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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

pleasepleasepleasePLEASEPEERRRLEASE read this!!?

the image is of a girl and a boy, on a hill, the girl dances, and the boy plays his fiddle.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDK3Ao6Hb

Youtube thumbnail

... << my inspiration

They stand atop of the greatest hill,

Within each palm a song does dance.

Here to dwell, smile hard and still,

Like freshened warriors with a sharpened lance.

She twists her wrists and scatters the ribbon,

A sweeping fall of crimson band.

In her lively heart she now flies on,

And stamps her feet on the flourishing land.

The boy, so young, he turns his face,

To look upon his instrument of soul.

Within valleys of dew is his gathered place,

The violin of youth does string it's toll.

Beside him, the girl with darkened skin,

Gypsy blood snaps her fingers sharp.

She spins to dance with a risen chin,

And tramples across the moss caked scarp.

They dance and play to the music sweet,

Entwined friendship that will breathe the wind.

Twirling her hands, tapping his feet,

On the stretch of land, they live with the hind.

i'm still a very young teenager, 13, so i have lots top improve on.... and you can help me!! :D

Update:

4 Answers

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  • ?
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I like it. I think I have read some of your other poems before, and they were also good. As you are only 13, I think you still have time to develop your skill because there were some parts of the poem I didn't like. But overall, it was good! :)

    p.s. The first link leads to a malformed video ID.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    The URL contained a malformed video ID.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    That was really good I liked how u show feelings through describing the characters...

    Honestly .. I bet the people who answered 'hmmm' can't EVen write half as good as this.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    hmm.

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