Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

Should i allow my two year old son to see his mom?

After my ex gave birth to our son she became a violent drunk. And so i divorce her and got full custody of our son. But my son has been crying for his mom for the past two weeks and he says"were is mommy" and "why cant i see her" It makes me want to cry so bad when he ask's about her because i don't want to tell him the truth about her and everything. And my ex called up last night wanting to see if she could she our son, and well i told her i would have to think about it and everything. Because i don't want my son around her because she is so violent and such a drunk thats why i left her and took our son in the first place and everything. Any Advise?

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  • godiva
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    I commend you for not telling your son the truth about your ex. He shouldn't know about her actiions. It would only confuse and hurt him. If I would let her see him, and I would, it would have to be around you. Mabe she could come over on the weekends for a few hours around you in your home. So you can see for yourself if she has been drinking . I would not let her see him if she was drinking and tell her this beforehand. Let her know that she has destroyed your trust in her and that she has to work to build it back up again. Let her know that you want to trust her again and to be able for her to see her son. But there are a few things you have to have in order to do that. Let her know your rules. It is a terrible thing to keep one parent away from the child. The child is ultimetly the one who gets hurt the most. If the child is asking for his mother I'd let him see her as soon as possible. Set up deliberate days in which she can see him. two ar three times a week. This child needs to know his mother is around and loves him. Good luck and

    God bless you for taking this child out of a bad situation. But try and rebuild the relationship with the mother. It is so important to this childs well being.

  • 1 decade ago

    very short, scheduled supervised visits. Maybe dependent upon her entering a treatment program. Also, buy a breathalyzer (about $100 online) and require that she blow a zero or no visit.

    Since your child is so young and does not have the capacity to understand what's happening you might not want to promise him the visit. Make a surprise for him. Otherwise you'll be using the 'mommy is sick' excuse too mush.

    I know it's hard being a single dad but remember (and I speak from experience) you did the right thing for your child. Growing up in a home with a parent like that is no way to be. Kids who grow up in such dysfunctional homes often become dysfunctional adults. They don't know what a normal, loving family is like. As a single loving dad without the weight of an addict mother you can show him the right way

  • 1 decade ago

    What did the courts say? Usually they award the non-custodial parent some visitation. Did this happen? If so, you can't keep your son from his mother (just as custodial mothers can't keep their children from the father's either). If visitation wasn't awarded, what about supervised visitation?

    You can tell your child wants his mother and if you keep him from his mother, he is going to have psychological problems relating to women when he is older. I suggest you find a safe way to include his mother in his life.

    Good luck!

    Edit: I have a question for you. I went back and reviewed your previous questions and less than a week ago, you wrote the following, "OK me and my wife have been married two years and we have a 1 and a half year old son together. But last night i came home early from work and my son was not being watched and i heard noises in the bedroom...."

    So if you were still married within this past week according to two earlier questions of your's, how can you be a divorced single father with sole custody? You don't mention a drunken, violent wife in your earlier questions.

  • Tara
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Every child should know their parent .. but given that she is violent and a drunk .. visits should be only with you - with conditions, too. The conditions should be (1) sober (2) no violence (3) no ugly scenes (4) no alone time with the son (5) can't take the son anywhere (6) be pleasant with son and you (6) meet at a public place (7) you have another person present, too - at the meeting (8) no trouble whatsoever at any time (9) no crying around the son .. (10) no telling the sons things to upset him. Tell her there is 0-tolerance for breaking these conditions.

    Don't let your son be alone with your son. Be guarded at all times.

    Be sure to have this meetings at a public place (like McDonald's) .. and you have a witness with you. Document everything.

    If she pulls anything ... leave.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    If your wife is drunk 24/7 then the answer to your question is straight forward. No, under no circumstances should your little one see his mommy in this state. At no time should he be exposed to drunk and or violent behavior. I am definitely in your corner on this one.

    However, I do believe you should allow your son to see his mommy on her "good" days.

    Continue maintaining clearly defined boundaries and do not waiver. Just make sure that those boundaries are not for vindictive reasons and are solely for the purpose of shielding your son from unsavory behavior. The last thing your son needs to see is drunken violent behavior from is mommy.

    Don't worry about having to tell your son about "everything". He will not understand. What he does understand is that mommy is not around and that something is wrong. Little 2 year olds are incredibly perceptive.

    Good luck

  • JennyH
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    I wouldn't keep your son away from his mother, even though I don't blame you. But, a child needs both of their parents. I would let her come over and spend time with him. As long as your there. I agree with the supervised visits, but me being a parent myself, I would want to be the supervisor...because that's my child. After a while, if you begin to trust her and she has straightened out, maybe she can take him by herself for a day, and if not...I would not continue with supervised visits until she got help and you have proof that she is. Alcoholics are very good liars. Good Luck.

    Source(s): Mother of a 1 1/2 year old and 3 yr old. Daughter to an alcoholic.
  • Margot
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Supervised visitation and she has to be sober and in control. Go there with someone else so you can see her first...away from your son. If she is drunk, buh-bye. Do not tell your son in advance that you are taking him to see mommy. Because then your son will not be disappointed if he cannot see mommy.

    And if mommy starts to act inappropriately, gee, time to go!

  • 1 decade ago

    You're a good man for taking responsibility of your child. She needs to get help first hun, you don't want anything to happend to your child if this woman ends up drinking one day and something accidently happens. Safety is no accident-go to therapy with her if you'd like, that way you can see if she has changed.

    and if she wants to really see him, then you both meet at the park but don't your site off of her, make sure you watch her very carefully and not bring other dudes around. a civil stand by is good too

  • 1 decade ago

    It takes two people to make a baby for a reason. As the product of a divorce and also from observing the personality of my peers and their parental relationships, I suggest you let him see her. Maybe go out to like Chuck E Cheese's, let him play with his mom while you're just sitting at a distant table with a friend having some pizza.

  • Elated
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    Sure. Supervised visitation. Tell her that she has to be sober and in the presence of someone you trust. Your son gets to see his mom, which is a very good thing for him (but only if she is sober), and you get to know that you did a good thing for your son.

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