*$*$* CHECK OUT MY LYRICS *$*$* Need feedback...I'm tryn to get a deal...?

I'm a 22 year old caucasian all about blazin... the rest is history...

but i am in a contest for a record deal and i need some feedback on my lyrics...i have to decide on one submission and wanna know what other people think about my lyrics... let me get some feedback...

“wake up” whys everybody sleepin on me

“wake up” open up you eyes and see

“wake up” u know I be in the V I P

“wake up” bouncer needs your ID

“wake up” know im fresh as can be

“wake up” who else? No there aint nobody

I aint doing this for charity

Its with such sincerity I do this for our posterity

Take a moment of clarity to see that what I have is a rarity

And note the severity of the disparity in lyrical dexterity

With such vulgarity You must think this is a parody

hilarity produced with regularity

Yet we rejoice in solidarity as I gain popularity and prosperity

The only similarity is the familiarity

Of the way I look

Just don’t judge a book

By its cover

Cuz ima make them haters a lover

Cuz me like the majority

I have issues with authority

But white or black, asian or latino

I know you gotta feel me bro

Theres too much hate going on

I’m the MVP in waiting like LeBron

Put that haterade on ice

My skills are way too nice

Just like Mr. Rogers

extending offers

of “Won’t you be my neighbor?”

Quit being a hater

Just jump on the trolly while its getting goin

And take a hit of the sticky im blowin

Cuz I burn more trees than a california wildfire

And I hear in California they got wild fire

And that’s what im tryin to achieve

To make you believe

Just California dreamin about sitting next to Jack Nicholson

Askin if he wants to go blaze one

Just me him and snoop

As kobe takes it to the hoop

To kick it with Dre in Californ-I-A

And ask Cube if today was a good day

They wont even wanna play with this

Cuz we got a point like Baron Davis

We in the golden state

At the golden gate

And the **** we got be first rate

Cruise down Wilshire and and smoke some fire

mourn at the spot where Big expired

Cuz when I’m retired I wanna be admired like Kareem Abdul-Jabaar, and have a star,

On the walk of fame just the same

As all the icons of Hollywood

Man I know I could

Coming from Florida reppin the Gators mingling with Raiders

Like Bone I started in Cleveland but I know when I’m leavin they’ll be believin

They struck gold like a 49er cuz the nuggets I got are Yukon

They just panning for gold in a bathtub that’s luke warm

This aint a game gotta get this fame

a straight commodity

somewhat of an oddity

im fresh like a new picked strawberry

and I know its scary

Been sleepin on me like im ambien

But the noise I make aint ambient

If every fish in the sea kept their mouth shut then none would get caught

You know you really ought to do what you thought and keep chasing what you’ve sought

like Ahab you can catch that white whale instead of telling the tale the of the one that got away Ive been waiting for this day

To take my rightful place in the universe

As through this music we converse

Conveying my thoughts, hopes and dreams

Delaying the pain, hurt and screams,

Steady on my grind to eloquate whats on my mind

I just gotta allocate the hate to a level that’s unreachable

To educate the unteachable

I know its possible to overcome this obstacle

And achieve greatness

Despite any shortcoming.

I just cant take this

I gotta be forthcoming

And reveal the truth

Give em some proof

Using humor to get in your brain like a tumor but it aint just a rumor

Like Hiroshima I’m a big boomer but not like the big bopper ill take a chopper cuz the day the music died if I were I alive ida cried drive my chevy to levy and discuss just how heavy it was that we lost ritchie valens and buddy holly all cuz of the pilots folly flying in the snow I just don’t know Don Mclean knows what I mean with planes hittin the Hudson call greyhound ill be bussin

If I wanna cruise at 30,000 feat Illl sit my @$s on the couch and just open a pouch

A bag, but not schwag, of that **** that gives me my swag

I don’t mean to be rude, but shut the **** up dude I’ve reached my cruising altitude

Ima just sit back and enjoy this first class flight, you know I get right

Flying with Mary Jane air, way up there,

This is the closest ill get to heaven, man I feel like a reverend

Of temple 420 its not even funny

This thc is like a gift to me

Wrapped up in little sticky bundles by god himself

Used by not only those with great wealth

But the common man, too, can understand,

Why Thomas J puffed on a J

And wrote the constitution on hemp

And he had more baby mommas than shawn kemp

And don’t forget the O’ G

What cant the government see

That the first Gee dubyah saw

Nowadays whats up with the law

Washington was an advocated for weed

Yet nowadays we’d

Rather fund the war on drugs

And go after people selling hemp rugs

Than fight the poverty.

