4 year old and 13 year old problems?

First I will start with the 13 year old. She throws fits when you tell her no. She spits on you. She kicks, screams. curses, doesn't listen, steals if we don't give her money (normally from someones bag or my room), defies me, and much more. She got suspended 4 times in her school. She is bipolar and... show more First I will start with the 13 year old. She throws fits when you tell her no. She spits on you. She kicks, screams. curses, doesn't listen, steals if we don't give her money (normally from someones bag or my room), defies me, and much more. She got suspended 4 times in her school. She is bipolar and anorexic. I ground her, take things away like privileges, time out, sending her to her room, and as last resort if it gets that far spanking. The only time she does listen is when i tap her lightly. I am in charge of my 4 year old brother, 13 year old sister, and 9 year old brother. My gf is pregnant. My parents died. What should I do? How do I get her to stop cursing?

Now with the 4 year old he does the same thing. He screams and throws fits. When we are out if I tell him no we already have that he'll throw it at me. If I ask something he talks back and says no. I have spanked him, put him in timeout, talking to him as well as the 13 year old, sending him to his room, refraining him from family activities or just canceling them (do that with the 13 year old too), everything. The only thing that seems to be getting through to them is hitting them and I hate hitting them. What should I do? He repeats and does everything the 13 year old and the 9 year old do. So if they curse he curses.

What I did one time which worked was I kept my sister in my room and I had all her cherished items. Everytime she cursed I erased some of her contacts in her phone. I did everything she loves to do. I didn't torture her I just did it enough to make her learn. She burst out crying and said sorry.

How do I discipline these kids?
Update: I am 20 years old.
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