jianmin asked in 社會及文化語言 · 1 decade ago

英文高手 correct English essay 15分

my essay topic :why did you choose Laney college

Academy is the great value of the U.S. Many people want to get into the U.S. Universities, even pay a lot of money. I as an immigrant, being successful in the U.S I must have fluent English skills and good education. The best way to improve my English is attending to Laney College. The reasons are save money, convenience and get my degree.

First of all, I can save money of my enroll fee. Comparing to my brother in law who is attending to San Jose State University, I save a lot of money. I asked my brother- in-law how much did he pay for the enroll fee. He said “I needed to pay at least 5000 thousand dollars, but you only paid 20 dollars per units. So I think you better than study at Laney, then after you finish ESL class. You can study your major and some course that you studied can transfer.” Therefore, we study the same way, but we pay the different price. Moreover, I save money of my rent. Now, I attend to Laney college, I can live with my husband. I don’t need to move out. Contrary, my brother in law moved to San Jose. Every month he needs to pay five hundreds for his rent. That is every expansive for a students. The second reason is because Laney College is at a great location for me. It is very convenience because it is nearby China town. In lunch time, I just walk 10 minutes then I can go to China town to get my favor Chinese food. Also, it is not far from my home, I only drive 15 minutes. Sometime I forget to bring books. I can go home and go back. I have been attending to Laney College about 2 years.

Attending to Lenay College, I can save money on rent and enroll fee. Also, it has a convenient location. I think that is a good decision I made.

---This is my essay,i know i may have a lot of mistakes, so pls help me following the requirement to fix it,thx a lot.

Update:

pls correct my essay following these requirements.15 points

1. use some simple, compound and complex sentences.

2. in your compound sentences must use nor and yet

Update 2:

3.use at least one semi-colon

4.it must be cohesive,unified and coherent.

5. use 2 sentences in present perfect tense.

6.make sure all your grammar and punctuation are correct

1 Answer

Rating
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    U. S Education has a great reputation. Many people are willing to pay large sums in order to get in a U.S. University. As a U.S immigrant, I am fluent in English with a good education background. The best way to further improve my English is through attending Laney College. I would be able to build a solid foundation only with Laney College.

    It would be most cost efficient too. My brother in law attended to San Jose State University needed to pay at least 5000 thousand dollars. But I only had to pay 20 dollars per units. Hence I would like to study at Laney after my ESL classes. Though we studied the same materials, we paid different price. Moreover, I saved money from my rent. If I attended Laney college, I wouldn't need to move out of my home. It was only a 15 minutes drive. By contrast my brother in law moved to San Jose and paid five hundreds for his rent; it was very expensive for a student. The second reason was because Laney College was at a great location. It was very near to China town. In lunch time, I would walk to China town in 10 minutes. If I forgot to bring my books, I could get it in a flash.

    After studying for 2 years at Lenay college. I have no regret on the decision.

    ps. If this is a real application : I would skip out the chinese food and getting books part.

    hope it helps

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