Just want a reason to bother me

I cant even grow my own

Even in my home

Update:

For my own personal use

Man whats the use

In having faith in a system

That just wont listen

But now that we’ve called for Change

Maybe Obama can arrange

To offer Cannibus in a can for us

Anyone chiefing them Marlboro Greens knows what it means

To crave true freedom in this country

I cant even front, b

I wanna smoke two joints before I smoke two joints

And then ill smoke two joints

I wanna walk down the street and not feel my feet

Just float on a cloud of smoke, rising higher with each toke,

Off the ground, I know I’ve found

Just what I need, green is the color I bleed.

Some may call my habit an addiction

And I cant really say that’s fiction

You best dig what I dug

Cuz if weeds a gateway drug

I got the the key

Its THC

But this **** that’s got me coughin

Might leave me in a coffin

But id give my life anyday

Just to be able to sail away

On a cloud of purple kush

And when shove comes to push

Stand fast and slow down

Cuz this **** aint right

Its just whats left

Update 2:

From years of hysteria and hypocrisies

Acting like potheads were a disease who would just do what they please

Cannibalized schizos wandering the street

Tyring to find a human to eat

Mumbling to themselves

While they just run back to their shelves

Check the medicine cabinet

Grab the little orange bottle with the childproof cap on it

Down a few roxys

Yah, you know oxys

Oxycontin, oxycodone, Roxanne, yah man

Put em in your hand

Then’ll youll understand

Like Rush Limbaugh

You know he saw

Them blue and yellow purple hills

But this **** aint edited

So pop those blue and yellow purple pills

Yeah Eminem can be credited

For the previouse verse

But it is I who traverse

Across this barren dessert

The saharah,

And I aint tryin to scare ya,

But like Mike Myers I just cant stop

And not like Austin Powers

The one who waited for hours

Standing just beyond that Elm Tree

Stalking you like Jamie Lee

Curtis This is a courtesy

Fair warning

I’ll come at u like Curtis did ross

Update 3:

/ man whos the boss?

Lyrically im a deranged psychopathic killer

Like Michael did in Thriller

Im fixin to change the game

Atleast so I claim

Im just tryin to get mine so don’t get to clappin

Cuz I dont claim I ever was trappin’

But I musta been a fur trader in another life

Cuz ladies love me, even your wife

And I deal with that beaver, best believe her

When she said theres someone else

The other night I straight pissed on yo chick like R Kelz

But not before I ate it like a peach

she knows my skills orally are outta reach

Felt like a winner cuz I had her over for dinner

Had a full plate, yeah I was eatin

I gave your girls pussy a beatin

First I was like Air Jordan, goin hard to the hole with my tongue out

Makin her scream and shout

Shell never forget, like how to ride a bike

But in the end her who will wanna be more like Mike

Cuz she wont be able to stop from coming back

Once she knows how I rocket up ill be able to lock her up

Update 4:

And just chalk it up to my devilish charm

Am I causing alarm?

I mean no harm. I’m just playin man.

I aint really even a fan. Who would want that tired old pussy anyway. You can keep it and that’s all I have to say.

5 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    You may want to think about musical composition as it refers to a set number of bars per verse. Most producers make music based on this structure and if you follow it you may be more likely to represent that you know what you are doing and, in turn, get signed more easily.

    As far as the lyrics, there are some high marks throughout, but concentrate on flow rather than making the next line rhyming. It's got to rhyme of course, but it should sound good along the way too.

  • Bustin Flows is a blistful high

    you ain't pro so don't even try

    step back and taste the flavor

    F@#k Mr. Rogers that gay *** neighbor

    you aint even original never was a criminal

    your rhymes are weak and without doubt are minimal

    I ain't dissin just dimissin

    bet your girl says you suck at kissin

    it's all life your missin.

    Get it before your time expires

    you have the desire just not the skill.

    Source(s): Just playin......cool
  • 3RD
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    lots of ritys in the beginng

    tooo long

    limit it

    Source(s): thanx for the lyrics ima use em j/k
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    hot

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  • ur a caucasion all bout blazin..................................................................

    ..............................................................................................................

    ........................

    .............nice

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