Anonymous
Anonymous asked in HealthMental Health · 1 decade ago

can anybody help me recently lost ma mum to cancer and need help?

my mum was first diagnosed with cancer wen i was in p6 i am now 20 years old and my mum passed away about a mth ago the day b4 mothers day we read r cards out to her a couple of days b4 it happened and i wrote mum a letter telling her how proud i was of her and everything but i got the courrage to say it to her face and told her that she was the best mum in the world,. she was only 53

since my mum told me about the illness wen i was in p6 i started having panic attacks in first yr and got really scared that if i went to sleep i wouldnt wake up and that there was something wrong with me.

i have got over the sleeping issue that happened a few years ago. recently i have been having weired thoughts a week b4 my perioed and wen im on stuff like wen i was walking along a bridge a thought about jumping of it but after i thought that i was scared incase it would actualy happen cause i thought of it . i am not scudieal i dont want to end my life the thoughts are scareing me a bit and sometimes i feel like i am going a bit crasy as i had a bad patch in the summer last year thought i was going mad and crying for no reason and having a panic attack every like second. but i dont have that now although i still get the toughts and i cant stop myslef thinking about them.

also i have stared to get like anxious wen i go for car journeys and some times wen i am up town and i get like a sudden panic to go to the toilet for number 1. i still think that i am going a bit crasy and that i will end up with cancer or something like that.

me and my dad werent getting along wen mum was here and got quiet a bit of verbal and some times physical abuse from him and made me watch my mum be sick adn he use to say wat a stupied ***** u r and ur a useless friger. i felt like he was blameing me for my mum being sik and that i had a lfe and was only alowwed out 3 nights aweek even tho i have older brothers and was ok for them but some how it wasnt for me. at the time couldnt stick up for me as she was so sick. but me and my dad r ok now for the past 3 mths now.

it was realy hard to deal with mum being sick and i didnt really understand how bad she was until b4 xmas mum started to go down hill she was in hospital wen she died and was suffering alot near the end but she went very quickly in her sleep and my dad was with her and her mum and my brother it i wasnt there wen it happened we all had said r goodbyes a few days b4 that that was hard .was hard to watch that i cry every day or at night about it thinking that time wen she was in hosptal and how she would say hi hunnie wen we walked in to see her i keep thinking that she is going to walk threw the door any min now i think i cant belive she is gone

my mum always helped me with all my probems and quetions and i felt she kept me sane really miss her she was more like a best friend.

dont want to get tablets or see doctor as this makes me scared incase they say i have this wrong with me and it would me panic even more also feel like wen i talk to ppl about this i think that they see me as some one who is messed up and is loney. i thought this would be a gd way to talk about it and other ppl give me sum feed back and maybe help others feel that if they r going threw wat i am that there now alone.

thanx x

10 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    Hi there.

    Firstly I'm sooooo sorry to hear about your Mum. May she RIP! xx

    You are NOT mad, or going mad. I have clinical depression. Have had it 7 yrs, and so many times I said to the doctors that I thought I was crazy. They all told me that if you're crazy, then you don't know you're crazy. You think you're fine, but everyone around you notices your mad. So relax, you're not crazy & you're not going crazy!... You sound like you have bad nerves, abit of depression. Which is very understandable after what you have been through with your Mums illness, & losing her, and all the stuff with your Dad. You have probably kept a lot of things bottled up... We all get strange and scary thoughts sometimes. But just because we think them, it doesn't mean it's going to happen. If I think I'm going to win the Lottery, I won't win it! haha. Same as just because you think of bad things, doesn't mean it will happen. Our imaginations can be our own worst enemy at times. Even if you went to the doctors, he may not feel the need to put you on tablets, he may just refer you to a counsellor, to see if talking through things helps. If that doesn't help, then you MIGHT need some tablets just to help you through, along with the counselling. There is nothing wrong in taking tablets. I've been taking them for 7 yrs nearly. I'm only 26. Taking tablets for depression & nerves is no different from somebody with diabetes having to take tablets daily. If a little tablet a day helps you get through, then do it. We all need extra help sometimes..And it doesn't mean you will be on them forever. When you start to feel better you can slowly come off of them. If the Doc does give you tablets IT'S NOT BECAUSE YOU ARE MAD!!!! Also look online for some grief groups maybe where you can talk with others who have lost a loved one. I lost my Nan at xmas. I was so very close to her, she was my 2nd Mum, so I know how hard it is. I defiantly think your best move first is to go discuss your feelings with your Doctor. If he suggests tablets, tell him you would rather try talking to a counsellor or something first to see if that helps, if you don't want to take tablets yet...I promise he will not tell you that you are mad or anything else. Depression and nervous disorder are VERY common. Doctors see it all the time!. Please don't be scared to go. Other people can't help you if you don't let them help you, or if you don't help yourself. You will be fine. Be brave! xx

    You will never forget your Mum, nor will the pain go, but with time I suppose you get used to it. I'm sure she is so proud of you, and would want you to do whatever it takes to feel better. Don't be hard on yourself. If you ever feel alone, talk out loud to her. I'm sure she will be right there listening.. But even if you feel alone, you are never alone. There's always plenty of people there to help. ... If you let them! xx

  • 1 decade ago

    Sweetie, you are being WAY TO HARD ON YOURSELF!

