Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Arts & HumanitiesBooks & Authors · 1 decade ago

I have just written the beginning of my new story, your thought?

Michael came across as a dark knight, Don, his cousin, called him

" Vampire" as he could not tolerate a direct source of light.

He concealled his scerets by telling him he had been exposed

to a sunlight in the last summer, the UVA radiation that was

emitted from the sun beam penetrated into his skin and as the results

he was seared. Of couse no one believed his stories. His anxiety

to be bright became his tragedy like a mystery that nobody did

decipher. His skin turned white as snow of not being suntanned.

The eyes resembled candles when they emeraged through the shadow

of hell, " The desolate wolf " was his middle name. The friends

he had known hasten to leave him after they noticed how dispirited

he was,

7 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I think you shouldn't write the rest of that story 'till you can write better. Or spell.

    Alternately stop writing.

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  • 1 decade ago

    This sounds too much like Stephanie Meyer for me.

    Don't try to sound like her when you write. You lose originality.

    Don't make the mistake of using too many descriptions, or too many adjectives. Don't make him a "mis-understood poor boy".

    Basically, don't fall into the "Meyer trap" of purple prose.

    You have a great idea, but make sure you have a beta reader to help you be yourslef when writing, and to write stories with originality.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Is english your first language? I hope not because you do not have a firm grip on the english language. Stop before someone gets hurt.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Its great but I think "The desolate wolf" wouldn't be appropriate. just think of another name..hope this helps you

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  • 1 decade ago

    My boyfriends name is Michael..?

    He is quite the vampire ya know ;]

    basically, you can do better....just stop [:

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  • 1 decade ago

    dont be ridiculous.

    Big Mike.....lolwut?

    it's a beautiful story!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    lol that's funny.

    Suzie.....what does that have to do with anything? obviously he's not with you or else you wouldn't be on.

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