How do you overcome severe feelings of inadequacy?
have you ever felt severe feelings of inadequacy, I have trouble believing in myself and I feel like I'm never good enough for anyone, my parents, my boyfriend, etc...I put myself down constantly, I hate the image this puts out of me and I especially hate feeling this way, I feel like I'm constantly being compared to other people or being judged because I'm not fulfilling everyones wants and desires, like I do not have the straight a's & b's through college like my sister, do not have any big goals for myself, do not have a good job & mostly i feel completely unattractive to my bf, no perfect body like all these girls that catches his eye on the street, i've just had a very difficult time dealing w/ these sorts of things lately. i feel so inferior to mostly everyone.
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Self esteem/confidence is addressed in section 38, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris Some advice, and options: Volunteer, even from home, at first, to provide a solid basis in reality for the daily affirmations: "I am a good person, who is valued by my community, because I... (insert activity here)..". Section 47 also refers. On volunteering outside the home, you will come into contact with supportive people, and receive positive feedback for your efforts, which will be obviously appreciated; there are many options; one is sure to suit you. I have recently encountered another opinion, however, which is that, just as it is important to build a house on a solid foundation, so it is with self esteem. Learn to forgive yourself for your past mistakes, and failures, or inadequacies.
Accept that you, too are just a human being, with the frailties, insecurities, and tendency to err, occasionally, that the rest of us have. That is the beginning of self love, self acceptance, and self esteem. Regularly monitor your internal monologue (self talk): write down the negative ones: "I'm really ugly" and then the converse: "I'm fairly good looking", and next time you become aware that you are thinking the former, visualise, as vividly as possible, a big "STOP!!!" sign, and/or a stern faced person wagging a finger at you, and deliberately repeat 5 times, either aloud, in a big voice, if alone, or subvocally (to yourself, in your mind), the converse affirmation. Some people go so far as to keep a wide rubber band in their pocket, then put it around their wrist, when they catch themselves backsliding, stretch and release it, as a method of reprogramming their mind sooner, but I don't regard it as being strictly necessary.
Habits take about 30 - 40 repetitions to become established, with most people. Make a list of all your good points, strengths, and achievements. Put it somewhere so you can easily refer to it, from time to time; perhaps on the refrigerator door, or print it; (large typeface, or capitalise) have it framed, and place in your bedroom, or in a position of prominence, such as on the television, or lounge room wall. Practise one of the relaxation methods in sections 11, 2, 2c, or 2i, daily, and when needed. Also, give the EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. Section 53 at ezy-build also refer. "Even though I sometimes have low self esteem/self confidence, I deeply and completely accept myself".
Read: "Lift your mood now." by John D Preston, Psy.D. 2001, New Harbinger Publications, Inc., 5674 Shattuck Avenue, Oakland. CA 94609
http://www.amazon.com/ may be worth trying for this, (you could also enter "self esteem" in their searchbar) because it approaches the building of self esteem using a different, but equally valid method.Source(s): If you are one of the 40% of people who are fairly suggestible, you may wish to consider professional hypnotherapy, or: Self Esteem Booster - Self Esteem Booster Hypnosis Download - http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/ (there are 400+ to choose from - view!) or from: http://www.asktheinternettherapist.com/h... - Self-esteem - Forest Tape - A hypnosis CD or tape with suggestions for mental health, wellness and self-esteem using forest guided imagery and hypnotic trance. By Jef Gazley, M.S., LMFT, Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist or: Self-esteem - Beach
- 1 decade ago
I actually have the same problem that you do. The best thing you can do for yourself is to a.) go to therapy and try to figure out WHY you feel inferior to people, and b.) to find people who can help convince you of what an amazing person you probably are. Like, I have a boyfriend and he knows how insecure I am, and all he does is try to convince me of what he sees and how wonderful he thinks I am, and there are probably people in your life who could help you with this as well if you tell them what you feel.
- lahdeiaLv 41 decade ago
Sweetie i used to feel just like that. I followed something my friend was doing at the time. She would look at her self in the mirror and find one thing that she liked about herself. She found a different thing everyday. It also helped me to focus on the good things in my life. Your boyfriend could have picked any one, but he chose you... In school, as long as you are doing your best, no one can judge you. You can't please everyone. and so what if you don't. Once you start feeling good about your self and what you are doing, you will feel better. Concentrate on the goals you have and eventually you can set bigger ones. You will be surprised how much you are loved. Once you love your self, things will seem a lot better. I hope i helped.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Hmmmm....I thought you did a pretty good job of putting this together! It was always hard for me to put my feelings to words. You should really consider a job in writing!