    My own mother has passed and it has been over 20 years. You will never get over it but it does tend to get easier with time.

    I too, wanted to kill myself but for different reasons. I just wanted to go to Heaven long enough to make sure that my mother had found my father, then I wanted to come back.

    Times like these are out of the ordinary, you may need to see a doctor and might possibly need medication. Don't feel guilty, some people tend to handle situations better than others. I was 27 years old when mother died and I ended up seeing the doctor and getting on medication. I was ashamed at the time but now that I look back, it was the best thing that I did!

    Please be easy on your dad, he has just lost his life partner! His pain is DIFFERENT from yours. I am not saying that your pain is any less than his, just different. You are BOTH grieving, but in different way for the same person.

    Just remember that the love that you have for your mother will be equivalent to the pain that you are going to experience; love her a little, you hurt a little---love her a lot, you will hurt a lot.

    Take it ONE DAY at a time and one minute at a time if need be!

    Lock your mother in your heart and know that see can feel no pain anymore as well as see can see you now. She would NOT WANT you to be so miserable. Look towards the Heavens and give her the biggest smile you can and scream out to her that you LOVE HER AND MISS HER! Believe me, screaming helps....

    I hope I helped

    Hugs to you dear!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I lost my Dad to cancer when I was 18 (I'm 23 now) so I understand what you are going through, although reactions differ from person to person. There is nothing I can say that will make all the pain you feel go away, but when people say that time is a great healer, it's true to some extent. You will naturally learn to cope with the pain of your loss as time goes on - of course you won't ever forget her or ever forget the pain you feel now she's gone, but you'll learn to cope with it and trust me, it does get better over time. Panic attacks and so on are just how you are coping with the loss and these will also lessen as you learn to cope. You say you don't want to see a doctor but they can refer you to a bereavement counsellor which might be helpful - no medicine involved!

    I do really feel for you but it will get better, hope this helps :)

  • ?
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    I know, I've been there. My dad passed away (many years ago now) and I felt the same way you are feeling. I also lost a sweet baby to SIDS. What you're going through is normal. The whole time she was sick, your life was thrown upside down, now you're trying to get it back together, while at the same time dealing with losing your mother. Long sicknesses put a big strain on the family, like you said with your dad and you. It's a whole lot to try and process. Anyone who expects you to be done with it on a time table has never lost anybody close to them. Grieving just stinks. It feels like you'll never be able to laugh again if you want to laugh, never be able to smile. The days drag on and on. In the beginning, I would just start crying out of nowhere, multiple times a day. Sometimes it was because something reminded me of the person I loved, sometimes it was for no reason I could discern at all. I had nightmares. I sometimes would hear the doorbell ring or hear a noise and think "Oh, the baby needs me!" or "Dad must be calling, it's Saturday" and then I would remember. That part was the hardest of all. Really the only advice I can keep giving you is to keep putting one foot in front of the other. All I could do was get out of bed, shuffle through my day, go back to bed. I couldn't possibly imagine things ever getting better, I just figured I had to keep going through the motions to stay alive myself. Eventually, you smile again. You remember good things and you laugh instead of crying. But until then it's weird, it's like everything is sort of surreal. And I had that "bridge" thought so many times I thought was losing my mind. Like, you don't want to die, but you're afraid that you'll do something stupid. The lyrics to the song "Passage" by Vienna Teng seems to illustrate how grieving goes pretty well.

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    All I can say is to keep thinking and talking about it with people who want to listen until you get it sorted for yourself and you can rest easy.

    It is very hard on people who are left after someone has a long illness, I think that it affects people a lot, there is a lifestyle that goes along with somebody being seriously ill that affects everyone I think. When the person is gone you have a whole new lifestyle again.

  • 1 decade ago

    omg!

    you poor thing!

    you need some tlc for sure!

    i lost my dad 4 years ago [to that dreaded c word] & it still seems like yeaterday1

    i am lucky that i have good support [friends & family]

    but, my luv ypu don't sound so lucky.

    you really need some proffessional help, so please try your local c.a.b or libary for some groups that can help/relate to you!

    you are not alone & ppl will & can relate /undrestand how you feel!

    good luck & if you ever want afriend my email adress is:

    soniatarr@blueyonder.co.uk

    xxxxxxxxxx

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    go see a psychologist not psychiatrists because psychologists don't prescribe medication or maybe see a therapist. when my grandpa passed away my mom became extremely depressed and she sees a therapist and he has not given her any medication and she is doing better. sorry about your loss you must be strong

  • zippy
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Put your mum on gonetoosoon.org you will get lots of support that is a free site and as helped thousands of people including me xxx

  • 1 decade ago

    most teenagers go through a ohase like you're having, cept your mum passing away will make yours worse, when my mum died i just thought she wouldnt want me to be sad and mopey so i just told myself as long as i remember her she will never really die

    Source(s): experience
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Go to your GP, He should send you to a grievance councilor who should be able to help you a lot and sorry for your loss.

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.