- 天才帥哥小柚子Lv 71 decade agoFavorite Answer
An elderly gentleman being, one evening, in the company of some persons who were much amused at the witty sayings of a child, said to some one near him, that witty children usually made stupid men. The child heard him and said to him: "Sir, you were very witty, no doubt when you were young."
A Mistake 搞錯了
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."
"Deal!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.
"Where are the others?" asked a doctor.
"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."
All the same
A Chinese man walked into a pub in New York with his pal. He says to his pal："Hey！That's 'Jurassic Park' director Steven Spielberg over there！"
"God，I wish he’ll come over to say hi."
Spielberg suddenly walked over and gave the man a heavy punch on the nose.
"Hey！What’s that for？！"
"You bloody Japanese killed my granddad when you bombed Pearl Harbor！"
"I'm not Japanese！I'm Chinese！"
"Chinese，Vietnamese，Japanese，you're all the same！"
Spielberg walks back. The Chinese man calmly walks over and gives Spielberg a really heavy punch on the face.
"You bloody American！You sank the Titanic！"
"No，no，an iceberg sank the Titanic！"
"Iceberg，Carlsberg，Spielberg，you’re all the same！"
2009-04-02 11:53:32 補充：
- Hot HeartLv 71 decade ago
（１）男：「Are you free tonight？」女：「I am not free,but I am very cheap.」（free：雙關「有空、免費」。）
2009-04-05 20:18:28 補充：
（３）參加自強活動時學了一句英文順口溜，美國人不知其意，只有華人能懂。「gun be pan son, pan be one son, one be day son, gun pan one day neckson.」（缸比盆深，盆比碗深，碗比碟深，缸盆碗碟哪個深？）
2009-04-05 20:18:54 補充：
（５）中國貓熊在美國餐廳飽食一餐，侍者要牠結帳，牠卻丟給侍者一本《動物大全》，隨後掏槍對空濫射，沒買單就揚長而去。侍者按圖索驥才知那種傢伙叫「貓熊」，英文解釋是：「Ｐanda：Native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves. （貓熊：原產中國，吃完，鳴槍，走人。）」原來貓熊很懂英文，牠給侍者的書在Eats跟shoots間加了逗點，讓「Eats shoots and leaves.（吃竹筍跟竹葉）」變成「Eats, shoots and leaves.（吃完，鳴槍，走人。）」白白吃了一頓。
2009-04-05 20:19:17 補充：
（７）小明起立：「May I go to toilet？」英文老師：「Go ahead！」小明就坐了下來，隔不久又站起來：「May I go to toilet？」英文老師又說：「Go ahead！」小明又坐了下來，表情非常痛苦。同學忍不住問：「你不是跟老師說要去上廁所嗎？怎麼還不趕快去呢？」小明搖搖頭說：「你沒聽老師說『去你的頭』嗎？」
（８）英文不太靈光的餐廳女侍，跟一位很帥的美國客人講話時緊張又結巴：「Do you want coffee．．．or．．．or．．． 『me（tea）』？」
（９）英文第一課：「你死一死，啊！不可。（this is a book）」
- tan helenLv 71 decade ago
You Will Save Much More 你会省得更多
You will be pleased with me today, mother," said Dick to his mother, coming home from school. "I saved on fares. I didn't go to school by bus, I ran all the way after it."
"Well," said his mother laughing, "Next time you should run after a taxi, you will save much more."