Questions for those who service lots of guys?
1. Sometimes I read that some of our users (glances at my cool friend Enno) enjoy sharing oral with lots of guys. Have you ever gotten an STD from this kind of hooking up? Perhaps the circumstances of your life make it unlikely that you will encounter someone with an STD, but it would be something that might concern me. I'd love your ruminations on this.
2. Also, when sharing oral with dozens of dudes, how do you avoid the odd chance of breaking the heart of a guy who thinks it is more than just a hookup? Or do you simply make it clear from the get-go that this is for fun?
3. At what age do you plan to make the transition to monogamy -- or do you think that is even necessary or desirable?
Thanks and hugs!
I purposely did not use the perjorative term s lut. I don't think that is a fair way to describe what I sometimes see among young gay men, or guys just coming out. I'm asking this question "without teeth or horns", just to get thoughts and feedback.
Personally I think it is good for most people to become monogamous at a certain time of life, but I'm still working out the ethics of that. I'm traditional in some ways, but willing to learn from the life experience of others, including guys younger than me.
Ice Dragon: I think it's cool that you realize you are not in a life-partnership with your buddy, but you still love each other as you play.
ok... I'm glad you're careful (what does that look like, I wonder?), and it makes me smile to hear you are romantic and looking for a guy to take your breath away.
builder dave: "siphoned off" hahahaha! That's cute. =P Yeah, I've met various guys who are very "active" especially when they first come out.
ewan20: Wow! I love your answer! You have wisdom, my friend.
Enno: I was hoping you'd reply! =)
Yes, I figured your population of high school students in a prep school might be less risky (though I can't vouch for that). How awesome that your brother is studying medicine!
Hahaha, I'm picturing you arguing a romantic guy out of having a bj from you and laughing at that scenario! I'm glad you steer such starry-eyed youths to other boys. Okay, you also value monogamy -- I could see you as a great dad, and your adopted children will be so incredibly fortunate!
I love you, young friend. Be safe! Hugs.
OMG, I hadn't thought of mono! Hmm...
I should explain, as a Christian person I value monogamy as a special calling from God reflecting either Christ the Bridegroom and his Bride the Church (for straight folk), or reflecting the eschatological life in the Spirit manifest in the love of two men or two women (for LGBT folk). I also value those feeling called by God to celibacy.
However, I'm realistic that most of us don't have the call or gift of celibacy.
Besides, unlike older generations, we are not married young, guys don't have "concubines", hahaha, and there are years of education and life experience before most people are ready and willing to enter a monogamous union.
So my question is practical -- how to maneuver that time when one is not yet monogamous, yet one has sexual needs and a drive for romance?
Your answers are proving enlightening to me, and I'm grateful for you all.
"Enno locutus; causa finita" -- LMAO!!!
OMG, a 15-year-old who has read J.H. Newman, or perhaps Augustine?! You are a priceless jewel, young man.
I am a Lutheran.
I hear what you are saying, Enno. I'd respond by saying, you have the Light of wisdom, love and truth in you -- and I think all humans share in this Light. As a Christian, I also think this Light was uniquely embodied in Jesus of Nazareth. I'm by no means exclusive, however. Though I picture Christ presently pouring out His Spirit of Light and Love on all people, I also picture the Buddha seated by His side. I am an inclusive Christian. Therefore, I welcome and embrace you as a brother, even if you wear the label agnostic. For in you there burns a bright Light, and I honor that Light in you.
I am in no way equating you two, nor am I disparaging your fun (actually I'm a touch envious that my high school days were not so adventurous), but if Rahab the harlot was a hero of faith, then I'll grant that Enno can manifest high ethical values even as he services boys and plays with them. Though my more traditional side is grateful you wish to be monogamous someday. Thanks, friend, for your words.
I see! I'm glad you are so highly educated: you are indeed a prodigy! Since we can't email, I'm more grateful than I can say to get a better understanding of you by these added details. And yes, I have noticed you hooking religious LGBT folk with gay-friendly churches. You may not think of it this way, but I'm convinced God is using you, and that makes me very happy.
Rj Hilton: I'm sorry, I can't help it, hahaha. And I know this is not R&S forum.
But believe me, I was asking this question with an open mind and heart, in order to learn and grow from the life experiences of others. It's true that, as a man in my 40s, I have some opinions. But I hope I never stop learning from others, even about things like bjs and the sexual life of 21st century gay folk. =P
Enno: I am well nigh speechless. You are more thoughtful and well-read than virtually all adults I know.
Yes, the world will be a better place because of you. Thank you for being you, in every way.
Ben!!! =) It's fantastic you've never gotten an STD (nor has anyone else who has responded, good). Hahaha, I would never wear a condom for oral either...that's just too weird. I guess it would be good to have a sense of the guy's history, as Ewan20 mentioned. And good for you to have broken only one heart. You are so appealing I thought you might break more. =) Hmm. I suspect friends can cover a lot of ground -- we all need a community of care. But to have a special guy to share life with is my dream. I have no doubt that you will have someone at your side. And you won't get senile either. =)
Your responses are all so interesting! As the Victorian Era morality is heaving its last death-throes, are we seeing a new way unfold? I suspect so.
--Youthful hookups that are fun and honest, for the time of the teens and early 20s.
It's fascinating to me to read *both* a desire for youthful variety and fun, *and* a desire for eventual monogamy.
However, I'm also aware that my question was directed to guys who do service lots of guys. So the sample is biased. Ice Dragon made it clear he is monogamous with his buddy. Does this mean some experience a kind of "serial monogamy" before settling down to a life partner? I'd guess so. If I were in college now, that might be me. I'm more conservative and romantic by nature.
