Please help! Is the intro of my novel any good?

I have put the link to the intro of my novel below and would appreciate if you would read it and let me know what you think of it. I would love to get some constructive criticism as well! It's a bit long, but I believe it is worth it. http://www.worthyofpublishing.com/chapter.asp?chapter_ID=7687 Also,... show more I have put the link to the intro of my novel below and would appreciate if you would read it and let me know what you think of it. I would love to get some constructive criticism as well! It's a bit long, but I believe it is worth it.

http://www.worthyofpublishing.com/chapte...

Also, I'm not a teenager trying to write a book like Twilight. I would much rather be seen as writing a novel comparable to Laurell K. Hamilton or Karen Chance. I know it will go through many more editing sessions, but I would like to know what people think so far. I'm 22 if you want to know.
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