Rape or "rape": has feminism defined rape into triviality?

I know a person who has been raped - the actual kind (the son of a ***** who did it is in prison now, and will be until he's an old man or dead). She went to a rape crisis center, where she talked to a counselor, where she learned that the counselor's job was basically to instruct students on how to avoid... show more I know a person who has been raped - the actual kind (the son of a ***** who did it is in prison now, and will be until he's an old man or dead). She went to a rape crisis center, where she talked to a counselor, where she learned that the counselor's job was basically to instruct students on how to avoid irresponsible sex, offer them contraceptives, etc. - that is, the "rape" counselors were actually "bad sex" counselors. When her counselor learned that she had actually been raped, not "raped," she referred her to someone else who was actually trained to help victims of the real crime (that is, instead of birth control and a lecture on alcohol, she was given legal counsel, once she made it clear that she was a victim of the real crime).

To me, this is the single strongest strike against feminism, because it has hit near home: the capital crime suffered by one of the people closest to me is trivial until specified otherwise, because people who have suffered trivial things (sex that they regret, for some reason or another) try to crowd under the banner of "rape victim," to the point that they become so numerous that they become what people think of when they hear of a 'rape victim.'

Should we not laugh at people who have drunken and/or regrettable sex and then claim to be "rape victims?" Don't we, by taking them seriously, do a severe disservice to those who are victims of the actual crime?
Update: "A frat guy having sex with a girl passed out on the couch is just as bad as the stranger in a dark alley. The result is the same. Feminists are not trivializing it, you are." Is it? 'Cause the thing about the dark alley kind, is that it involves a knife, a death threat, and getting left bound,... show more "A frat guy having sex with a girl passed out on the couch is just as bad as the stranger in a dark alley. The result is the same. Feminists are not trivializing it, you are."

Is it? 'Cause the thing about the dark alley kind, is that it involves a knife, a death threat, and getting left bound, gagged and injured, hoping the cops notice you before another psycho does.

And then there's the crisis center, where you sit waiting to voice your horrific experience, and you're sitting next to girls who are angry about bad sex with their boyfriends and drunken escapades, and you feel completely out of place.

See, I would argue that they're not REMOTELY the same thing. But I must be some kind of rapist-sympathizer, right? Isn't that the name for people who disagree with the dogma?
Update 2: "EDIT: So it's okay for a frat boy to go and "have sex" with spmeone passed out? That is not rape in your eyes? If you were in your bed and someone was raping you, but you were too drunk to defend yourself, what would you call that?" If you do not admit that insurance fraud is the same... show more "EDIT:
So it's okay for a frat boy to go and "have sex" with spmeone passed out? That is not rape in your eyes? If you were in your bed and someone was raping you, but you were too drunk to defend yourself, what would you call that?"

If you do not admit that insurance fraud is the same thing as murder, you must think insurance fraud is a good thing.

Or maybe I'm getting it wrong.
Update 3: Try looking at the above edit, but with the following metaphorical equivalencies:

Insurance fraud : Sexual abuse :: Murder : Rape
Update 4: "Rape: sexual intercourse against their will" All right, we'll work with that definition, although that's EXACTLY the sort of all-encompassing, "reluctant sex with your boyfriend is the same thing as raping a baby to cure your AIDS" trivialization that angers me about this subject. ... show more "Rape: sexual intercourse against their will"

All right, we'll work with that definition, although that's EXACTLY the sort of all-encompassing, "reluctant sex with your boyfriend is the same thing as raping a baby to cure your AIDS" trivialization that angers me about this subject. We'll go with it:

I've been awakened by oral sex on multiple occasions. So we've established that I've been raped (or, if we'd like to get technical, that I've KIND OF been raped).

Now, personally (it must be my rapist-sympathy kicking in), I'd like to draw some kind of line between my being raped and this person who's close to me being raped in her special case. I think the two things are horrifically different, to the point of being polar opposites. But apparently they're both rape. How can I distinguish them?
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