"Nice Guy Syndrome" OR Battered Girlfriend Syndrome?
Why nice guys finish last?
Is it the "nice guy syndrome" or could it possibly be that woman get so accustome to men treating them like crap that they get use to it and accept it as the "norm" and start enjoying the drama of it all, and so thats why they are attracted to the "bad boys", because thats what they know?
I think from a young age girls get treated rough & badly from little boys and then growing up they get into these early relationships that the teenage boy is only thinking one thing ( sex ) and is treating the girl with no respect or just enough attention so she stays with him, kind of like with a job that you dont really like or enjoy and people say that you only need to do just enough not to get fired... Its kind of the same senario when woman stay in abusive relationsips whether physical or mental. They think if he's showing that much attention and emotion towards her that he must really care for her??? Its like if a woman can't get a man jealous or upset about another guy he must not really like her.
Would you really truly want to be with someone who you needed to ware down and have them give in or cave into being with you? You think that you have won them over, just to find out later down the road that he's just there because he "settled" for what he can get right now until something else better comes along...
Its one thing to be attracted to confidence, but when he's not showing or putting any effort into being with you or getting to know you, what makes you think that he's going to change later down the road...?
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
The answer to your question is very complex because women are complex (as well as men). Nice guys finish last for many of the reasons you stated but women don't date the jerks (since I can't use the word I want to on here) because they want to be treated badly. No one wants that. They date the jerks for several reasons.
One reason is simply they are trained from an early age to date jerks because they can change. If you want proof I'm sure you have heard the story of the princess coming along and kissing a toad which then MAGICALLY turns into a prince and they live happily ever after? What is the morale of the story? It should be that looks can be deceiving and you should look for what's on the inside. But what usually gets mixed up in translation is women think it's the personality that is terrible but can change after that kiss or commitment. You would think they would learn after one time of going down that road but that's usually not the case and it can become a vicious cycle.
Another reason they date jerks has to do with movies. All women want the action hero or bad *** guy that goes soft for the woman in the end and sweeps her off her feet. Unfortunately, movies don't translate to real life very well and this doesn't happen. There's also the romantic movies where you have the nice guy who finally wins the girl but the movie ends after she finally realizes he's the one she should be with. Why does it end like that? It's simple, it gets boring. Imagine if the movie continued. Let's take "There's Something About Mary" great movie where the nice guy finally gets the girl... but what if the movie went on for another 45 mins after Mary decides to go with Ben Stiller's character. What if it was 45 mins of him being the nice lovable guy, buying her flowers, going out on dates, have dinners at home with her, etc... A lot of people would get bored with it, even leave the movie early. Women that do date nice guys for the first time tend to get "stuck" emotioinally. They don't know what comes next. They've got the nice guy... but the story always ends after that first kiss with "and they live happily ever after..." So they tend to back out of the relationship to date a jerk because they are bored or confused with what the relationship is supposed to be. In fact, a lot of women will bounce back and forth between nice guy and jerk because they are trying to figure out what they want.
In the end, nice guys (real nice guys) have simply matured quicker emotionally then women (key word is emotionally). They know what they want and how it's supposed to be, but women just aren't there yet. They are too young and naive to know that personality is the ONE thing you CAN NOT change. No kiss is going to turn a frog into a prince. Instead look for the prince and date him.
As a nice guy you have two choices. One, you can pretend to be a jerk to trick the girl into wanting to change you. Or two you can be patient for a girl to realize that you're the guy she should be with. Both have drawbacks. Pretending to be a jerk works, and it works good. Problem is when you switch to being a nice guy they lose interest and become bored. I know, crazy but the truth. Also, it's hard to be something you're not. Patience works, but it takes a lot of time and often times it's very frustrating waiting for some one to realize what's right in front of them.
Good luck with your quest, and it will be one. But have faith, women do wise up eventually.Source(s): Human sexual behavior, psychology, socialogy, young adolesent behavior, and many other classes.
- Mama5Lv 41 decade ago
Girls that have to treat men like that have grown up seeing that is the only way to keep a man around. If there daddy didn't have any respect for them or mommy then that's what they learn. Same thing as in if Mommy brow beat dad into staying even if he was unhappy and stayed because he thought he had to. Women who stay in abusive relationships don't' think that they can do any better. They think they can change a man. No-one can change anyone. You have to change yourself and if self loathing and abuse is all you've known it's hard to look outside of that and find healthy relationships. You tend not to know what a healthy relationship consist of. It's sad really. I think eventually most people get wise. By then though they've been through so much more crap they now accept other unacceptable abuse. It's a cycle. One I'd like to see end.
- 1 decade ago
Bad Boys are :
These things turn a woman on. Because it shows the guy is able to be rough and dominate. Shows no one tells him what to do, he answers to no one, which makes him the highest authority in his own life, which makes the girl think he -is- the highest authority.
It has nothing to do with enjoying getting beaten. Thats just you being optimistic.
Girls don't plan to marry the badboy, only young girls plan that, because they are idiots. Just like young boys are idiots.
Women like to take care of men. Thats why they like the nice guy. They say the nice guy finishes last because at an early age nice guys are ******* and dont have the courage to impress a young girl, but later in life they are able to make a move, just takes them longer, but on average, when a nice guy fits into a relationship, it lasts about 100 times longer then when a badboy is in a relationship.
Needy (nurturing factor)
And of coures, nice guys are also more level headed which=
Smart and money.= security= makes a woman happy.
There you go.
- ?Lv 41 decade ago
i do love your question, ive always wanted to find out other opinions about "nice guy Vs jerk" you've put forward some ideas i hadn't thought of..
but ive come to realize a girls opinion of a nice guy and jerk differs to a guys perspective.. like a simple example is that a lot of girls say they want nice guys, and we all know this isn't true, and while all the jerks get girls, the girls complain about all the douches/jerks that are around.
so i like to change the names around from nice guy to 'omega' and jerk to 'alpha'.
heres something i FOUND (not mine but not sure here its from)
"Omega falls prey to gossip.
-Alpha never talks about anyone.
Omega lets other people's moods affect his.
-Nobody can steal the joy of an Alpha!
Omega actually gives a **** what everyone thinks.
-Alpha's opinion matters more to others than vice versa.
Omega clings to the familiar.
-Alpha thrives in the unexpected
Omega waits for good fortune to smile on him.
-Alpha makes his own fortune
Omega is complacent enough to settle for less.
-Alpha is always trying to improve himself.
Omega fears rejection
-Alpha loves to crash & burn sometimes because it's just fun to try out new ****"
i think this is a good indication of how a potential jerk wins over a nice guy.. though the overboard disrespectful guys and actual a$s holes i can't really speak for
i hope this helps a bit? thats my input
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- 1 decade ago
Shrewdness, aelfishness and narcissism will always triumph over compassion, rapport and inner beauty. nobody knows why but i suspect that it's because of the media, young men and woman are portrayed as beautiful, intelligant etc when really they are apathetic and shrewd. I guess this proves the age old saying beauty is only skin deep
- 1 decade ago
its not that girls like to be treated like that.
it's just what some of them get use to.
and no one likes change so they always try
to find the same type of guy.
- 1 decade ago
If shes too much work then don't do it. But if there is a week spot to where she gets soft keep her there to make her fell nice
- Anonymous1 decade ago
i just donot care about nice guy syndrome or what .