Q: How many liberals does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: First you have to run it by the United Nations and get their approval. If the Security Council doesn't approve, see if you can get a resolution passed. Next you need to determine the environmental impact of changing the lightbulb. Is it an environmentally friendly lightbulb? No? Then sue the lightbulb manufacturer for violating the Kyoto Protocol (even though we didn't sign it). Next, are we going to offend anyone by changing the lightbulb? After all we don't want to be seen by the rest of the world as being unilateralist. We don't want to be seen as being aggressive and making the Arab world hate us. Back to that UN resolution, it didn't work, now what? Well, put it up to a vote, and get another resolution passed. Is that lightbulb paid for with public funds? If so, the ACLU just informed us that we are getting sued for changing the lightbulb because we mentioned God in a public place. Oh, now I forgot, when is a lightbulb a lightbulb? Shouldn't a woman be able to change a lightbulb without her husband's consent? Better get the NOW involved and see what they have to say. Are we going to offend any designated victim groups by changing this lightbulb? Just to be on the safe side, write a check to Jesse Jackson's Rainbow Coalition. How about the gays? We don't want to be seen as heteronormative, homophobic or AIDS insensitive, let's be sure that we attend all the mandated sensitivity seminars. Back to that 2nd UN resolution, it didn't work, now what? Well, let's see if we can get France to go along with another resolution. Jimmy Carter says that we really have a failed lightbulb changing policy and that we need to be more sensitive to the feelings of Fidel Castro when it comes to changing lightbulbs. Now just who is going to change that lightbulb? We need to make sure that women, union members, gays, Blacks, Hispanics are fairly represented. Back to that ACLU lawsuit, our lawyer is trying to get the ruling reversed on appeal, we probably should wait. Did France go along with our proposed resolution to the UN? Bill Clinton and Hillary are weighing in ... they claim that the lightbulb going out is linked to a vast Right Wing conspiracy that is out to get Bill Clinton. Did I mention that the Senate Democrats are filibustering to get the lightbulb changing stopped? Bad news, we've just been told that the equipment that we want to use to change the lightbulb isn't up to spec, we need to get a more expensive lightbulb changer that is environmentally friendly, safe, OSHA approved, diverse, has low cholesterol, high fiber, doesn't offend anyone, and isn't associated with tobacco or pharamceutical companies. Did you just hear, one of the people on our team was caught voting Republican and was found reading the Bible. We don't want any right wing religious extremists taking over the team, better find a vegetarian lesbian (preferrably black) to replace them. Did the UN just vote on another resoultion?