J-lynn
Lv 5
J-lynn asked in Pregnancy & ParentingParenting · 1 decade ago

Question about children dating?

I was just thinking about this, and wondering what other people (particularly parents)'s opinions on this were.

I was always under the impression that "dating" meant not having an exclusive relationship, but rather doing fun things with any guy/girl you wanted to. If you are just "dating" you are allowed to go on dates with more than one person. At the point it becomes "going steady" that is when you are exclusive and only date one person.

It seems that now-a-days, people as young as teens are dating exclusively and think nothing of it. They "date" one person and one person only until they break up and then they move on to another person at that point.

Do you, as parents, think this is good? Personally, I would rather my child not want to be tied down so soon. I want to encourage going on dates with any one they want to and not limit themselves to one person at a time. I want them to have fun with the whole "dating" experience and learn from it- not just have their heart broken every time something goes wrong and a relationship fails.

My kids are still young, and this is not something I have to be worried about at the moment. I'm just thinking about it and wondering what other people's opinions are on the subject.

(another thing- which is why I even bring this up- is when I see teens on here asking what they should do when they like more than one guy and they want to date both of them, but people say "NO WAY, you should only date one guy at a time!" I just don't get this rationale, when the person in question in only a teenager....)

Update:

lol.. yeah life would be much easier if they could just stay 8 forever!

Update 2:

When I use the term "dating" I do not mean a physical relationship. I am talking about "hanging out" with a person for the night. Doing things together such as going to a movie or dinner, or the arcade or something similar.

I do think physical relationships should be exclusive, but hopefully not happen at a young age.

8 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    i think it shows the gross irrationalism of our society when i see parents allowing their pre-teens and younger teenagers to go on one-on-one dates, period. i think this kind of casual view of dating and relationships is to blame for the high rate of teenage pregnancy, single parent households and the break-down of the american family. parents allow thier kids to have unmonitered computer/internet usage, unmonitered cell phones, girl/boyfriends, allow them to go on one-on-one dates and then the parents are shocked and dissapointed when their children inform them that they are pregnant/expecting a child... why the shock: you promoted the behavior that made it possible for your child to fall into this situation.

    i obviously don't approve of girl/boyfriend relationships for my children atleast until they are old enough to understand the dynamics of sex and their personal belief system as far as sex, their sexuality and what it is they want out of life including what plans they have for schooling, post-schooling job, and what they think would happen if they did conceive children due to pre-marital/casual sex...that might sound complicated, but look at it this way: dating, sex and complex relationships have the potential to end in a broken heart, domestic violence (yes, even teen relationships, do the research), teenage pregnancy, venerial desease, HIV, and all kinds of other stressful situations and all teenagers see is: the prospect for love.

    the point is, most teens and youngsters are simply ill-prepared, unexperienced, and ignorant when it comes to complex relationships.

    i know adults who shouldn't be allowed to date. i can't wait to have this conversation with my girls and i look forward to having the opportunity to exchange views with them on this subject and ATTEMPT to prepare them for the complexity of dating, relationships, sex and consequences. i want my girls to be completly prepared and fully ready for everything life and experience can bring. and i just don't think they are ready for that at 12 to 16....just my oppinion.

    -rsmc

    Source(s): mom of two...
  • 1 decade ago

    I think of this as the difference between "group dating" and "exclusive dating". I think that teens shouldn't date at all until they are 16 and then they should do the group dating thing and date a lot of different people. They can start breaking off into pairs and being exclusive when they become adults at age 18. That is what I think is appropriate, and that is what I will expect from my children.

    I think it's what you said, they need to experience meeting and being around lots of different people, weeding out what they like and what they don't like and not limiting themselves while they are so young. They need to make friends and have fun, not focus so much on romance and boyfriend/girlfriend stuff because that can all wait until they're older.

    Unfortunately, we live in a society that pushes children to be older than they really are--bombarded by ideas from the media and others. It's ridiculous, and it will be hard to abstain from all that when my children are teenagers (not for another 7 years since my oldest is only 6).

    Those are my sentiments on the subject.

  • 1 decade ago

    I think "going-steady" is a bit of an out-dated term. When I was a teen and in college, I used to go out with folks (dinner, movies, mini-golf, concert, whatever) both male and female. Those may have been "dates" but I never really thought about it. When I was "dating" someone that implied an exclusive physical relationship. I still went out with other folks. Now whether 13 year olds should be in physical relationships is another debate, btut if they are going to have them, I think one at a time isn't such a bad idea.

    Catherine

  • Moon
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    I've never really thought about it that way. I can see your point.

    When I was 13 years old, I was allowed to start "dating". If I were to be asked out by a boy, we would be exclusive. I don't know why, it just felt weird to be dating a boy and then want to date another boy because he was cuter. So, I would break up with the first boy to go out with a second.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I would not want my daughter dating a bunch of guys at once, I hope to raise her with enough self respect. Then again having a steady boyfriend does bring up other issues such as sex, AHHH can she just stay 8 forever? Life would be easy if she just stayed 8!!

  • 1 decade ago

    Well teenagers grow to be mature sometimes and dating sometimes leads so something else. What I would do is just take my daughter or son out with there boyfriend or girlfriend to a date with me and my husband there of course and just let them have fun you know just keep and eye on them. Oh and i would defenatly give them the sex talk and i would buy them protection and i would put my daughter on birthcontrol. Just tell them to enjoy life while they are still young.

  • azita
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Thank goodness for you. I'm eighteen years old, and I live at home. My mother has never let me date, and says she won't until I'm 25.

    I think that dating around, as we're calling it these days, is a great idea for teenagers, because it's important to define one's standards and preferences -- and it's just fun. :)

    Should they find what they're looking for and want to be exclusive, then good for them, I say. But they'll doubtlessly need parental guidance to help them make good decisions and maintain healthy relationships.

    Good luck! :)

  • 1 decade ago

    Teens

    Now and days are sure not like before. I believe that teens should date but not hAve sex. I would ask your kids about the meaning of a relationship and talk to them about sex.

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