i cought my husband cheating on me with another female. we are trying to work things out, but she is pregnent.?
cid is looking for him. they want a dna test to find out if he is the father or not. i went to his company and filed out a written statement. we have a child together and i dont know what i can do to help him out. we are going to get into counseling when i move back in with him in about a week or so. i dont know what to do or where to go from here. if you want to know anymore information dont be afraid to ask.
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Here's what he needs to know as regards the child.
I've worked with divorced and single fathers for 20 years.
AS A REMINDER TO ALL SINGLE MEN SHACKING UP WITH A WOMAN. UNLESS YOU LIVE IN ARIZONA OR CALIFORNIA, YOU HAVE
ASSUMED RIGHTS TO, OR SAY ABOUT, ANY CHILD BORN OUT OF WEDLOCK. ONLY THE COURTS CAN GRANT YOU ANY RIGHTS.
I REPEAT, SINGLE FATHERS IN 97% OF THE U.S. AND ITS TERRITORIES HAVE NO RIGHTS. YOU ARE FINANCIALLY RESPONSIBLE, BUT YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS UNTIL YOU ARE GRANTED THEM. THE MOTHER HAS AUTOMATIC SOLE LEGAL CUSTODY OF THE CHILD.
SINGLE MEN MAKE THEMSELVES INTO A SLAVE CLASS THAT MUST ASK PERMISSION OF THE MASTER (THE MOTHER) OR HER LEGAL REPRESENTATIVE (THE COURTS) FOR PERMISSION TO SEE YOUR CHILD. AND EVEN THAN, 60% OF THE TIME, ACCORDING TO GOVERNMENT STUDIES, YOU WILL BE DENIED ACCESS TO YOUR CHILD, LOSING ALL CONTACT WITHIN FIVE YEARS.
SHE GOES TO CHILD SUPPORT ENFORCEMENT TO REQUEST AN ORDER PLACED ON YOU.
YOU GET SERVED.
YOU PAY FOR THE DNA TEST.
YOU PAY ALL COURT COSTS.
YOU PAY ATTORNEY FEES.
IF THE CHILD IS UP TO 18 YEARS OLD, YOU PAY RETROACTIVE CHILD SUPPORT, PLUS UP TO 18 YEARS INTEREST PENALTIES, BASED ON YOUR CURRENT INCOME, NOT WHAT YOU’VE EARNED OVER THE YEARS, EVEN IF YOU WERE UNDERAGE AND NOT WORKING AT THE TIME SHE GOT PREGNANT.
SINCE THE HEARING IS STRICKLY MEANT TO ESTABLISH SUPPORT, YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO FILE FOR CUSTODY AND/OR VISITATION RIGHTS. THAT REQUIRES A SEPARATE HEARING, WHICH YOU WILL ALSO PAY FOR.
WHETHER YOU ARE LIVING WITH HER OR NOT, YOU VOLUNTARILY SELL YOURSELF INTO SLAVERY THE MOMENT YOU TOOK YOUR PECKER OUT OF YOUR PANTS WITH A WOMAN YOU WERE NOT MARRIED TO. SHE HAS 100% OF THE RIGHTS AND YOU HAVE NONE.
You have an up mountain, not hill, battle ahead of you. In a word, prepare, prepare, prepare.
Get an order enter forcing a DNA test, unless one has already been done.
DO NOT PAY ANY KIND OF SUPPORT FOR THE CHILD UNTIL A DNA TEST IS DONE, AS IT ACKNOWLEDGES YOUR FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE CHILD.
Once you begin paying child support, regardless of whether you are the father or not, you can be required to continue paying.
If one has been done, go to the child support enforcement to setup a voluntary order. Wait for them to file against you will result in you paying all court costs of up to $5000
Take a certified parenting course. The court is going to order you to take it anyway, so by showing you’ve taken it only looks good to them.
