Top ten signs that you are too drunk(a *****joke)?

10. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth.

9. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.

8. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

7. Your idea of cutting back is less salt.

6. You can focus better with one eye closed.

5. You fall off the floor.

5. The whole bar greets you when you come in.

4. You haven't had a driver's license in such a long time that you have forgotten what one looks like.

3. Roseanne looks good.

2. You don't recognize your wife/husband unless seen through bottom of glass.

1. You spent more time on the floor than you do standing up.

18 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    lol they r funny try these:

    1 You lose arguments with inanimate objects

    2 You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth

    3 Job interfering with your drinking

    4 Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream

    5 Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts

    6 The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat

    7 Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group

    8 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence???

    9 Two hands and just one mouth - now THAT's a drinking problem!

    10 You can focus better with one eye closed

    11 The parking lot seems to have moved when you were in the bar

    12 Every woman you see has an exact twin

    13 You fall off the floor

    14 Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops

    15 "Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!"

    16 The glass keeps missing your mouth

    17 Bill Clinton starts to make sense

    18 Vampires and mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you

    19 At AA meetings you begin with: "Hi, my name is uh "

    20 Your idea of cutting back means less salt

    21 You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed

    22 The whole bar says "HI!" when you come in

    23 Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive

    24 "Hi ocifer I'm not under the affluence of incohol "

    25 "I'm not drunk, you're just sober"

    26 Roseanne looks good

    27 You don't recognize your wife unless seen through the bottom of a glass

    28 "That damned pink elephant followed me home again "

    29 You have a reserved parking space at the liquor store

    30 "I'm as jober as a sudge "

    31 You wake up in Korea in August and the last thing you remember is the Fourth of July party at the Halekulani in Waikiki

    32 You've fallen and you can't get up

    33 When hangovers become an attractive alternative lifestyle

    34 "Beertender! Get me another bar!"

    35 The shrubbery's drunk too, from frequent watering

    36 Your name is Ted Kennedy

    37 Foster Brooks appears sober to you

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  • 1 decade ago

    10. If you seem to have twice as many mates with you as when you started drinking, although they're a bit blurry.

    9. If your shoes smell of p*ss but you don't remember using the pub toilets.

    8. If your girlfriend seems to have had a makeover in the time since you started drinking, even though she hasn't left the bar.

    7. If you ask the ambulance crew if they can drop you off at the kebab shop.

    6. If you leave at least one dart sticking in the number '12' on the pub clock.

    5. If you stand at the bus stop and try to hail a passing fire engine.

    4. If you wonder why the condom machine in the toilets is now dispensing tampons.

    3. If you try to propose to a woman in the minicab office, while lying on the floor.

    2. If you feel the need to do the 'Monkees Walk' while walking on your own.

    1. If you stumble into the police station to report being assaulted and the bloke behind the counter says 'Sorry mate, this is a chip shop".

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  • 1 decade ago

    hahah funny

    1. You sincerely believe alcohol is the elusive 5th food group.

    2. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case Coincidence?!?!?

    3.You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

    4.Every woman you see has an exact twin.

    5.Hey, 5 beers have just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!

    6. I'm not drunk!! you're just sober!!

    7.You have a reserved parking space at the liquor store.

    8.Your Job is interfering with your drinking.

    9. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

    10.Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!

    11.The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.

    12. You swear to drunk you're not god

    13.That pink elephant followed you home again.

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  • 1 decade ago

    1. If you think somebody has to hold your house from shaking while you insert the key in the keyhole.

    2. If you offer seat to a an elderly person in a bus when the entire bus is vacant.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I have often got wasted a lot of times & when i'm wasted i usually don't remember anything the next day.Even if i am barely in my sense i really don't get any of the above signs. I think the signs that you listed should rather be for the people who use contraband drugs.

    Regards

    http://humouron.blogspot.com/

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  • 1 decade ago

    LOL godd hav a star

    i hav one dooubt

    It seems that u were drunk while asking the qn and others too hav replied in the same state...

    b coz

    U have put No. 5 two times

    Am I the only one who is not drunk???

    HA HA HA HA HA HA ha

    Source(s): WWW.ALCHOHOLIC.COM
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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Haha, nice, don't forget When you get in a cab and you think the fare is the time! (:

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  • 1 decade ago

    lol

    they have a website that says " you know you're drunk when" and a bunch of funny pictures

    http://www.2spare.com/item_93580.aspx

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Brilliant! Absolutely Brilliant!

    Hic! I swear to drunk I am not God!!!.

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  • 1 decade ago

    that just put the biggest smile on my face!! smiley face and a star for you!!

    :)

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