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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Education & ReferenceHomework Help · 1 decade ago

Read MY ESSAY! TELL me if it's good!! BEST ANSWER!**?

I'm in the 8th grade. So is this good for 8th grade level?

PLEASE fix all mistakes OR at least point them out...any grammatical mistakes too. Thanks. Also, how can I make my writing more interesting? (Add or suggest details!)

Oh and not to brag, but I've been the valedictorian for about 7 year and plan to remain that way, so, YES, this does count as a big part of my grade...

Nothing But the Truth

Humans lie numerous times in their lives. Even without realizing it! Sometimes we extend or twist the truth. It’s in out nature to lie but not to the extent where things get too far. However, many of us may not notice that when we’re in the act of lying, we say too much and get carried away with what we’re saying, and don’t realize that this one small lie can lead to something bigger and bigger. That’s what happened to Phillip Malloy.

In this documentary novel, we follow through a series of documents: memos, journal-entries, newspaper and talk show stories that tell about the story. By reading the novel, you can easily see that a ninth grader, Phillip Malloy, is antagonized by his English teacher, Ms Narwin. He claims that she gives him a hard time and failing grades purposely without any reason. Due to the failing grades, Phillip’s been told if he doesn’t get a passing in all his classes, he won’t be eligible to make the track team. Not to mention that Phillip lives for running. To pursue his dream of being in the Olympics, Phillip decides to annoy Narwin and try to get out of her class to get a passing grade in English. He makes that accommodation by humming the National Anthem when it is played over the loud speaker during opening exercises despite that the rule states that students should "stand at respectful silent attention." The teacher, a sincere and dedicated woman, rises to the bait, and throws the kid out of her class. From her perspective, Malloy was creating some sort of “disturbance.”

Anyways, from then on things just grow bigger and more and more out of focus; a man running for school board, Ted Griffen, grabs it as an election cause. Phillip also tells the story to a reporter, Jennifer Steward, from the Manchester Record. After listening to his side of the story, she tries to investigate and get her facts straight making sure if what he said about him being suspended was valid. She calls the superintendent, Ms. Narwin, the assistant principal and the principal. She then assumes the story was confirmed since she didn‘t get any real answers. The next day it’s brought up in the newspaper. Everyone in the city reading the morning paper is more than surprised/shocked to find out that a boy is “suspended for showing patriotism.”

From here, the national press takes action leading it to Jake Barlow’s talk show which gets people even more roused. This is when the real acid spills. Jake Barlow displays a bad reputation on Harrison High. He tries to attempt people to see the “bad” of Harrison High. He also encourages people to send letters telling the school what they think about this. Soon enough as we all expected, Harrison High receives a spoonful of hateful mail and rude remarks.

Things are getting worse and worse if no drastic action is taken ASAP…

Was Phillip Malloy’s free speech actually been violated?

Oh and there ARE paragraphs..although they just don't come up. So don't point that out as a mistake..

Grade me 1-100....

Update:

Tinkerbell..you can hardly spell OFFENSE!

And on your profile's "about me" you said "bussy" when you mean busy. So it really just sounds like YOU'RE (not youre) a 5th grader. Nice try.

Update 2:

You also spelled SHOCKED and a million other things wrong...

Update 3:

So much for you're "AP"

pfft

2 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    1. It’s in out nature to lie but not to the extent where things get too far. (doesn't make much sense.. what are you trying to say?? maybe re word it)

    2.By reading the novel, you can easily see that a ninth grader, Phillip Malloy, is antagonized by his English teacher, Ms Narwin (Throughout the nove, Philip Malloy is antagonized by his English teacher, Ms Narwin)

    3. Due to the failing grades, Phillip’s been told if he doesn’t get a passing in all his classes, he won’t be eligible to make the track team. (weardly structured)

    4, Anyways, from then on things just grow bigger and more and more out of focus; a man running for school board, Ted Griffen, grabs it as an election cause. ("anyways"makes it sound like youre texting someone.. or tellling a story.. that sentence is very chilish. When you say "things" even though you know what it is, you must clarify "more and more" sounds like you are telling a little kid a story.. and out of focus? what do you mean? Im not trying to pick on you, but once you get into highschool, your teachers are goona kick your butt, you gotta explain everything.. , i dont really know what youre trying to say but i will say something like, Philip's "disturbance" became more problematic when T.G [grabs it (what do you mean?) as an election cause]

    4. After listening to his side of the story, she tries to investigate and get her facts straight making sure if what he said about him being suspended was valid. (making sure if what he said about his suspension was valid)

    5. suprised/shoked (suprised AND shoked.. dont do \)

    6. ASAP (youre not texting!)

    ok.. read your intro, and then your body,.. if you read them both, you will see that your body has nothing to do with your intro. you didnt talk about lying at all.. maybe philip was lying. but you didnt say he was.. you just made it sound like he was showing patriotism.. and then your concluding sentence "Was Phillip Malloy’s free speech actually been violated?" doesnt support your intro eather..

    i will give you a 60% because you basically just gave a summary of the book.. you didnt talk about lying. you didnt say about the effects of lying and how he can get carried away. you said it in the intro..

    so try to work on that. dont put too much plot summary..

    dont take my comments as an offence.. but try to look at my corrections

    good luck!

    Source(s): AP english, Junior in HighSchool,
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Quick tip: ALWAYS avoid contractions. For example, instead of using the word "don't," write "do not." Instead of saying "it's" write "it is." This will make your essay sound more professional and well-written.

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