Do You Ever Feel Like Your Whole World Had Come Crashing Down ?

Hey .. Just wanted a shoulder to whine on ... Me and My partner Matt have been together 14years and we have twins aged 11, one has special needs as you know, well last night he dropped a bombshell say he didn't love me anymore and he was or had been seeing someone else, her hubby found out and he has been stalking him ever since.. i am in bits to be honest with not a soul to talk too, now he is saying well this morning he wanted to try again .... i am like 'what the heck' i am so confused as what to do, of course i love him but do i risk again him being totally unhappy with me for him to do that in the first place, What would you do please i am so confused and i know its not the right section but you all have children

Update:

Suze thanks for answering me.. its been tough the past few years he is very distant, now he says he has been seeing someone she has kids one with autism like i do, just don't think i have the strength in me to be alone he can move on and get another girlfriend if he wants ..who the heck wants me .. i questioned my weight the way i look and me as a person

Update 2:

Thanks Tinker, i just have no body, i feel the need to cling too him, sounds sad doesn't it, i am scared that Thomas' progress will all go backwards if he goes and this makes me want him to stay but all the time i will wonder what is he doing when he goes out, just don't know if i can put myself or Kylie through that she seen everything last night and heard her dad say these things too me, Thomas of course doesn't understand and in a way i am glad he cannot

Update 3:

Thanks so much your all very kind lovely Mum's .. we have decided to split its for the best, we need to sort our finances so if anyone had advice there with you know debt matters let me know, it was a blow when he said he didn't love me fair enough but to double kick with another woman in the next breath is making me think i am not good enough ..well move on i will try now

Update 4:

i cannot choose a best answer your all amazing so too the vote it goes thanks so much

24 Answers

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  • Kay.
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    that is horrible! you definately do not deserve that! i am very sorry this happened. i think when you are dating someone and he cheats on you you should just stop seeing them but when you are married and and have been married for that amount with two kids it is a different story. the decision is ultamitley (did i spell that right? lol sorry) up to you. you know yourself and your family better and any of us. i would just advise you to try to make things work, whether or not he stays with you. you could give him another chance but i'm afraid that you might be setting yourself up for even more heartache than you are dealing with already. if you decide not to stay together than try to arrange many visits so your kids, especially thomas, can see him as much as possible under the circumstances. that might help keep thomas' progression at a somewhat steady rate. or you could try introducing something/someone new into his life to fill the void either on top of visiting his dad or just somehow filling in his place at home. try to be open with your daughter throughout this time also. i know as a kid with my parents constantly fighting it didn't help that they would lie when i asked what about. if she heard everything than just reassure her that things will be okay, because it will work out one way or the other. don't worry. and never, ever let yourself think that you are the reason he did this. he may just be dealing with a lot of stress (i know you are too) but you seem to be coping with your sons autism very well. maybe he is just thinking ahead in life: what will happen to thomas and that sort of thing. but no woman ever deserves to be treated that way. and to answer the title, yes i have felt like the world has come crashing down. this year my best friend was killed then a month later my gram died. so i feel for you, but if there is one thing i have learned from those experiences, as cliche as it is, is that every end is just a new beginning.

    good luck to you and your family, god bless :)

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Awww hunni, how awful! From your questions and answers I can tell that you are a strong person and though it may seem really difficult just now each day will get better.

    When my partner left me I was in absolute pieces and didn't think that I would cope but I found a new me and an inner strength that I never knew that I had. You have your kids and if you decide to leave him (remember that it is completely your choice as he was the one who was in the wrong) then they will always be there for you. We are now back together but that break gave me back my independance.

    I am sure that there is many people who would want you. Don't question yourself but question a man who not only betrayed and hurt you but his actions may tear apart a family. Ask him to look after the kids for the day and take a YOU day. Think through everything and go back to your partner with a clear idea in your head that you want from the conversation and what decision that you will make for the time being. That decision might not be forever but you need to decide whether you could forgive him. If it was me, I would try again as I believe in not throwing something away that you might be able to fix.

    I honestly believe that you do have the strength to do it alone if thats what you choose. You can move on too...if you can't get out much because of the kids then use the internet to find someone else (everyone else is doing it these days) and you will find someone who is loyal to you and will take your kids as a package.

    Sorry I know that I rambled on a bit but there is just so many options. I wish you all the luck in the world xxx Stay strong for your kids xxx

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  • 1 decade ago

    Oh I am so sorry....I have often read your questions on here and thought what a strong person you sound. At the moment all this is very fresh...it's only just happened...so you are still in shock...the positive thing is that he has been honest with you. He could have been deceitful and kept it to himself...he obviously loves you or he wouldn't have wanted to try again. If I were you I would try to get away on my own for even one night and day....I know that's hard slash impossible when you have kids....but if there is anyone who can help then you should do that before you talk further to your husband. An affair does not mean someone has been or is totally unhappy with you at all...it can mean that stress and the humdrum of everyday life has taken it's toll and he has looked for a thrill. I would tell him that I have not decided whether I want to be with him or not....and give him the fear of losing you and the kids. Also consider counselling when and if you sort it all out. Good luck...and being alone is sometimes what we actually need....so do not dread being alone if that is what happens...do not even think that far ahead! Good luck and be nice to yourself.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Oh Angie.I am so sorry to hear:( as I was reading this my hear dropped.I am so sorry that you are all alone.I wish I was there to give you a hug.Here is the thing,it doesn't matter that you have some extra weight you are a great person with a big heart and lots of responsibility.Anyone can see that.Matt is clearly a jerk who cares more about himself and his own selfish needs then cares for you,kylie,or Thomas.You are a very strong person and Your twins need you.I promise you will find someone who is madly in love with you 100% and also loves Kylie and Thomas.You should let him move on as hard as that might be he will do it again.How in the world will ever be able to trust him?If you stay with him there will be a lot of fighting in the house and the children will eventually figure out what is happening.I am so sorry and e-mail me anytime if you need to talk!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    oh ang !!!!