Start keeping a daily journal of all you activities. The most common way to prevent a father from getting his rights through the courts is a false allegation. A daily journal is your number one piece of evidence in court and you can even refer to it while on the stand.
Gather evidence. Check the site below to see if it is illegal to record conversations without the other person knowing. If your state does not have a law either way, than it defaults to the federal ruling which says one person in a conversation must know they are being recorded. You’re that one person. In Missouri it is specifically legal, in Kansas there is no mention either way. If you live in two different states, and one has a law against it, than it applies when the call originates from within that state,
The court will order you into mediation, so take the lead first. Instead of hiring attorneys, suggest to her to go to a mediator and try to hammer out an agreement. A mediator is an attorney or paralegal with certified training as a mediator. You each have to pay half the fees in order for the mediator to have the appearance of being unbiased.
If you and the mother are civil, consider Bird Nest Custody. In this the child lives in one home and each parent live there for 3-4 weeks, than switch. You live with friends, family, rent a room, etc. on the off time. In this manner, your child’s life is not disrupted. They are not being shifted back and forth. They keep their own room, friends, school, etc. It is hard on the parents, but than the child comes first. This is the form of custody rocker Ted Nugent had.
If you want to learn how to do all this go to Dads House in Yahoo Groups. There's an educational manual in the file section that can teach you what you need to know. Take the time to learn what you can and should do.
A couple of additional
- sweetieLv 61 decade ago
Drag his butt in there for the DNA test. Also Im sorry but once a cheater always a cheater. It will always be in the back of your mind that he may cheat again one day. Not to mention now you will have to spend time with the child that he and she are having together. If he pays child support he is allowed visitation at least so he will normally get the child every other weekend. So you will not only have to deal with the distrust but also the child that happen due to the cheating. Just know its going to be hard and you need to make him do the right thing by the other child. Meaning you need to turn him in to cid or whatever. Or make him do it himself.
- carolLv 51 decade ago
I could understand to a point in dealing with an affair but if a child came out of that it will be in your face for a lifetime.
Even though I still cared for my husband it would be way to much for me to carry on with him.
If you can handle that more power to you and I hope everything works out for you?
I am sorry but I just couldn't deal with all the energy it would take to learn how to live with this.
- PaulLv 61 decade ago
We survived an affair. This will be harder, because the affair will be in your face as a result of that child. I could write a book on surviving an affair practically, but for right now, just take a deep breath and move forward slowly. Good luck....
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- gone fishinLv 71 decade ago
Tell him to go give DNA. He had sex with her and might have fathered the child. Just because you are willing to forgive him for cheating doesn't mean that he doesn't have responsibilities to his child, if it turns out to be his child.
You can help him out by being a decent step-mother and helping him take on his paternal responsibilities if this is his child.Source(s): See an attorney for more information Papa Bear, these rights are fairly easy to assert in court and start with the DNA test. I do not feel one ounce of pity for a man who has sex with a woman and walks away without knowing if he had a child. He can use protection and he can check in after a couple of months. Does anyone give a rat's hiney about the children anymore?
- 1 decade ago
Well, first question is - why are you trying to work things out? If this woman is pregnant with his child that is going to make things very difficult for him and for you. It will be a constant reminder of his cheating. I admire you for trying to work it out but realistically you have to ask yourself and him whether you can be in a relationship where he will have this child that I assume he will see regularly, which'll mean he'll see this woman regularly as well.
- l8tr g8trLv 71 decade ago
Just think - you get to live with this for the rest of your life. Good luck with that...that child is going to be a constant reminder. If you can't handle that - you shouldn't bother reconciling. IMO.
- 1 decade ago
He has to take responsibility for what he did. If the child is his then he needs to step up to the plate.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
wow you two working things out will be HARD! whew i'd have to walk out the door. good luck thats one hell of a situation.
- LucyLv 41 decade ago
Kimberly..why are you trying to work things out??? He is NEVER going to change!! YOU CAN GET BETTER!!!