Janet asked in 文學及人文學詩詞 · 1 decade ago

請幫忙批改這篇文~20點!!

‘Mum!I want to eat hand-made dumplings!’ I said.

‘Sorry,I don’t know how to make it,only your grandma knows.’ Mum replied.

That’s right.Grandma has passed away.

My grandma has been lived with me since I was born.My parents were very busy of their work.So,my grandma took care of me.Grandma was a very nice person,she smiled very cheerfully,and she never scold me.She loved to make some delicious food to me.Especially,I love to eat the dumplings made by her. When I grow older, I though that Grandma is very annoying,She always repeat things again and again.

Today, grandma phone me when I am watching a film with my friends.

‘Janet,will you come back to have dinner?What are you doing now?Be careful when you are hanging out with your friends…’Grandma said in the phone

‘I’m watching a film!Maybe I call you later!’I whispered.

‘What are you murmuring?I can’t hear….’Grandma said.

I switch off the moblie already

When I am backing home,mum phone me.

‘Janet!Come to hospital immediately!Grandma has fainted!’

I run to the hospital at once.When I arrived,mum has already standing in the enterance.

‘Mum!How’s Grandma?Is she alright?’I said

‘She has passed away.She wanted to made dumplings and went to the wet market to buy the ingredient.The floor is so slippery, she slipped and fall on the ground.She is so careless… ’

When mum is explaining,my tears pour out like raining heavily.If I go to the wet market with grandma,this accident won’t happen…Grandma has passed away…Grandma has passed away…

I will remember the tast of the hand-made of dumplings,also the gentle smile of grandma.

1 Answer

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  • 1 decade ago
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    你肯定你真係想人幫你改li篇文?!

    如果真係的話會改到唔似你自己作的-口-

    你睇多幾次 check多幾次啦

    有好多tense/文法/句子都怪怪的

    first language係英文既人一定睇到勁confused...

    第1句既"Mum!I want to eat hand-made dumplings!"

    li句你本意想用咩語氣?

    因為咁睇 好似係"命令"緊媽咪咁

    好d既講法: Mum. Can we have hand-made dumplings for dinner(or lunch)?

    第2句"Sorry,I don’t know how to make it,only your grandma knows."

    咁打好似好"類聚" 如果真係咁寫 都有錯grammar

    make it => make them

    knows => knew

    第3句"That’s right.Grandma has passed away."

    That' s right多數都係對話會講的

    係文章用唔係咁好...

    同埋英文唔會好似中文咁講: "冇錯, 我grandma過左身"

    My parents were very busy of their work.So,my grandma took care of me. (可以變做一句)

    Grandma was a very nice person,she smiled very cheerfully,and she never scold me. (又係好"類聚")

    中間仲有好多都唔多"通順"

    冇可能一句句改...

    仲有講grandma果d全部要past tense

    同埋作文唔好用咁多感嘆號同"..." (對話還好, 但係in text唔好)

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