What do you think of my story? please help...?

hiya, some of this dosnt make sence but what the hay!

:)

I’ve been having some trouble with my story but i wanted some opinions on this… these aren’t all the details but it’s the basic plot line…

Alexis Cooper (13) has a big family, 2 brothers, Callum (18) and Leo (12)

and 3 sisters, Lynette (16), Daisy (14) and Lily (10). And a mom (Mary-Anne, 47) and a dad (Phillip, 48), Phillip Cooper is very well known, almost famous, as well as all the family. Some people are out to get Phillip. A man called Taylor is the most out to get him, and he threatens at the beginning of the book to do this through his family.

But they try to put this out of their minds… the 3 oldest (Callum, Lynette and Daisy) all go to a school that none of the other siblings know much about, only that; they will all go when they turn 13. Alexis is turning 13, and she is told the secret: the school is a school for super natural beings, they include, Mermaids, Werewolves, Vampires (keep reading, its not like twilight!), Ghosts, witches/wizards and transfis [TRAN-s-f-i-s] (I made up these, they are creatures who can talk to animals, they can change into animals (everyone has their own animals, like Alexis’ animal is a starling))

but all the creatures are slightly different to what we would think. Vampires can drink blood but don’t need it to survive, they also have amazing healing powers, as in they can heal others in an instant. They take a potion to stop the sun burning them to a crisp. Werewolves can change into dogs when ever they want, and they all have their own breed. Mere people only grow a tail when they touch water, and they can hypnotize people because of their beautiful looks, like sirens. Witches/wizards are born with magic inside them which they learn to control through their fingers. Ghosts are people who have died and are the few who have been given a 2nd chance, they can go invisible and walk through walls but they can also be solid and they age, they only ‘move on’ when they choose. Also some creatures have ‘Special Gifts’ such as making time speed up or slow down on one specific object (e.g. Flower, hair) or control the weather in small minor cases.

Callum is a werewolves, his breed is, Dalmatian, Lynette is a Ghost she died in a car crash aged 8, her parents didn’t get the 2nd chance, and Daisy is a mermaid she has a ‘Special gift’ she do the whole speed up time thing! Alexis finds she is a Transfi, but when she gets to school she finds she is really bad at it! She can only talk to mice; she makes a best friend called Lavender who’s a mouse.

She also befriends a boy called Robert Bright (13, ghost, he died when saving his sister from drowning but he was given the 2nd chance as he was the strongest and had the most potential but he can never forget himself for being alive when she’s dead) and Tessa Rosebud (13, transfi, animals = cat. She is slightly eccentric and weird but her hearts in the right place! She has a Special gift = change her appearance (e.g. hair turns blue ext) she can also do the same to others).

Anyway, she meets a girl called Carmen Oliver but she doesn’t know her very well, she’s just nice! She can take the form of any person she chooses, she finds Alexis easiest (either this or maybe instead she just looks very, very much like her but can’t change her form…I’m not sure yet!). One day Alexis is walking by herself when she hears a scream, she runs towards it and finds Carmen lying dead in the floor. She doesn’t know it yet but it was Taylor trying to get to her but when he realized it wasn’t her and he was kidnapping the wrong girl he kills her.

Lots of stuff happens at school after that but mostly mourning for Carmen. Alexis arranges to meet her family in the local village, when she does its just her mom, dad and Lily. She takes Lily to the sweetshop while her mom and dad go to have a drink. Taylor gets to them and takes Lily. Alexis goes after him. I’m really not sure what should happen here…I think Taylor will be a vampire and Lily will discover that she has a special gift she didn’t know about, she can make a room go into complete darkness or light, in pure fear she glows really really bright and it burns him to a crisp. i think she finds her gift early in a sudden burst of pure fright and that sort of thing, this forces her to generate so much light, that most adluts with this gift would have trouble with. Then most is happy, I’m not sure exactly how to end it … suggestion?

i think Taylour is after Phillip because Phillip is a inventor with a invetion that went wrong, he tryed to stop vampires being ilergic to the sun but it didnt work and now Taylour can not go out into the sun at all... or something...???

this is only the briefings so bear with me!

Thanks a bunch!

xx

4 Answers

Relevance
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    is this a summary? well if it is a summary i would reallly want to read the rest of the story maybe try adding some diologes, which will help the stroy to become better

  • 1 decade ago

    That sounds good.

    You should post it online somewhere, I would love to read it.

    In the end I think The family should have a massive battle against Taylor and they destroy him.

    But is it forever?...We don't know...there could be a sequel.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    whoa, very interesting but where are the fairies?

    You gotta have some fairy folk lol

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It is really good.. confusing, but good.

    Nice job. x

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.