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
1. I'm not too worried about it for now. I service only high school boys, so the chances of having STD's is relatively low. I am a little worried about genital herpes, and will be a lot more careful when I'm older. But for now, the risk is acceptably low to me. I have discussed this at great length with my older brother, who, as you know, is gay and studying medicine.
2, As far as breaking hearts goes, I would NEVER have sex with a guy without making it abundantly clear that i am definitely not interested in an "exclusive" or "romantic" relationship. You know how I value honesty and openness, and saying everything clearly and unambiguously up front.
If they think otherwise, I gently, but firmly and clearly tell them I'm not definitely not interested, and give them all the help I can in finding a guy that would better suit their tastes. (You've seen me do that a lot on this site). With my vast network of friends at my disposal, we usually find someone quickly (as long as the guy is willing to be totally out).
3. I'm not ready for monogamy yet, but will probably be so when I go to university next year, or soon thereafter. Yes, I will get married one day and have tons of (adopted) kids. But marriage is something I would consider only after I get my doctorate. i think I can be a good father, and that I'd get a lot of satisfaction from it.
PS: I'm going to study jurisprudence- my dream is to be a supreme court justice. I know two state justices (personal friends of my folks) and they said that I'm cut out for it and have encouraged me to pursue it. They said they'll give me all the help they can. I hope they remember me when they are deciding on Prop. 8.
EDIT: I'm actually more worried about getting mononucleosis. My older brother (the straight one) ended up with it last year and he got seriously ill. Cost him five months of his life. But you don't need oral sex for that. Just kissing is enough to get it.
EDIT2: The "romantic guys" want a whole lot more than a bj. And it isn't a matter of "arguing" them out of it. If you state your mind clearly and unambiguously, it cuts of any need for further discussion or argumentation, or even the possibility thereof.
It's more a case of "Enno locutus; causa finita".
(I get the feeling you're not Catholic; that's a pun on "Roma locuta; causa finita"- "Rome has spoken; the matter is closed").
Non-Christians and non-believers can value monogamy and marriage, too. Please don't make the mistake of being Christocentric about values. I am a agnostic, but I still consider myself a person with very high moral standards, and even when I service other guys, I strictly adhere to these standards at all times.
EDIT3: By the way, you might not be aware of it that I lead a sort of double life here. One of my missions in Y! Answers is to hook up religious LGBT's with affirming congregations. I've just helped a religious gay Jew find a synagogue for his gay wedding, and helped a Christian in Darwin, Australia find a gay-affirming pastor.
Just because I'm agnostic doesn't mean I'm hostile to religion, or that I'm ignorant of it. I highly respect genuine and constructive religious sentiment. I'm highly knowledgeable about the history and philosophy of the Catholic Church. I am interested in Roman, Medieval and Renaissance history, so this knowledge is indispensable for understanding the mentality and motives of the people of those times.
Edit 4: I've read both Confessions and City of God. I've read Newman's response to the critics of Pius IX's Syllabus of errors, but nothing else. One of my personal heroes is Pope Sylvester II, a Leonardo da Vinci type born far ahead of his time. Another is Isadore of Seville, bishop and encyclopedist.
EDIT 5: I'm also well read up on Theravada and Zen Buddhism, and Taoism, and have incorporated a lot of their ideas in my own personal philosophy. Stoics like Aurelius and Epectitus, too. You may have the impression that I am a hot headed young man, but I'm really calm, peaceful and a big believer in harmony. I only use confrontation selectively to make the world a better place in the end.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
1. No, I've been fortunate enough never to receive an STD from oral (or anal). I've actually never thought about it much before? But to use a condom for a bj...yeah, not really my thing. Are the chances high? I'm not sure.
2. The only situation I've encountered where I broke his heart was with a past relationship. It meant a lot to him and silly me, I didn't see that so much at first. But other than that everyone's known it to be for fun.
3. I have no specific age in mind. But it's only now that I've been starting to think about it. Only a week ago I was thinking how I hated domesticity, never wanted children and cringed at the thought of marriage. (ok, still don't want kids or a promise ring) but I would like someone to be with me as I get old and senile.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
-- I always ask if the person has been tested and how many people they have had sex with... then if the answers are right, I go down.
-- I would say most random hook ups are in hopes that something will result from it... but most just don't. And so some people's hearts must be broken.
-- I'm monogamous when ever there is someone I hope will be mutually monogamous with me
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Since you asked, I've siphoned off dozens of guys and that's a conservative estimate. I've never gotten any std.
2.No broken hearts when it's understood that it's just a hook-up.
3. Monogamy is for committed couples. That doesn't apply to me at this time. So it's cu* one, cu* all.
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- 1 decade ago
Ok at first I liked ur ?? it had some proof of justice to it.. But after u continued to reply in ur info u turned into a preacher in many senses... I do agree that guys and girls at some age need to learn monogamy but til than they have to live and learn that is what life is about living learning and living again... I am myself celibate have been for 2 years... I am very happy with that choice...
- Anonymous1 decade ago
well i've never gotten an STD but thats because i've been careful
people who dont know me dont fall in love with me just like that and the ones who do know me know its just a hook up
when i find true love... im rl sentimental i just dont think sex is important, i'll make the transition to monogamy when i find someone who take my breath away and who loves me...
- 1 decade ago
Those guys are sLuTs and deserve to get a std i only do bjs with my best friend and we do it for fun but i think we still love each other. but when i get in a relationship i will be monogamous.
- Anonymous4 years ago