Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingParenting · 1 decade ago

4 year old and 13 year old problems?

First I will start with the 13 year old. She throws fits when you tell her no. She spits on you. She kicks, screams. curses, doesn't listen, steals if we don't give her money (normally from someones bag or my room), defies me, and much more. She got suspended 4 times in her school. She is bipolar and anorexic. I ground her, take things away like privileges, time out, sending her to her room, and as last resort if it gets that far spanking. The only time she does listen is when i tap her lightly. I am in charge of my 4 year old brother, 13 year old sister, and 9 year old brother. My gf is pregnant. My parents died. What should I do? How do I get her to stop cursing?

Now with the 4 year old he does the same thing. He screams and throws fits. When we are out if I tell him no we already have that he'll throw it at me. If I ask something he talks back and says no. I have spanked him, put him in timeout, talking to him as well as the 13 year old, sending him to his room, refraining him from family activities or just canceling them (do that with the 13 year old too), everything. The only thing that seems to be getting through to them is hitting them and I hate hitting them. What should I do? He repeats and does everything the 13 year old and the 9 year old do. So if they curse he curses.

What I did one time which worked was I kept my sister in my room and I had all her cherished items. Everytime she cursed I erased some of her contacts in her phone. I did everything she loves to do. I didn't torture her I just did it enough to make her learn. She burst out crying and said sorry.

How do I discipline these kids?

Update:

I am 20 years old.

15 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    the 4 year old needs to learn life lessons. id give him a thorough spanking if he ever swear or if he ever tries to hurt you/throw something at you. you can give him soap or hot sauce if he back talks or swears. that always taught me so my parents only had to do it 3 times. you know what worked great for me is the sore arm trick. i made this method up and i have told my friend who said he loved it so he told his friend and his friend hated it. basically you put the in timeout and since the 4 year old is short, he is perfect. anyways you stand them in time out an you put their arms hanging on something. its like a cross except their are no nails lol. you tell them to stay like that for 7 min and if they move, you add a minute. talk to them while they are doing that and tell them to appoligize and ask them if they are ready to come out. or i used to be a boyscout (i hated it) but when we disrespected the scoutmaster or an authority, we would have to keep our arms in a 90 degree angle position for 2 min. that taught us it was very affective and it hurts after w while. i.m. the northdude7 and he will give you good tips on how to help you.

    hope that helps

    Source(s): im a dad
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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I think what you need to do is to find someone in your family that can look after your kids while you are at work. That way they have discipline and consistency when you are away. It is possible that with the recent death of your parents, they are wondering each time when you go, if you will be coming back. At least for a little while.

    Your parents had recently died and it is possible that the 13 year old is acting out because she doesn't know how to deal with her emotions right now... I think the next time she acts out, as far as spitting on you or cursing you out, to give her a proper spanking... then don't let that be the end of it, then sit down and talk with her and find out what really is going on, what she is thinking about. Why is she acting out... the spanking will calm her down and have her cry things out, and once that is done you need to find out what is going on.... talk to her... it is the best way to find the answer is by asking HER the question.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    If your sister has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and/or anorexia (and you're not using figurative speech) she needs professional help from a psychiatrist. No amount of time out or spanking is going to help her because she has medical problems.

    Seems like you have a very stressful life but if their parents have passed away they are obviously angry, insecure and in need of some boundaries to feel like they have a home and they are safe. Pick your battles with your siblings. Cursing is terrible but there are other bigger issues at the moment so focus on getting to know your sister. She's an adolescent, by this time spanking is not appropiate.Stealing is a big issue. Confront her about the money in a serious and calm manner, let her admitt that she has been stealing, let her know with firm words why she must never take money from you and punish her appropiately. Let her know why she is being punished and be consistent with it. I also think you should take her cellphone indefinetely until she turns around. Be firm with her but don't humiliate her or scare her. The more distant she feels from you the less inclined she will be to listen. If she spits at you or any other adult stop any conversation, do not say anything further except go to your room and don't come out until you apologize. That is just not acceptable.

    Your four year old brother also need to know that you are the adult in charge. Explain to him at his level and with simple words what it is that he is doing wrong and let him know there will be consequences. Act on those consequences. For every time he curses you may take his toys away for half an hour or put him on time out for 5 minutes. You need to do that every time, without screaming or over reacting. Just do it.

    As well as discipline children need affection and attention. Even when you feel they don't deserve it, spend time alone with each one of your siblings, talk to them about things that interest them and praise them for the things they do right. The four year old will quickly react to positive reinforcement if you are lavish with compliments when he behaves.

    Good luck!

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  • Cyn
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    They're probably emotionally scared from your parents death, you should look into therapy. My sister was similar to that after her mom died.

    I give you a lot of credit, if someone spit on me I don't think I'd be able to stop myself from punching them in the face.

