My goodness, I feel sorry for your teacher. If your class mates are anything like you, she'll be looking at 30 equally unoriginal and generic teenage angst poems! How utterly dreadful for her!
Ok, here's my constructive criticism, before you get all upset:
"...teenage girl, broken-hearted..."
"...Gleaming razor blade..."
"...draining her of life, slowly, taking away her pain, calm...."
"...Deep brown eyes..."
"...Heart shaped locket..."
The quotations that I have copied from your "poem" are all things that I feel can only be expected from a depressed and angsty teenage "poet". They are cliché and can get extremely boring. Believe me, honey, I've read a LOT of this type of "poetry" and I just can't stand it.
You need to try a fresh style, one that hasn't been over used to the point of exhaustion. I mean, people have been writing gothic poetry since the late 17th century! This generation of teenagers has simply modernized it and all together, ruined it!
I know you were told by your teacher to write a depressing poem, but for goodness sake, a little ambiguity and subtlety wouldn't kill you!
Everything I have said within my answer is my OPINION. It is NOT, nor am I claiming it to be, FACT. You ASKED for my OPINION. I do not feel that I have done anything wrong by answering your question in an, all be it, negative way but OPINIONATED. I am sorry if I have offended you in any way, but it is, as stated above, MY OPINION.
· 1 decade ago