How to handle this without being rude? Maybe we were rude already?

My fiance and I are having a destination wedding on the beach in 2 weeks. We have only invited our immediate families.

My F-SIL asked a few weeks ago if she could bring a friend. Initially, we said yes, but recently, we told her that we'd changed our mind. We are going to be spending all of our time together on the trip and it is only family.

The person she wants to take, V, is one of those emo kids. He is very whiny, likes to roll his eyes at people, and is strongly disliked by many members of my inlaw's family. My family is rather eccentric and will not take well to his potential eye rolling. I must say, I'm not thrilled with the idea of someone rolling their eyes at me on my big day, either.

My fiance spoke to his sister, explaining the situation. She said that if V can't come, neither will she. We didn't want to be stuck in a car for 13 hours with her and V making out shamelessly, which we are also afraid they will do on the trip. She went behind my fiance's back to arrange transportation for V and her.

V will be paying for nothing on the trip. My F-SIL will pay for everything for him since he doesn't have a job (he doesn't go to school either, he's a loser). Also, he is on probation and not allowed to leave the state.

What should we do? My fiance wants to talk to V man-to-man and explain that we only want family to be there on our big day. Would this be out of line? His sister intends to bring him anyway, so it seems to be the only solution.

The only other thing we can think of is talking to V's probation officer and telling him of his plans. I don't really want to do that, though.

What should we do?

Update:

I think I may be coming off as bride-zilla, but I am worried V will offend my family with his grumpiness and eye-rolling. My family is wacky, but lovable and sensitive.

V and my F-SIL have no shame. They will grope and make-out constantly. I really don't want them doing that while I am saying my vows.

On another note, my F-SIL is not in a serious relationship with V. They are F--K buddies or friends "with benefits."

17 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Girl, start telling the entire family he is on probation!! This way it gets to your SIL.

    It's your big wedding day and NO ONE should make you feel out of place. Have your man speak to him one on one. You speak to his sister.

    Let her know that her boyfriend and her are very important to you & your wedding day, and having them there means a lot to u. However. Since her boyfriend is on probation he CAN'T go because all the invites knows of his probation & the last thing u need is to be dealing with police officers or an arrest on your wedding day. u don't want anyone to get him in trouble, to the point that it will affect your wedding day because that would be a total fu*k-up, especially out of her part since she knows he is on probation.

    Explain to her how she should be Considering her brothers special day & feelings--just on this day @ least.

    If she acts up or disagree, than go ahead without her.

    Source(s): Good luck on your wedding! Have a great time
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    If talking to the probation officer isn't happening, then you just have to grin and bear it. The kid sounds really annoying and the sister obviously has bad judgment. But this is the happiest time in your life! When you are saying your vows, you will be focused on your husband, not some moron that may be rolling his eyes. I'm not saying that you don't have the right to not want him there, just please, don't let it ruin your wedding if he does come. I think that your family will understand that this person is not close to you and your husband and you can't control what he does. You can give them a heads up and they can just ignore him! You said that the in-laws don't like him either, so he will spend the entire time most likely being miserable. Just ignore him and let the sister make her mistakes. I really don't think that their groping and his eye rolling can ruin your wedding.

    You can try talking to him too, if you want, but the kid seems pretty determined to come. And if it's a free trip for him, you can kind of see why!

  • 1 decade ago

    This is what I hate about weddings, everyone wants things their own way even if the day has nothing to do with them!

    Just tell her that you don't want him there because he is a whiny emo. No need to be nice about it. Perhaps if you actually tell the truth and be a bit harsh rather than being nice she will get the idea rather than trying to go behind your back to bring him.

    And if she doesn't come, it doesn't sound like such a big loss either. She's the one who isn't going to respect your wishes in the first place.

    I think telling the probation officer is the best idea you have had yet!

  • 1 decade ago

    i really hope that there will come a day when this sister sees the error of her ways in putting some burden on society of a so-called friend above her family and brothers wedding. You should deffinitly put your foot down, and you may not even have to talk to the probation officer, it is possible that if your fiancee talks to him and plants the seed that he will be reported for leaving the state if he tries to do so, that may be enough to convince him that he doesnt want to end up in any more trouble than he already has. But if nothing still gets thru to him, and the sister wont go other wise, i will have to say that its her loss, and she will be the one who has to regret hurting her brother for this loser who will take off and find a new sugar mama in a few months.

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  • 1 decade ago

    It's your big day and you have a right to say who is going to be at your wedding or not. It's not fair for him to be there if you don't want him there. Tell him that he's not invited because of past issues or convince him to behave. If your fiances sister acts rudely and doesn't come to the wedding it doesn't matter because your wedding day isn't about the people that can come or not.....it's about you and your man. Don't let this stop you from having a good time. She will regret it later if she can't come and will apologize.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    This was my experience. My maid of honor decided to start doing drugs and being a real jack@$$. I was going to fire her but everyone-including my husband begged me to just keep my mouth shut b/c after the wedding we never have to talk to her again. Inviting and the uninviting someone like that was considered very rude to them-I thought it was justified to fire her. Needless to say they got pretty smashed at the wedding and then filed a lawsuit against the place b/c they "slipped and fell". It has been a nightmare and I regret not doing what I knew was right in the first place!! So stand your ground!!!

    Source(s): My wedding from hell.
  • 1 decade ago

    What a mess. What are you waiting for? Dial the probation officer.

    He and your FSIL are thumbing their nose at the rules....from his probation to your wedding. Probation is serious, he'll end up in jail if he leaves the state.

    If she doesn't come, oh, well, we'll miss you.

    Pick up the phone and dial!

  • 1 decade ago

    If it's a destination wedding, then she has every right to invite him to go on vacation with her. But the couple getting married also has every right to tell the FSIL that her friend is not invited to the wedding. However, I would just save your energy and let him come if it's going to save a lot of arguing. How are you so sure he will roll his eyes and they will make out during the wedding? And it shouldn't be any of anyone else's business who your FSIL chooses to be friends or friends "with benefits" with. It sounds to me like you just don't like the guy. If he is on probation and not supposed to leave the state, then that's between him and his parole officer. Is telling his parole office worth the fuss you're going to get back from your FSIL? Ultimately you have the right to deny him access to your wedding but I would really weight out whether or not it's worth it.

  • 1 decade ago

    Girl it is YOUR wedding and if you don't want someone there then they should not be there. You two need to sit down with his sister and explain to her they you only want family at YOUR wedding and he is not invited. If she chooses not to come if he cannot come twll her you will be disappointed she missed your wedding but he is not to come. Tell her if she shows up with him randomly that he will be paying his own bills and asked to leave if he starts rolling his eyes or anything that offends you.

    This is your day, not hers, she can grow up and go without him.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    If he's not allowed to leave the state then he shouldn't go. That's the rules. I would remind him of that and let him live with the consequences. As far as him ruining your day with his eye rolling, gosh, that's silly, you can't control everyone in your life. Even if he doesn't go, there will be other things that won't be perfect on your wedding trip. Your FSIL and he are grown ups and have to make their own decisions, I doubt they are trying to upset you.

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