lol they r funny try these:
1 You lose arguments with inanimate objects
2 You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth
3 Job interfering with your drinking
4 Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream
5 Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts
6 The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat
7 Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group
8 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence???
9 Two hands and just one mouth - now THAT's a drinking problem!
10 You can focus better with one eye closed
11 The parking lot seems to have moved when you were in the bar
12 Every woman you see has an exact twin
13 You fall off the floor
14 Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops
15 "Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!"
16 The glass keeps missing your mouth
17 Bill Clinton starts to make sense
18 Vampires and mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you
19 At AA meetings you begin with: "Hi, my name is uh "
20 Your idea of cutting back means less salt
21 You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed
22 The whole bar says "HI!" when you come in
23 Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive
24 "Hi ocifer I'm not under the affluence of incohol "
25 "I'm not drunk, you're just sober"
26 Roseanne looks good
27 You don't recognize your wife unless seen through the bottom of a glass
28 "That damned pink elephant followed me home again "
29 You have a reserved parking space at the liquor store
30 "I'm as jober as a sudge "
31 You wake up in Korea in August and the last thing you remember is the Fourth of July party at the Halekulani in Waikiki
32 You've fallen and you can't get up
33 When hangovers become an attractive alternative lifestyle
34 "Beertender! Get me another bar!"
35 The shrubbery's drunk too, from frequent watering
36 Your name is Ted Kennedy
37 Foster Brooks appears sober to you