Why should I feel ashamed of just wanting to be a mother?

In short, my main ambition is to be a mother and raise children. But in this ultra-feminist, career-oriented society I am made to feel (mainly by my peers) that this is a bad thing and that I should be aiming to be Head of some corporation.

Genuinely, what I want to do most is be a homemaker and mother. What is so wrong with that?!

18 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a stay at home mom. I'm a stay at home mom to a 3 year old little girl...and I wouldn't change it for anything. When I was in high school, I always wanted to be a registered nurse. I received a full scholarship to go to college. I attended college for 3 semesters...but deep down in my heart I knew I wanted something more. All I ever wanted was to be married and be a mom. I met the man of my dreams and we have been married for 5 years. I can't imagine my life being any other way. Trust me, if being a stay at home mom is Truly what you want, you will not be happy doing anything else. Best of luck.

  • Nothing's wrong with it. If that's your goal in life, don't let anyone hold you back from it.

    I would suggest (if you haven't already, though something about the lack of spelling errors and proper writing skills tells me you have) completing at least some college. Kids grow up, and as much as we'd all like to hang onto our kids, there'll come a time when they're not at home any more. Life's going to get pretty lonely if you're not keeping busy and have no activities to fill the void, and you don't want to cut yourself off from an opportunity for an enriching job (or even volunteering position) later.

    Please don't pigeon-hole feminists, though.

    I consider myself a feminist, and I believe that at it's heart, feminism is about choice, and those choices include whether to be a homemaker or not. It's not just the choice to work outside the home, it's a choice to not work outside the home, and neither are wrong.

    I personally cannot imagine not working outside the home, but I've always been extremely career oriented and have had people support me in that. I can't imagine what it'd be like if people (aside from the few SAHM nazi's on here that like to be obnoxious toward working moms) put pressure on me to stay home, so I don't know why anyone thinks it's okay to turn it around on you like that.

    If that's what makes you happy, do it! You're never going to please everyone, and you shouldn't live in a way that doesn't make you happy just to appease critics.

  • 1 decade ago

    Somewhere along the line, a lot of feminists lost the idea that feminism is about having a choice in what you do. Any person, man or woman, should have the right to choose a life that suits them. For some, that is working outside the home in a career. For others, it may be the traditional role of wife and mother. If that is your choice, then others should respect it. It is not that you don't know any better, or can't imagine another choice - it is that homemaking and child raising is what you wish most to do. Nothing is wrong with that, and if you are in a financial position where that is possible - go for it. Others need to respect that this is your considered decision. If they don't, they don't understand what feminism was attempting to do - allow all people to choose any path that suits them and that they can do.

  • 1 decade ago

    Being a mother is a lifetime job, but after the first 5 years it doesn't take every moment of your time,and after the first 18 years it really doesn't require much time at all. Statistically, you're going to live into your 80s. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a mother. I've been a stay-at-home mom to my four kids for almost 10 years now, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. But it makes sense to have additional goals beyond that. When the kids are grown, do you really want to fill 16 hours a day for the next several decades with housework? Most of us don't, considering there are lots of more interesting options. Even if housework is really what turns you on (I suppose it takes all kinds...), it's hard to find enough of it to fill that many hours of the day. So enjoy being a mom if that's what you want, but don't shortchange your education and your other options, because one day you may want (or need, finanicially) to do something else, as well.

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  • tamara
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    yeah i know exactly how that feels. I wanted nothing more my entire life than to settle down and raise a family in high school when they ask what you plan on doing when you graduate my answer was raise a family. they told me to be serious. I wasn't kidding. I have been accused of having no ambition, been told i'm going to be a waitress for the rest of my life and several other equally annoyting things. but now that i am pregnant with my first child i actually am the happiest i have ever been in my life. let other people chase down the crashing economy. i'm going to be a mother and when they are sitting there in 20 years with broken marriages and miserable despite having it all i'll still be happy with just my kids and my love by my side.

    I don't get it either. Why does everyone think to be successful in life you have to have a 6 digit income. i'm happy on minimum wage as long as my bills are paid and i have time to spend with my family. i could care less about keeping up with the jones, or the gates or any one else setting the trends

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Hey sweetie nothing is wrong with wanting to be a mum and staying at home, it is not just society that makes it hard for this decision but on a larger level in global economics and recessions work hard now on studying in your major or working in a childcare / preschool environment before making that big commitment and try and get a bit of a wage first ,think long and hard of other dreams and goals you had when you were younger and achieve them first then when the timing is right for you to start a family go for it ,but live a little first because once children come along it does not leave room for that much to do other than devote your love and time to them and hubby

  • 1 decade ago

    I don't think our society at large is ultra-feminist, but it sounds as if your crowd might be. There's nothing wrong with being an at-home mom, and nothing wrong with being a career-oriented woman. Indeed, I'm career-focused and one of my sisters is an at-home mom. We both are able to respect each other's decisions.

    Do what you want, but keep in mind that you may NEED to have a career at some point, so plan your education (if you haven't already finished) around that possibility. While you stay home with the kids, do volunteer work at their schools or other opportunities, just to keep developing skills, should you ever need them on your resume. Divorce, death, and disability could all appear to put you on the career track. So could the realization that your kids don't need you at home full-time anymore. So plan for both eventualities.

  • 1 decade ago

    Nothing is wrong with persuing your dreams. That is what feminism really is about. If your dream is a home, then make it happen.

    You can only feel bad if you let others make you feel that way.

    I recommend having a marketable skill such as teaching elementary education or something like that, in case your husband loses a job, or the economy is bad, or for what you can do when your kids grow up. It is a big risk in this day and age NOT to have a marketable skill in the event that you might need it. So, I would still finish my education if I were you. And either elementary education or LPN are good choice.

  • You appear to be very book smart, probably a good college education... naturally the people you choose to be around are probably a lot like that as well.

    Do waht makes you happy, if raising a family makes you happy and you're good at it, do it. There is nothing more satisfying than raising kids and helping them grow up. Some would argue that is why we were put on this earth.

    Follow your heart, always.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Sounds like they are jealous. The most beautiful thing in the world is to see a nice happy child skipping along with it's Mom during a work week and the child is not old enough to go to school, so you know she is a stay at home Mom.

    congrats on your decision.

    Good luck on finding a man that can support you in that.

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