Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 decade ago

Just need support to keep moving forward through this pain?

Over two years ago, i met a man who lives in the US online (I live in Australia). He was married. I knew from the very start that it was wrong to be more than friends, but when he said he loved me, my heart sometimes overtook my mind and i became very close to him. Through those two years, i kept struggling because my mind was saying one thing and my heart was saying another. He kept telling me that he loved me and i would get letter and cards from him and there were several times when he told me that he was ready to leave and come see me.

However, two weeks ago, i had to confront him because my heart couldn't take it anymore. I told him that i cannot be more than friends unless he's divorced because i know it's wrong and even though it hurts so much, i know i did the right thing. But then he said that we should move on, and didn't even want to be friends after he always has said that i will never loose him.

I do not need judgment right now, because i've already felt horrible. All i need is support in doing the right thing. He was very close to me but i have to keep telling myself that it was wrong and that i'm worth much more.

6 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    when i read your query i knew istantly that i had to say something. i got involved with a guy tom online. for a months we talked all the time using various social networking sites from facebook then more personally on msn, then we exchanged fone numbers and so started the intensity. i would always have a text first thing in the morning wishing me a good day and then we would regualrly send at least 20 texts to eachother each day as well as talking on the phone, it got to the point we were obsessed with eachother, i would quickly become depressed if i didnt hear from him in a number of hours. the problem became apparant when i went on holiday for a week with some friends, my fone didnt work, i couldnt handle it, not hearing from him this was when my best friend told me that i had to either meet him or stop contacting him. i couldnt face it, i then went through a bad stage with another of my male friends who told me he loved me, he later harassed me at a party and it was tom who i turned to, i never said anything to my friends about how frightened i was.we were in contact for about a year then it was me who suggested that we met, we arranged a time and a date, i waited for hours but he never showed. he rang me later that day and said he went to get on the train to see me but he couldnt do it, he wanted out.

    i was heartbroken, for about 6 weeks i suffered from depression. my family and friends had no idea what to do. it wasnt until recently that i felt that i had got over him. i decided to give myself a makeover then after hard work getting fit and making myslef feel fab i met a new guy sam, we were starting to get close. then i had a phonecall from tom to say he missed me and wanted me back. he still had such a power over me iit was really hard to say no, i managed to and now i am with sam and i am happy. i still hear from tom but he knows he missed his chance and i know that with him it was a obsession, i got addicted to him and it was lust and that was all.

    you did the right thing, it would have been the easiest thing for me to go back to tom but i didnt. get together with a best mate and tell them all that you are feeling. or alturnativly as hard as it might be, remove this guy from your life, change your number so that he cannot contact you and get yourslef out there and meet new people who apprectiate you for who you are and are there in body not just online. you did the right thing, he was a married man, however the man you cant have is always the one you want the most

    as the saying goes, one door closes another opens- good luck!

    Source(s): experience, sorry kinda spilled my heart out here
  • 1 decade ago

    Keep on truckin! You cannot believe everything that a person says. By him being married, yet stringing you along should've been a message to you. Always remember that if he does it (cheat) to her, he will do it to you. A person's character tells alot about them. If their actions are saying "I'm a dog"...believe it! Hopefully this is a lesson learned for you and you can move on to bigger and better things. A woman's intuition never lies. When your heart and mind are pulling in different directions it shows that something's not right. Also, don't go after something that's already taken. You should want better for yourself.

    Maybe you should also limit the distance between you and your person of interest. Relationships are hard enough without being long distance. It's also easier for people to lie to you if you're that far away from each other.

    Take Care

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I think you did the right thing. You would have got hurt anyways from the start b/c he did have a wife & it would be like your sharing him & his love, which no woman should not share! Even though its hard for you to leave him all together its going to be okay in the end. You do deserve much better! And it should be a nice single man with no drama =)

    Good Luck ♥

  • 4 years ago

    Hon, the fact is YOU ARE WORTH MUCH MORE! You are one amazing woman! You know what is right, you know what you want, and you know you deserve the best in life. So many women get so weak that they let their heart blind them from doing the right thing. You are an amazing example of what a real woman is! It's tough now, but you will get through this. I believe deep down you also know you will get through this. The pain is temporary..the guilt you would have felt had you let it continue would have lasted alot longer. Keep your head up and be proud of yourself sweetie. You can wake up everyday and look at yourself in the mirror without be ashamed of who you are. You are a woman who deserves to be treated like a queen in life. Don't ever forget that!

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  • 1 decade ago

    I'm so sorry that he used you in that way. However I fully support you, for whatever it's worth, in making the right decision. Just know that if he'd ever truly cared about you and respected his wife he'd have broken it off with her a while ago. It's best that you ended things now before you got more involved and invested with someone so selfish. You deserve a person who has more integrity and cares more about you and how you feel. Now that he's out of your life, there'll be a chance for that person to enter it.

    Good luck.

  • 1 decade ago

    all you can do is just try not to think bout it and just get out with some friends to take oyu r mind off of things. if your online we can here my Im BKR2662 My email address is

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