JUDAS asked in 社會及文化語言 · 1 decade ago

幫我改英文plz(15)

Question:

Write a short story about visiting a planet where intelligent alien begings live.(250wds)

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Today was Sampson's birthday; he went to a garden with his friend to celebrate this. However, a man yelled:’ aliens are coming, get out from here!' But it was too late, a giant spaceship has flown in people's top of the head. Suddenly, all of the people included Sampson were capturing by a queer ray.

When they were sober, a beautiful woman like alien came out and said:' welcome to our planet, I apologize for the impolite treatment. So, should I invite everyone to get into our spaceship for visiting our world?'

When everyone got into it, Sampson could see something new and strange through the window. There were huge and blue mushroom like buildings everywhere and it was a blaze of light. Sampson observed the attractions very carefully; he found that there were many 'residents' lived in that mushroom's house. He felt unbelievable.

When the spaceship travelled to next side of the city. There were great cities full with unusual and freakish buildings. Some of it likes an egg, some of it like a flower and some of it like a polygon. Everyone was surprise about what they saw now.

After a short time, the spaceship landed on the ground and its door opened. The alien invited the people to leave it and tried to experience that land, that air and that light of this planet.’ The air is fresh and it's really comfortable! It's different of our Earth.’ Sampson said. Other people were enjoying this sensation too.

"Oh! The time is running out, it's time for you to come back to your world now. So, Good bye everyone!" The alien said abruptly. Then, Sampson felt painful. When he opens his eyes, he saw his bed above him. He thought that the journey he has travelled was a dream but it was really real ,really real......

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請幫我改grammer,修正錯字/換更好睇既字/句子

及指出我的錯處.

謝謝!!^_^

4 Answers

Rating
  • aShlEy
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    #Yesterday(今日發生嘅嘢,唔用過去式) was Sampson's birthday, he celebrated with his friend in a garden. However, a man yelled:“ aliens are coming, get out of here!(離開呢度,唔係喺呢度走)” But it was too late, a giant spaceship had flown on top of people's heads. Suddenly, all of the people included Sampson were captured(過去式被動) by a queer ray.你都冇講佢地暈,點解下一段會有sober?#When they wondered what happened, a beautiful woman looked like (like=鍾意,is like,look like先係似)alien came out and said: “Welcome to our planet, I apologize for the impolite treatment (我一邊道歉,一邊問應唔應該請你?), everyone, please join us and get into our spaceship to visit(只係呢個簡單d,for visiting係冇文法錯) our world. ”#Everyone was curious to get into it, Sampson started sightseeing through the window, he could see something new and strange. There were huge and blue mushrooms blossom like buildings everywhere and there was a blaze of light. Sampson observed the attractions very carefully; he found that there were many 'residents' lived in that mushroom houses. He felt unbelievable. #The spaceship travelled to the (指示方向必須用the) next side of the city, where there were great cities packed with (full of) unusual and freakish buildings, some of them like an egg, some like a flower and some like a polygon. Everyone was surprised about what they saw then/at the time(係嗰時,唔係而家).#After a short time, the spaceship landed on the ground and its door opened. The alien invited the people to come down and tried to experience that land, the air and the light of this planet. “The air is fresh and it's really comfortable! It's different from our Earth. ” Sampson said. Other people enjoyed this sensation too.#“Oh! Time(時間冇指定) is running short, it's time to go back to your own world now. So, Good bye everyone! ”The alien said abruptly. Then, Sampson felt painful. When he opened his eyes, he saw his bed around (牀上,above係佢身上面嘅牀)him. He thought that the journey he had(過去) travelled was a dream but it was really real ,really real......

    2009-04-13 06:50:28 補充:

    因為唔夠位,所以分段用#代表,冇改你嘅.

