It's not that they hate the woman. In fact, they may very well love her, or at the least need her. Believe it or not, people who have anger problems don't sit there and choose to be abusive. It could be just because of their abrasive personality, or more likely, with the way the were raised and or some traumatic event in their childhood. Personally, as a woman, I have anger issues as well. I'm not physically abusive, but I find when I get very angry it is VERY difficult to stop myself from yelling, screaming, and overreacting. Now, I have realized this about myself and am working to change it. Believe me though, it's actually very difficult. I know that my anger problems are very trivial compared to some, and it is EXTREMELY hard to change. You can't truly understand it unless you have problems yourself. With enough dedication and will power, you can start to act better, but you can never control those impulses. They are always there. In a lot of instances with abusive relationships, they don't truly hate the person. In fact, they often love them. They just do not know how to control or stop their anger and persistent rages. This is not an excuse for their behavior, but it is an explanation. For those who do not truly love their partner, they are often using them. Whenever they find someone who is actually willing to tolerate their hanger, they cling to it as hard as they can. If ever they feel they might be losing their hold on that person, they will often turn "sweet" for a little while and rope them back in.
I'm not justifying their actions, but I try not to judge because it really is a very difficult transformation to change. It's not like a drug addiction where once it's out of your system you can try and forget about it. Those rage impulses are ALWAYS there, no matter how long you try and control them. Now, someone who is truly mastering their change can control these impulses, but it's difficult and quite exhausting to be honest.