Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Social SciencePsychology · 1 decade ago

I desperately wanna break out of my shell and stop being so shy and insecure. Please help?

I really hate having social anxiety. When I talk to people at school my voice is quiet because I worry about people overhearing me and making judgements. People are always like "What? I thought you said something else.." because I talk quiet and unclearly, I'm self conciouss about the my voice and the way I look.

I feel like I'm ugly, because of what even my friends have said to me. My self esteem has been pretty much destroyed. I'm 18, and at school when we have to do group work I rarely say anything and I feel concious about my laughter or every facial expression I use.

I hate being this way because in reality I'm not a quiet person at all. I feel like I've wasted so much time being afraid, I've been held back a lot by this. I wanna start living! I'll be leaving school for good in a couple of months (well before I start Uni, if I do), and nobody really knows me. They just think I'm a loser who doesn't really talk. I feel like I've lost a lot of friends who weren't loyal and didn't care for me. I don't wanna be lonely anymore. But even whenever I answer a question in class I get all shaky and my heart pounds =/

Please, please help. If there are any books or methods of help for this, let me know. I need anything that will help!

Thankyou.

Update:

Thankyou so much everyone, I will probably print out the things you have been saying to remind me I am not alone ^.^

6 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    I could have just written that! Like, when you say that you aren't a quiet person really, but you put on a quiet cover to hide yourself from others. Or having a really low self-esteem because people call you ugly and you have unfaithful friends. That is me described in a few sentences!

    I think that you first of all have to realise that you definitely aren't alone and even if people in your school put on a brave and confident front, they probably aren't who they make themselves out to be either.

    You have to 'force' yourself to do things, e.g. putting your hand up in class or speaking louder, because otherwise you will never conquer the fear.

    You also have to make youself believe that you are pretty, even if you believe you aren't, because if you force it into your head enough, you will truely start to believe it. Believe me, I tried it and I was amazed it worked, I was so sceptical, you just have to believe it enough. Tomorrow morning when you wake up you have to think, "Right, today I'm going to go out there and be beautiful and I'm going to show everyone what I nice person I can be!"

    When you are getting ready for school and no one can see you, just constantly smile- it will get you in the mood.

    It sounds stupid but like I've said over and over again, you just have to believe in it!

    I really hope you can regain your self confidence because you sound like such a nice person that no one has had the opportunity to get to know.

    :)

  • 1 decade ago

    Hi sweety! You are not alone, there are more people like you and i am still one of them. I was always shy and quiet at school, but at home I was relaxed and much more happy and much more talkative. I have social anxiety as well, but that didn't bother me a lot , because i thought with time things would get better while growing up. Everybody told me that, mainly older people.

    I am now in my 20s and i am better but still feel anxious and sometimes i have rebounds, like those days where i feel very anxious and then i have times where i am not so much. I was avoiding to start taking pills and medecine because they cause addiction, but i think there isn't another way. In highschool,times were not bad i miss them and my friends. In college, i hated it. (but thid is just my experience, it does not mean that it will be the same with you).

    I am scared of people as well, i have been to psychologists but they didn't helped me a lot i am thinking about going to a psychiatric and see how it goes...one thing i know, despite many times i hated myself and cryed for not having the life i could....we should never never give up on ourselves! really never! No matter how hard it is just keep trying.

    I don't have any friends...but i hope to make some when i start working. I know many people are fake and not really our friends but there are very nice people as well.

    If you want you can mail me and we could share some insights and experiences! Girl Power!!! =)*

  • 1 decade ago

    Wow it sounds like you feel locked in a cage! I really feel for you and i have struggled with all the same things you are going thru. There is alot of help for this. The first thing you should know is that this is a chemical thing happening in your brain , thats why you feel like its not the real you. There are alot of drugs that can help SO MUCH like paxil or zoloft or if maybe you have more than just social anxiety going on different medications. Dont be afraid to try them they wont change you they will just make you feel like the thorns are being pulled out of you and you can interact with people with ease and not second guessing urself and fighting off all the critcal voices just to keep up with a conversation then wondering if that person could tell you were being wierd...and on and on. i HIGHLY encourage you to try seeing a doc. most can help you with this pretty easily and it will be such a relief to you. Its actually pretty cool that you are about to go to college because it could be like a new beginning for you. People are alot nicer in college as well and you have a fantastic chance to reinvent yourself as ...YOURSELF! I wish you alot of luck but i know you will be able to do this because even your family doctor can prescribe something for social anxiety... if its a bigger issue they will know to send you to see someone else. Tell your parents or whoever that you want to see your doctor to talk over some stuff if you cant be open with your fam. it shouldnt be to hard. your doctor will have seen this many times you are not the first and wont be the last.Good Luck you sound like a sweet person that is just about to blossom into a happy relaxed popular person!

  • Mara
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    There are ways, so don't worry -- you'll do it! For one, I think that self-acceptance is important. So instead of hating yourself and resisting your shyness, know that you're ABSOLUTELY ok, even if you act shy sometimes. You can get books on how to overcome shyness -- there are quite a few good ones, and all of them suggest exercises. Sometimes the exercises are challenging, and you can't envision yourself doing the most challenging ones. Just remember: As you advance, your mindset changes, and you're able to take on new challenges that at one point seemed impossible! Everyday I find myself doing things that the formerly shy me would never have dreamed of doing. Finally, I think that meditation is important for everyone, not just shy people. If formal meditation (sitting down and being quiet) isn't your thing, you can just try mindfulness (just being present and aware and quieting your thinking mind). This forms the basis of self-confidence, letting yourself know that you're ok and don't need anyone's approval, and that peace of mind is always just a breath away. I can't tell you all the ways meditation will help you on your journey -- it's hard to see until you get into it.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Wow, it's like you are writing about me and how i used to be, i totally relate to this.

    What happened with me though was that i had an argument with my best friends one day, and they all turned on me and turned practically everyone in school aainst me when i was only about 11 or 12, a really important age as i was becoming an adult, and i literally got social anxiety through years of being bitched about, ignored and left out by people that were once my 'friends'. I went from being a confident, bright and popular girl, to a withdrawn, silent, super- self conscious shell of a teenager, who like you, used to shake if i was asked a question in class, and i would pretend i was ill if i knew i had a class presentation coming up at school. I couldnt look people in the eye, and must have come across as quite rude to some, as often i would be too shy to even smile or say hello to people.

    I think a lot of this stemed from my home life as well - I had no relationship with my parents, so had nobody to talk to and help me.

    I am now in my 20s and have still strugled, but am soooooooo much better than i used to be. I have trouble in relationships because for ages i was convinced i was repulsive (even though i had lots of men ask me out, i felt so ugly from deep within) but i have been seeing a therapist for a while now, have met some wonderful friends who truly love me for who i am and that i have learnt to be 100% myself with... It will come to you. School is desperately hard if you are like us, but things really do get better once you're out of that pressurised stressful environment..

    Please think about seeing a therapist, as they will be able to help you. There is a reason you are like this, and it's deeprooted somewhere in your past, so deal with it now while your still young and you will live a eautiful life without stress and anxiety x x x

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I suffered the same many years ago as a teenager low self esteem worrying what people thought about me & Id often hide away alone, I think its more than shyness - " Social anxiety" may be a better description & your Dr should be able to help, there are various meds available that just may make all the difference & then you may decide counselling could help - certainly talking about your feelings will help you as would working on ways to improve your self esteem there is help available & Id encourage you to get it as soon as you can.

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