    總結:

    你用嘅時態唔統一,講故仔通常係之前,所以用過去式,短活動唔好用進行式,再之前就用完成式,唔可以用完過去式,又用現在式,所以完成式都用過去,例如:had+..ed

    成日用when,我改左,意思差唔多變成1句,好難解俾你聽,不過希望你覺得順左

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  • 1 decade ago

    Sampson's birthday today, he went to the garden, his friends to celebrate this. However, a man shouted: 'foreigners come, from here out! But it was too late, a huge spacecraft has flown in people's heads. Suddenly, all the people, including the capture of Sampson was a strange light.

    When they are sober, like a beautiful alien woman came out and said: 'Welcome to our planet, I am sorry to discourteous treatment. Therefore, should I ask you all to our spacecraft to visit our world? '

    When each person to enter it, and Sampson to see some new and unfamiliar to the window. There are a huge, blue building like mushrooms, it is light a fire. Sampson's spots to observe very carefully, he found that there are many 'residents live in this mushroom house. He felt incredible.

    When the spacecraft to the next side of the city. Well the great cities of the unusual buildings and ridiculous. Some like an egg, and some, like flowers, some like the polygon. Everyone was surprised, what they see.

    In a very short time, the spacecraft landed on the ground, the door opened. Invite foreigners to leave it and try to experience the land, air and light of the planet. 'The air is fresh, it's very comfortable! This is different from our planet. Sampson said. Other people also enjoy the feeling.

    "Oh! The time is running out, and now is the time to let you come back your world now. So, good-bye everyone!" Foreigners suddenly said. Then, Sampson feel pain. When he opened his eyes, he saw more than his own bed. He thinks that he has gone through the journey is a dream, but it is real, the real reality ......

    Source(s): ME
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  • Baggio
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Today is (use “is” because this is a general truth at the time you are writing this essay) Sampson's birthday. He went to a garden with his friend to celebrate (no need to use “this” since you just mentioned it was “Sampson’s birthday”). (You have confusions on the timing and location. So I made changes) As soon as they arrived the garden, (for a conversation we use punctuation like this: Dad said, “Tom, let’s go home.”) a man yelled, “aliens are coming, get out of here!” But it was too late! A giant spaceship was already flying in the sky. Suddenly, all (no “of the”) people included Sampson were captured by a queer ray and became unconscious (we need to say that these people “fainted” in order to match with “sober”). When they sobered (for “sober”, we do not need passive voice, so no “were”), a beautiful woman with body like an alien (add “with body” because it is strange for you to say that she is a beautiful woman but she looks like alien) appeared and said, “Welcome to our planet. I apologize for the impolite treatment. May I now invite everyone to get into our spaceship for a visit to our world?”

    When everyone got into the spaceship, Sampson saw many new and strange views through the window. There were huge and blue mushroom like buildings everywhere and blazes (I do not understand why you wrote “blaze”, so I supposed you were talking about the light from the mushroom buildings”). Sampson observed the attractions very carefully. He found that there were many 'residents' lived in those mushroom (here we change mushroom to an adjective) houses. He felt it (you need an object here) unbelievable. When the spaceship travelled to another side of the planet, there were great cities full of unusual and freak (freak can be used as adjective) buildings. Some of them are like (here “like” is just preposition, so no need to put “s”) eggs, some of them are like flowers and some of them are polygons. Everyone in the spaceship was surprised about what they saw.

    2009-04-14 09:59:45 補充:

    After a short time, the spaceship landed on the ground and the door opened. The alien lady invited all people to get out and try (“try” in bare infinitive because it is after the word “to”) to experience the environment of this planet.

    2009-04-14 10:00:00 補充:

    The air was fresh and its environment was really comfortable! “It's different from our earth.” Sampson said. Other people were enjoying this sensation too.

    2009-04-14 10:00:33 補充:

    "Oh! Time is running out! It's time for you to go back to your world now. So good-bye everyone!" The alien said quickly. Then, Sampson felt painful. When he opens his eyes, he saw his bed! He thought that the journey was a dream but it was so real......

    Source(s): Myself
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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

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    http://www.hkenglishstudy.info

    祝您好運!

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