I liked it. Pretty good. A couple of grammatical errors to fix, and watch your tenses, but nice. I don't usually like Vampire stories, but it drew me in. I also like how the Vampire literally came out of nowhere...I never expected that.
But, I agree with other posters. Try to lose some of the details so early, also I think you should give her name earlier. I like the mystery and all, but I tend to relate to characters, and if I don't know her name, I can't relate.
Everyone else...read mine:
P.S. Thanks for reading mine.
· 1 decade ago