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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in 社會與文化語言 · 1 decade ago

麻煩幫我修改英文文法?

This story is describes a beautiful woman, her name is Hsueh-Yen. She was famous dancer in China, who didn’t like make up and she always wears white cheongsam. The men always want to get marry with her. They always bring a lot of money and jewelry for her. Unfortunately, when she married with the man. The man always died or lose money or job. Some women said she was unlucky woman. If the men lived with her, they will lose everything. After she moved to Taiwan, although she had a lot of friends visited to her, but this is still less than before the glory.

In the story, the writer wants to express the decadent upper class life growing up in a materialistic society. The writer want to tells people should not be immersed in the past, only hold the present can be create a new future.

2 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
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    This story "describes" a beautiful woman, "whose" name is Hsueh-Yen. She was famous dancer in China, who didn’t like "make-up" and she always "weared" white cheongsam. The men always "wanted" to get "married" with her. They always "brought" a lot of money and jewelry "to" her. Unfortunately, when she married "to" the man. The man always died or "lost his" money "and" job. Some women said she was "an" unlucky woman. If the men lived with her, they "would" lose everything. After she moved to Taiwan, although she had a lot of friends "coming to visit" her, __ this was still less than before the glory.

    1. describes: 這邊前面還有個 is就不正確了, 我想版主您也知道一個句子不能包刮兩個動詞, 因此只要用 describes 就ok了

    2. whose name is Hsueh-Yen: 在此是補充 the woman的補語

    用 her name is Hsueh-Yen.也是可以但前面要加個 and

    "不過寫作文是儘可能精簡" 本人建議用whose name is Hsueh-Yen就好了

    3.make-up(化妝) 是名詞, 不當動詞用,

    還有這故事是講述"過去發生的事情", 就算這邊有 always, 後面的 wear, want不能用現在式, 只能用過去式

    4.get "married" with: marry要改成 married才是正確的片語

    5.brought 要改成過去式(理由同 3), brought 要接的介係詞是 to 非 for

    6."lost his" money "and" job. 這邊要加 his是因為要表明出來是"誰的",

    再來, 根據故事的發展情況, 這邊lose money or job. 不適合用or, 因為 lose money 和 job 是"發生過的事情", 用 and 連接比較妥當

    7.Some women said she was "an" unlucky woman. 這邊要加 an句意才完整

    8.if the men lived with her, they "would" lose everything.

    這邊是現在事實相反的句型, 後面的"主要子句"的助動詞 will也要改成"過去式"才是正確的(文法書上有說喔!)

    9.although she had a lot of friends "coming to visit" her, this was still less than before the glory.

    這邊的 coming 改成分詞片語修飾 friends, 若用您本來的 visited, 就跟前面的 had 形成兩個動詞同時存在的情況了

    although 不會接 but

    2009-04-18 09:51:24 補充:

    In the story, the writer "expresses an idea about" the decadent upper class life growing up in a materialistic society. The writer "also wants" to "tell" people "that we" should not be immersed in the past, "and that" only the present "moment" can "create" a new future.

    2009-04-18 09:51:34 補充:

    1. 這邊我覺得用 the writer wants to 不正確,

    因為want to 顧名思義就是 "想要做", 這樣給讀者的感覺是那種對這邊文章"不確定"的想法, 所以改成 expresses就可以了

    後面再加了 an idea about (對於..的想法)才能使句意更加完整

    要不然直接寫 expresses the decadent upper class life "用英文去想"是不正確的!

    2009-04-18 09:51:56 補充:

    2. The writer "also wants" to "tell us that we" should not be immersed in the past, "and that" only the present "moment" can "create" a new future.

    後面這段話應該是"暗示型"的, 因此用 also wants to 是ok的

    tell 因為前面有 to 所以不加 s,

    2009-04-18 09:52:10 補充:

    再來後面改成 us, 是因為這作者是寫給讀者看的, 而讀者就是"我們", 因此本人覺得 people改為 us 較為正確

    "that we" should not be immersed in the past,

    that + 子句, we 就是指"我們"

    2009-04-18 09:52:16 補充:

    "and that" only the present "moment" can "create" a new future.

    這邊寫 and that 是指"還有一件事"

    而 the present 要加個 moment 句意才完整,

    create 是主動不用在被動

  • 1 decade ago

    This story describes a beautiful woman, her name is Hsueh-Yen. She was a famous dancer in China, who didn’t like to make up and always wears white cheongsam. Men always want to marry her. They always bring a lot of money and jewelry for her. Unfortunately, when she married with the man. The man always died or lose money or job. Some women said she was an unlucky woman. If the men lived with her, they will lose everything. After she moved to Taiwan, even a lot of friends visited her, but this is still less than ever.

    In the story, the writer wants to show the decadent upper class life growing up in a materialistic society. He tells people not to immerse in the past, just focus on the present , then a bright future could be created.

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