did this to me. He has a strong attachment to both of my children but more so the youngest one. Can anyone please give me some advice. I wanted him to tell me every detail of his infidelity with this woman which sounds odd but I want to know why and if there was oral sex involved. He said no at first but now he said yes there was oral but he didn't want to tell me because he has hurt me enough. I love this man dearly but I don't think I can get passed his infidelity. It is disgusting and I looked her up on myspace and she is disgusting. Any advice?

3 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    --whew---i'm exhausted reading this. I feel for you.I'm sooo sorry about this. You need help, please get some counseling (for YOU not for the marriage). Ok, you can get couples counseling too. I've had lots of relatives and husband's co-workers go to Iraq and they come back truly ****** up. He might be having problems with what's going on over there and sex could be a release from the nightmares. Seriously. I'd try not to take it personally. It's not about you. This is about him and his inability to deal with things and people in his life. I'm sorry to hear, it's very painful I know but don't ask him anything else about what they did together. What does it matter? The biggest questions are whether he's committed to you now. Will he stop seeing her? Does he love her? how long did it go on? That's what you need to know. Not what positions they did it in. That's just torturing yourself needlessly sweetie.

    Good luck. My heart goes out to you.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Your whole letter point to a disaster in this marriage.

    And you should not be soft hearted just because of your kid

    were so attached to him.

    You must understand yourself well to make decisions

    in this matter, kids are not that hard to convince,

    you shouldn't worry about that.

    however, lately you've been guessing a lot and this seems

    bad for your marriages and your insecurities.

    Since he admitted, meaning you're right and the decisions

    you gonna make down the road will be RIGHT as well.

    But you want some advice and opinions to confirm your instincts.

    Since the kids doesn't belongs to him,

    don't try to make it worse than it already is.

    And I still believe that you're capable to look for others

    to satisfy your REAL needs.

    The bug should end here.

    Source(s): Good luck and take care.
  • Sony
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Knowing details of the affair is unnecessary, its not the act but the trust that he broke. if he is a habitual cheater then show him the door. dont stay because of the kids. if he wants to change then make sure he change and there is no more cheating, if he cheats again never get back with him, he wont change. only stay if u still care and he wants to change.

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