    oh i am so so sorry u have to go through this.

    whether u try again, as many have said, is ur decision.

    the only thing i will say is when i was 2, my dad left, he went off with some1 else but my mom 4gave him.

    when i was 15, he did the same, they split up and now my mom has a new fiance and iv never known her happier, we had to sell our house and my dad said some hurtful things to me and also i never saw him or heard from him in 2years, for his only childs 18th i never even got a card.

    im not saying ur hubby is as heartless as my dad, not for 1 minute, but i also think u shouldnt force urself to try if u really dont want to.

    i knwo ur children are younger but i think it would be less painful to be in a happy environment, if u were apart than a miserable 1 together.

    like i say i dnt know how things are atm, if u want to make it work then i wish u all the luck and happiness in the world, just dont force yourselves.

    i think kylie will understand, from what u have said on here she sounds very grown up for her age and i think thomas will be fine as long as he can see u both regulary xx

    please dnt feel like u need to cling becasue u have no1, i know it probably feels that way x

    i hope im making sense and i wish u all the best xxx

    EDIT: oh and hunny, iv saw u on here and u sound great, we all love u for u, not looks, as we obv dnt know what u look like. but im sure ur weight is fine and its 90% not the reason men stray because the other is 'better looking'

    my mom was a size 18-20, she lost all her weight and was a size 8 when my dad left (for a little lesbien look-a-like may i add)

    he's now with a luvly girl, younger, but nowhere near attractive....

    hunni im sure ull find some1 when ur ready, if ur ready, just give it time xxx

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  • 1 decade ago

    Sweetheart my thoughts are with you . You will have the strength to go on without him . You always come across as a very strong woman but at the moment you will be having all these thoughts running around your head of should I take him back , and would it be the right thing for you , would it be the right thing to do for your children . To be honest with you though , no one can make that decision for you but yourself. If you do not take him back you can still make sure that he is involved with Thomas and with Kylie .

    I know my answer may not be helpful , but I have been in the situation of bringing up 3 children on my own , my youngest having autism and to be faced of bringing them up on your own is a scary thing , but you do find a strength from somewhere . Where from I don't know but you do . And as for someone not wanting you because of having children and one being autistic , and not wanting you because you maybe overweight ? If they do not want you for who you are , which is a lovely person who loves her children very much , and is a decent person as well , you don't need them hun , and they are not worthy of being with you in the first place ! You deserve the best.

    If you ever need to talk you can e-mail me and I will be here for you . Take care x

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  • 1 decade ago

    Oh sweetie, I am so sorry you have to go through this. My husband cheated on me. It was the last thing I expected from him, I was so shocked and utterly devastated! Everything in me said that I *should* leave him, but I just couldn't do it. I still loved him, even though I hated what he did. He told me how sorry he was, and told me he'd understand if I left but he really hoped that I wouldn't. To this day he says it was the absolute stupidest thing he ever did. It took a lot of time to learn how to deal with it, but we did whatever it took. And while it has gotten better, the fact that it happened can never be erased. Now I can say that I am truly happy that I decided to stay, I wondered if I had made the right decision for a long time.

    Nobody can tell you what you should do. It's something you just have to figure out for yourself. But you have my love, thoughts, and support. ((((HUGS))))

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I am so sorry so read this. You have always come across as a very strong person, I don't know many people who could deal for a week with the stuff you deal with every day. You are smart and funny (I like your Facebook updates :), and as selfless as staying with him for the sake of your children is, would you really want to spend your life with someone who doesn't love you for the wonderful person you are? And even that would sort of lose it's meaning when your daughter starts to really notice what is going on. I think it's better to make a clean cut than leave the festering wound, you might be able to get back on your feet faster than you think...Good luck and stay strong whatever your decision, feel free to email me if you feel up to it:)

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  • 1 decade ago

    OMG! I feel shattered for you! How awful sweetheart! I don't really think I should give you advice on what to do as I have no idea! Sorry! The only thing I can say is that you DO have people to talk to! Look at the people on here who DO care about you and will listen anytime! I really am so sorry for your bad news and wish I could have the magic answer for you. All I can say is he must be really dumb to overlook such a caring and warmhearted and sweet person as you! Please don't despair on your own! Even if you can only talk to people through places like here don't bottle it up! Take a deep breath and take your time to think things through! Don't rush into ANY decision! I really wish you all the luck and love in the world at an earth shattering time for you! xxxxx

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  • 1 decade ago

    im sorry to hear that it must be hard for you. firstly you need to decide whats best for you and your children, he has hurt you and effected your relationship without a thought in it so consider the future of your children first. if you want to make another go of things with him then thats your choice but take it slowly as it will take a long time to regain his trust and he has a lot to prove first. if you dont want to be with him now then he will have to accept that, he done wrong and has to live with the consequences. in my personal opinion i would feel it was best for me and my daugter if we were in that situation to leave, because i would be worried it would happen over and over again and i wouldnt want that to affect my daughter. but this is your choice only, follow your heart you know him better than anyone on here and you know if he means it or not. whatever you decide to do, do it slowly and gradually because either way your children will pick up on the tension and they need to be talked to about this aswell. he has obviously got to you a lot for you to say those things about yourself which im sure arent true, dont stay with him because youre scared to be alone etc, sometimes being single is best and will make you happier than being in a relationship where neither of you are happy. you can meet someone else eventually and he will realise what hes missing and regret the things he done. good luck.

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