    Try to re-connect with each of them, starting with the 13 y/o. Have heart to heart talks, take her out somewhere special and reward her good behavior. Give her some responsibilities around the house. Let her know how hard it is on you. If she falls in line so will the other, or at least she can now help you with them.

    Sit her down and show her your checkbook (fudge the numbers if you have to) and do the bills. Show her that you have say 2000 dollars a month to live off of and then after cell bill, electricity, food etc. you're left with 100 to do whatever with. If you give her 20 bucks a week,that leaves you with 20 dollars for the whole family to use in an emergency, for a school trip or renting movies. Let her know that if you have money that you can really spare you'd give it to her, that you're not being mean by denying her a few dollars because it's fun and that every time she steals from you she stealing from the family.

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  • 1 decade ago

    How old are you??? That's ALOT of responsibility.....I understand you may love your family, and want to keep them together, but it sounds like your oldest sister has major issues. She needs to be with a family who can take care of her properly, in counseling, or something to that affect. If you are set on keeping them all, you need to come up with a system. Keeping things on a schedule is the best thing. Structure is best for everyone. Set rules and consequences, and follow them. Each child is different. So therefore, discipline should be different. With the 13 year old, you should speak with her doc..with the 4 year old. It's almost like he's mimicking his sister. I would start with verbal warnings, then move to time out, then spankings. You need to stay consistent with it though. OTherwise it won't help. With the 4 year old, maybe getting him in a daycare program will help. OR is he? IF so, speak with the teachers, see how he is at school. And if all else fails, speak with the doc about him too..

    ALl of you need counsling also. Research the AMelia Center and see if there is one located in your area. They are an amazing grief counseling service and are experienced with children.

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  • 1 decade ago

    You need family counseling. All of you are going through grief right now and your sister, the 13 year old, is going through the harshness of it. (My friend Sarah passed away and her younger sister is now a living nightmare because of her sisters death).

    Your sister needs to be heard and definitely needs counseling. She'll benefit from it. Get her involved in sports or some type of team activity. She may be better if she's involved with something.

    They don't see you as their parent and shouldn't. You are their brother and you are advancing from brother to live-in-parent (per say). Set ground/house rules, boundaries. Let them know if they do something wrong that something will be taken away. Let them know that you are in charge and you are going to be there for them when ever they need it.

    Source(s): I feel for you because I can't imagine taking all of my brothers children and trying to raise them.. esp when the 11 year old gives everyone an attitude. But I do have them living with me.. and their parents here and it's a living nightmare.
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  • 1 decade ago

    1. Get family counseling, that is a must, plus you have another baby on the way, you can't possibly take on such an extensive load with a new born.

    2. Beat the 13 year olds ***, grab a belt and spank her, don't abuse her, but spank her, let her know what she did was wrong in the harshest manner, make her REMEMBER that *** beating for a while. Every single time she defies you, beat her behind and ingrain it into her head that she can't do the things she's doing, otherwise she'll end up as immature, irresponsible adult, or dead.

    3. Start locking the 4 year old up; every time he/she defies, give a light spanking, when that doesn't work, confine him/her to a small space and make them understand why they are being punished.

    -- i know this may sound harsh but if you truly love your siblings your going to have to do this.

    Source(s): wisdom.
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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    ok last year i lived with my brother i was 13 . i had no respect for my brother or his girlfriend i cussed

    kicked, threw fits and everything else. then one day when i crossed the line with his girlfriend my brother got so mad at me like screamed in my face then he spanked me really hard and then made me stand in the corner he was standing right by making sure i did not move. after everything was taken out of my room except for about 5 outfits all ugly ones and my bed i had to write an apology letter to his girlfriend and him. I was also grounded for a month to my room could not leave except for school and to eat. after that i fallowed the rules and was very respectful to him and his girlfriend. that made me scared for a while.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Welcome to the teenage years - try a behaviour chart with black stars when bad and gold when good and if all gold at end of week they get a treat, it will work with the younger ones, as you said the younger ones are doing it because they learn from the older ones but the chart will work with them and will take a bit of convincing for the older ones. Always be calm do not shout because they are doing this to see how far they can go before you snap, don't lock them or keep them in their room, have somewhere else they go, like the naughty corner etc but ask your health visitor or doctor for help and they will help you. I don't what to make you feel bad but the problems are only starting, they get worse before they get better.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I think the best way to get to them is either spank them or (if you don't like spanking) take away their most prized possession (for all three of them) whether it be a cell phone their favorite toy or they video games. Thats alot of responsibility & I'm sorry to hear about your parents but good luvk with everything & I hoped I helped a little. Thanx for your advice, thats the one Im going with.

    Source(s): My parents got to me through taking my cell phone away when I acted out.
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