Hi there. I'd suggest you go to therapy or counseling, so you can address the issues you are carrying from your past. We all have past traumas and hurts; and we carry the scars - if not the wounds- with us.
The article I'm sending may be of help later on, when you feel stronger to date again. But I do ask you to consider getting professional help ASAP. That is why therapists exist...Because sometimes, no matter how smart or successful or kind we may be, we are not perfect, and we cannot see things we need to improve or to overcome.
Good luck! Ask God to guide you and heal you as well.
Stop Dating Jerks!
Advice to Avoid Heartache and Time Lost With Unworthy Partners
How can you tell if the person you are dating (male or female) is a jerk before you get serious with them?
If you are prone to this pattern in your dating life, then this simple check list below might be just what you need to turn that trend around.
People often will show you who they are right from the start IF YOU PAY ATTENTION.
If you are on "jerk-alert" watch for these behaviors these characters are famous for. The minute you start seeing any of these items, RUN to avoid the heartache and headache these people cause.
1. Watch for consistency in what s/he says and does. For example. does the person follow through on what s/he says? You can even look for consistency between conversations. Liars often trip themselves up by being inconsistent with their stories.
2. If they talk about their ex a lot - that's a red flag waving - stay away! That person is not ready for relationship, regardless of what s/he says.
3. If they talk about sex right away - that's what they're most interested in.
4. If they talk about themselves and don't ask about you - you know his/her favorite topic - themselves!
5. If they profess strong feelings quickly, don't believe a word of it. No one falls that fast, so don't get taken in by this sweet-talk that usually leads to a broken heart.
6. If they email plenty, but don't want to talk on the phone or meet - move on! There are lots of people looking for racy pen pals, not real relationships. Spare yourself the disappointment.
Here's the strongest telltale sign. If you find yourself making excuses for the person - red flag! Don't make excuses for people at the beginning of the relationship. S/he is who s/he is, so don't justify rudeness, lateness, getting stood up or any other unacceptable behavior because of the person's life situation or career issues.
People are on their very best behavior at the beginning of a relationship. That means you're already seeing the best of the best. If you don't like what you see - do yourself a favor and face the facts that it's not going to get any better.
If you want to be treated well, start by treating yourself well.
Do not put up with disrespectful behavior for any reason.
Regardless of how cute, sexy, or rich the person is, or how lonely you are, ill-mannered people don't get nicer with more time. The more you respect yourself, the more others will too.
Sometimes clients ask me - "If I've already started dating a jerk, is there any way to get him/her to be less of a jerk?" Sorry, but I have to say, "no."
A jerk is a jerk. The sooner you catch on, the sooner you can free yourself and save heartache and time. You can't change anybody, so don't even get started. That's a game at which you will surely lose.
This is a great time to be dating with nearly half of all American adults being single. Never before has the single population been this big! With so many to choose from, why settle for the crumbs a jerk will throw you? Move on to connect with a person who adds to your life and shows you the respect you deserve.
· 1 decade ago