Revolving Door for Adult Married Children?

Are parent's front doors supposed to open 24/7 for their married adult children? ~ Seven month pregnant daughter (step), son-in-law and dog just moved back to area. Her husband is in the Navy stationed in San Diego. Get phone call from daughter around midnight, crying, requesting to come stay with us if not tonight, then tomorrow night. My home is filthy right now ~ I told her that we are not prepared for her to stay the night(s), [she is very critical of cleanliness]. She hung up. Called back. No answer. Call her husband. He states she is flipping out; he's been with his family at the baseball game and is relaxing with family and friends at his mom's home. We ask him to call her. We call him back. He states that she is on her way to his mom’s house, with his clothes and told him that she does not want to see him before he leaves. Her husband leaves for San Diego Sunday; early. Won't be back to area until late June. It appears that she just wanted to cause her husband emotional trama/harm by using our household by not being at the home where they are staying, when he would return. We text her to find out what she is doing and get confirmation that she is Ok. She calls back and states that she was sorry and that she has it under control, but still crying. Father texts her back with Love You. Her texts back that Right, you guys got your wish . . . u are alone and can live your lives. ~ I texted back this morning that it’s a manipulative crock of b.s. statement. And that this mindset needs to crawl back to the cave hole from hell that it came from. We rebuke it in the name of Jesus. Amen. She is trying to paint a picture that she just needed her family and that we weren't there for her. Now the whole family has been brought into this ~ which started from her own problem. Brother states that no matter what we should have allowed her to come to our home (1/2 hour away from where she is staying with her husband) because she asked to come to and stay with us in our home, because she needed her family while she is having an issue with her husband. Please help me get perspective.

5 Answers

  • Favorite Answer

    It's one thing to open your home to a adult child in times of dire's another thing to open a home to an adult child running away from resolving issues within their marriage that CAN be resolved....helping/supporting is one thing...enabling is another.......

    She has her own home so she's not on the streets....she 'kicks' the husband out over a dispute rather than try to resolve it and now wants to come crying on your doorstep rather than be an adult?

    Listen, my ex walked out on me & the kids...did I run home to mommy & daddy? No. I stayed in our family home and with their support got thru it.

    Looks like you figured out what she was about and you refused to be party to her drama....good for you.....yes, she may need her family TO SUPPORT HER EMOTIONALLY, but she's enough to wipe her own butt and blow her own nose. Good luck, Hon. She needs to grow up.

  • SuzyQ
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    I wouldn't turn my daughter or step daughter (same difference to me) if my house was dirty. If I took one of my kids in, there would be clear rules on how long they stay and what we expect. If she doesn't like the mess or is critical, she can clean up. I wouldn't let her come at the drop of a hat. It would have to be a one time thing. If it happens too often, you are being taken advantage of and they are playing you and involving you in their issues. Adult children need to work out their own issues sometimes.

  • 5 years ago

    Honor your father and your mother.” (Ephesians 6:2) Regardless of how old you are, you always need to honor and respect your parents.

    This can be hard when your parents aren't respectful of your sacrifices, not conderate, selfish, or cruel.

    However, parents need to allow you to grow up and have your own.

    An ancient proverb says,

    “A man will leave his father and his mother and he will stick to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24) 

    How can you do this without growing and leaving home at some point. You also hv to make your family your first priority!

  • 1 decade ago

    i think she is being immature and she need to grow up before her kids do! good luck!

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • 1 decade ago

    you made her feel unlove .. man .. how could you do that to your own kid ..

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.