Anonymous asked in Social SciencePsychology · 1 decade ago

Is it possible to out-grow shyness?

First of all, I am a very introverted person. I prefer to be by myself 99% of the time, like to work independently, and get satisfaction out of things most people would think are boring. Now, on top of that introversion, I am ALSO very shy. Painfully shy. I don't like attention but I am so freakin tall (6'5") that I always stand out no matter what.

Anyway I don't have a very positive view of myself physically or mentally. I'm constantly trying to improve my character and be a better person but at the end of the day I just feel horrible.

Anyway I'm going to college in 4 months so I need to outgrow my shyness. I want to be a success in life, not a failure simply because I have no confidence.

So my question is, is it possible to outgrow shyness? I wouldn't want to outgrow being quiet, I just want to be able to communicate smoothly with others when necessary. Thanks.

8 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    View the information and weblinks for social anxiety/shyness, and self confidence, in sections 9, and 38, (self confidence) at Here is an exercise that can help you. It is called "Act as If." When you are in a social situation, act as if you are outgoing. Talk more, smile at everyone, ask questions, speak in a normal or excited tone, not a meek tone. Watch some of your outgoing peers, and imitate the style of their social behavior. (I PRETEND that I'm an ACTOR, PLAYING a PART).

    Research shows that when you "act as if" continually, your image of yourself begins to conform to your new behavior. In this case, you will gain self-esteem and self-confidence, and begin to see yourself as socially normal, not shy. You will become more socially successful, and this will motivate you to continue your new social behavior until it becomes a habit. Try this for a month, in every situation you can. I am confident that you will become much more comfortable and outgoing.

    One form of therapy is to go somewhere that nobody knows you, and deliberately make an utter fool of yourself: put on a paper hat, and yell out: "I'm queen/king of America!", or something else ridiculous, (make up your own - have some fun, safely) then get back in the taxi, (warn the driver of your intentions, first) or car, and leave. People will point, and say: "Look at that idiot". But, you may not be up to the stage where you can do that, yet (I can, and I used to be shy). Or, preferably in the company of a friend, or family member, on a different train, or bus route to your regular one, call out the names, or numbers of all the stops. It will teach you that, although it isn't actually pleasant, (EXPECT MODERATE DISCOMFORT) you will survive; be stronger for the experience, and the next time (should you need to repeat this type of therapy) will be considerably easier. Remember: "A fear avoided is a fear strengthened; a fear faced is a fear reduced." Regard it as your final test: once you have accomplished it, the barrier will be broken; just don't go too far, the other way! Learn to laugh at yourself, and give a big, cheesy grin when others see you do something foolish, as we all do, occasionally.

    It is endearing, if you don't do it too often. Use positive affirmations: for example: "I am very likable and other people feel comfortable around me". Write down all of your self limiting beliefs; then write down the positive counter of them, (exact opposite) and repeat them and imprint them into your mind. Most importantly: Force yourself to approach somebody and initiate some sort of communication. Start out small by asking the time and directions and gradually go bigger. Although there are anti-anxiety medications (anxiolytics) available, these come with risks, and the possibility of side effects, habituation, even addiction, and withdrawal problems, and are unsuitable for young people.

    Try having a cup of "Tension Tamer", herbal tea, by Celestial Seasonings, (from supermarket tea, or health food aisles) or make some at home, and cool, then bottle, and drink as needed (I find it so strong tasting, that I need to drink it quickly, followed by something like fruit juice, to take away the taste, but others may find it more tolerable). C(h)amomile tea is a more palatable option. As with all herbal/green teas, use lemon/lime, and/or a little sweetener (NOT ARTIFICIAL!!!) but no cream, or milk. Xylitol, or Stevia is preferable, (health food stores) or fruit sugar (fructose, such as "Fruisana", from supermarket sugar aisles).

    Source(s): Valerian has also been recommended, but some people experience "valerian hangovers". Ensure you know how you react to it, before doing something potentially dangerous, like going out on the roads. The idea is to use the above like water wings, to provide initial, short term support, while you become proficient in those techniques. 40% of people are fairly suggestible. http://www.hypnosisdownloads/ has many: SEARCHBAR - "social anxiety", or Social Anxiety CD - MP3 & Overcoming Shyness CD - MP3. At enter "social anxiety; CD, VHS, & books" - do the same with shyness.
  • 1 decade ago

    Outgrow? I don't quite think that would be the proper term at this point.

    One would "outgrow" being shy and start developing some people skills much sooner.

    Outgrow meaning that it just comes naturally without any perceivable effort applied.

    At this juncture you are going to have to work at it.

    It all starts with eye contact my friend. You simply must look at people right in the eye and maintain. The impression someone gets from that initial eye contact is immense. Your eyes can betray you every time. Make them break eye contact first. This is one of those things that lies deep down inside and establishes a clear impression that you are not meek. Its not really a stare down to a fight, its just a simple unspoken signal.

    Ask people their names and remember them. Have a firm handshake. Greet them by name when you see them.

  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    Puberty didn't really make a difference for me. But some day when you are older, get a job as a server at a restaurant. It helped me over come my shyness completely.

  • 5 years ago

    Anxiety disorders are the most common mental health problem in the U.S., affecting about one out of five people at any given time. There are many safe nondrug remedies for anxiety. Read here

    Anxiety can take many forms — generalized anxiety disorder (constant worrying about everyday things), obsessive-compulsive disorder or OCD, panic disorder, post traumatic stress disorder and social anxiety disorder.

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  • 4 years ago

    Cure Social Anxiety Shyness -

  • 1 decade ago

    yes. i used to be a terribly shy at 24 i am much outgoing and comfortable..although still a little shy.

  • 1 decade ago

    wait. till your in college going to parties, getting drunk and getting LAID. You sure won't be shy after that!

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