What about these Definitions For A New Age old i know but funny?
A method for going broke methodically.
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they're dead.
The linguistic crutch of inarticulate idiots.
A hole in the water surrounded by wood into which one pours money.
One who treats all women as sequels.
A pinch of tobacco, wrapped in paper, fire at one end, fool at the other.
A case for holding dead batteries.
Someone who doesn't have to take a public service exam to work for the government.
That annoying time between naps.
The confusion created when ones mind overrides the body's basic desire to choke the living daylights out of some idiot who desperately needs it.
Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
Making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.
The art of turning the bathtub tap on with your toes.
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.