She broke my heart. How does this sound?

I jsut needed to write down how I felt. I usually write poems. Really good poems actually (not to brag :). For some reason I really wanted to write a song. This is the first song I have ever written so i'm not sure how good it is? Lol I don't write music but I tried here I guess. Could you please let me know how it looks and sounds I suppose? PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

The conductor

Verse:

(guitar)

This is a story, story about a man

About this man and where his story bega-an

About...

???

(guitar and bring in drums)

She walked on in, right into my li-ife

She walked on in and made everything ri-ight

Made me feel like nothing could go wrong

And than one day...my girl was gone

This is the story, yea..when I fell in love

Chorus: (faster but with a rhythm)

Girl I’m a Trainwreck

I’m way off track

I’m stuck at the station but you’re not coming back

I keep waaaiting

I’m dying for you

Whats next girl, whats a dead man to do?

Verse:

(guitar)

So there I was, almost eighteen

And there she was, the girl from my dreams

And there we were, the sparks went fly-ing

You made me happy, without even try-ing

(guitar and bring in drums)

You told all your friends that you were in love with him

We jumped in the deep end before we learned how to swi-im

I loved every second, I loved it all

I wish we had tripped before I learned how to fa-a-all

This is a story, yea..when I fell in love

Chorus: (faster but with a rhthym)

Girl I’m a Trainwreck

I’m way off track

I’m stuck at the station but you’re not coming back

I keep waaaiting

I’m dying for you

Whats next girl, whats a dead man to do?

Verse:

(guitar)

I rushed up to see her but instead she broke my heart

She said things have changed, put me back at the start

And Girl I broooke down, I could tell from her eyes

Girl I broooke down, wanted to bleed out and die

(guitar and bring in drums)

I could tell tell tell that there was another guy

I could tell from your face, that face you make when you lie

I went home, I cried, and I cursed your name

But nothing I did could take away the PA-AY-AIN

This is a story, yea..when I fell in love

Chorus:

Girl I’m a Trainwreck

I’m way off track

I’m stuck at the station but you’re not coming back

I keep waaaiting

I’m dying for you

Whats next girl, whats a dead man to do?

Verse:

Where is my heart, that I might be needing

I can’t feel it, you have it, girl is it beating?

(guitar gets faster)

Bridge: (much faster)

I took my heart back and the train is pu-pu-pulling away

If you aren’t coming back than I’m not gonna to stay

O yea its myyyy time

Its time to move on

Girl Its myyyy time

Now I am gone

Chorus: (FAST)

Girl, I WAS a trainwreck

But now I’m back on track

Other girls will love me if you don’t love me back

I’m done waaaiting

Done dying for you

Now I’m living

I’m not living for you-oo-oooo

This is a story, yea..when I fell FROM love

9 Answers

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  • Merina
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    I like it. It needs to smoothed out, of course, but it's sweet, and has a country/taylor swift kind of vibe to me (what with all the heartbreak and such in it). It's definitely a great piece of work for your first song, though.

    It's nice that something creative and wonderful came out of your heartbreak :)

  • 1 decade ago

    Wow...it's a great song! I like it :) Actually, no, if I could hear it, I'm sure I would LOVE IT!! :)

    But, the only thing is that the last verse is slightly reminiscent of Avril Lavigne's Skaterboy :/ Slightly. Other than that, you've got a hit! :)

  • 1 decade ago

    aww thats really sad =[ i hav tears in my eyes ahhh

    i write songs too and i think u do the same as me in the chorus u kidna always start with the same word and its kidna hard not to but thats the only thing i loved it anyways =]

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Actually when i read this (no offence) i thought it was really corny...but i like it, it really makes sense and everything rhymes...soz about ur broken heart at least a beautiful song has come out of it :)

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  • 1 decade ago

    It's ok for your first time I don't mind the chorus but the rest... Meh it's ok

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    better than most of the crap they play on KISS FM and the other pop/wuss rock stations by where i live.

  • 1 decade ago

    i think it is good, i wrote a poem abt a girl i knew who pissed me off as well..

  • 1 decade ago

    aw

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    not bad, could be better

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