Funniest jokes you've ever heard?...................?

What are the funniest jokes you've ever heard?

14 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    Here it is:

    It got crowded in heaven?

    So it was decided only to accept people whoever had a really bad day on the day they had died. On the first morning when the policy was employed, St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said the first man in line, "Tell me about the day you died."

    The man said, "Oh it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early from work one day to catch her in the act. I searched all over the apartment and couldn't find him anywhere.

    So finally I went out on the balcony (we lived on the 25th floor) and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips.

    So I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, of course, but he landed in some bushes and lived.

    So I went inside, got the refrigerator, and pushed it out over the balcony and it crushed him, the strain of the act, though, gave me a heart attack, so I died."

    St Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day and that it was a crime of passion, so he let the man enter heaven. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died.

    "Well, sir, it was awful. I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment, when I slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment beneath me but then some maniac came out and started pounding my fingers! I fell, of course, but I landed in some bushes and lived! But then the guy came out and dropped a refrigerator on me!"

    St. Peter chuckles a bit, lets him into heaven and decides that he could really start to enjoy this job.

    "Tell me about the day you died, " he said to the third man.

    "Okay, picture this. I'm naked, hiding in a refrigerator ..."

  • 5 years ago

    Ok a midget walks into an elevator and the door closes. There a huge black guy next to him that looks down and says, " I'm 6 FT 5, 285 lbs, got a 14 inch dick, and my name is Turner Brown. The midget faints on the spot. The black guy wakes him up and asks if he is ok. The midget asks him what he just said. The black guy replys, I'm 6 FT 5, 285lbs, got a 14" dick, and my name is Turner Brown. The midget wipes his forehead and says, " thank God, I thought you said turn around!

    My favorite joke in the world!

    Zakk

  • 6 years ago

    Ok this one is a blonde joke :P

    So I was walking out of Walmart and I saw two blondes trying to open their car door with a coat hanger because the keys were in the car.

    The first one says "Man, you better hurry up!"

    The second one says "I'm trying!"

    The first one says again "well get a move on! It's starting to rain and the convertible top is down!"

  • 1 decade ago

    A doctor says to a patient: I've got two pieces of bad news. First is you've got cancer.

    The Patient says: What's the second?

    The doc says back: You've also got Altzeimers...

    The patient takes a deep breath and says: Well, at least i don't have cancer.

    Don't know why, that joke just cracks me up.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    A girl has a cat and a dog who are tied to a wagon

    A fireman comes up to the girl and sees her sitting in the wagon which is being pulled. He sees how the cat has a string around it's testicles.

    The fireman goes, "little girl, I think you'd go faster if you untied that thing on your cat's testes"

    and the girl goes

    "but then I wouldn't a have a siren"

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Well there this joke that I never heard so I can´t tell you since nobody ever told me the joke!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    " President George W. Bush" i heard that on the TV 2 times in 8 years it is halariouse but sad at the same time.

    Source(s): 2000 presidential elections, 2004 presidential elections
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Apparently some people still believe that Elvis Presley faked his own death?

    - Surely if you were going to fake your own death it wouldn't be in a shïtting related accident.

  • MUG
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    not a joke as such, but makes me laugh every time :L

    http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/fail-o...

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