How do Orthodox Jews traditionally "date" or meet their spouses?

Do most of them usually do it through a matchmaker or just meet potential Jewish spouses like anyone else would? Do Modern Orthodox Jews use matchmakers?

my mother's family are Orthodox Jews and since I want to start being a religious Jew I'm going to go live with them for awhile. maybe they will help me meet someone to potentially marry, but they are more so Charedi, not modern orthodox.

9 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    It depends on the denomination of the person. Modern Orthodox (and many mainstream Orthodox) couples pretty much meet like secular people do - at weddings, events, synagogue, through friends, etc, or on online sites like frumster or sawyouatsinai (there are quite a few dating sites that are only for religious Jews, so while some use Jdate, most stick to ones where they're less likely to meet someone who's not serious about Judaism.)

    Chareidi Jews meet through the shidduch system. A shidduch is an arranged date with the intention of considering marriage. The way it works is either through family, friends, or a shadchan (matchmaker). This can be really informal, with a friend saying "hey, I have a potential shidduch for you" and describing the guy - and if you like the sound of him, you go on a date... or really formal, starting with the girl writing up a "shidduch resume" listing details about themselves and what kind of guy they're looking for, giving it to the shadchan, who then lets them know about potential dates... to super strict, where the shadchan talks to the girl's and boy's parents and they decide who is appropriate, and only then do the kids find out about one another (that tends to be how it works in Chassidic circles).

    Shidduch dates always take place somewhere public, like a restaurant or a hotel lounge. Parents are not present and the couple is not chaperoned. If the couple thinks they like each other enough, they agree to meet again. As I'm sure you know, there is no physical contact between the couple on the date at any time. Couples can agree to get engaged after as few as 3 dates, and they rarely meet more than ten times - at that point you either know if you're right for each other, or you're not.

    If you're interested in a fun look at the shidduch system in general, and how it does and doesn't work, I totally recommend this blog: - It's written by a really funny Orthodox girl in the shidduch system, still looking for Mr. Right.

    Having said all that, as a baal teshuva (someone who is choosing to be more religious), you may have a better chance at meeting someone you like by finding your own path and keeping your options open. Chareidi girls don't online date because Chareidi girls just plain don't - it's a societal pressure that you don't have to worry about because you're coming in from outside the system. And until you figure out the level of observance you personally are comfortable with, you won't know what kind of guy you're looking for, anyway.

    Source(s): I'm Orthodox Jewish
  • 1 decade ago

    Matchmaker Yenta, Shidduch

  • 3 years ago

    Really interesting question, looking forward to going through the answers

  • 1 decade ago

    Source(s): my cousin is on it
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  • cara
    Lv 4
    3 years ago

    That's a good point

  • Anonymous
    3 years ago

    I often end up posting the same question on other sites

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    don't they go to the fiddler on the roof?

    the actual fiddler, not the one time broadway musical.

  • 1 decade ago

    Hand shake

    The holy spirit is gay

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago


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