"50 Fun Things To Do At Wal-Mart
*Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
*Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
*Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
*Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.
*Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
*Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
*Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters/computers.
*Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
*When there are people behind you, walk really slow, especially thin narrow aisles.
*Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I think we’ve got a Code 3 in Housewares,” and see what happens.
*Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to “10”.
*Play with the automatic doors.
*Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!...” etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
*While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, “Who buys this crap, anyway?”
*Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
*Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a “test drive.”
*Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
*Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
*As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, “Wow. Magic!”
*Put M&M’s on layaway.
*Move “Caution: Wet Floor” signs to carpeted areas.
*Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
*Test the fishing rods and see what you can “catch” from the other aisles.
*Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
*Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, “...I’m Batman. Come, Robin—to the Batcave!”
*TP as much of the store as possible.
*Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
*Play with the calculators so that they all spell “hello” upside down.
*When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, “Why won’t you people just leave me alone?”
*When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, “Red Rover!”
*Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., “Do you have any Shnerples here?”
*Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
*Take bets on the battle described above.
*Nonchalantly “test” the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
*While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
*Hold indoor shopping cart races.
*Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission: Impossible.
*Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
*Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
*Say things like, “Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?”
*Set up a “Valet Parking” sign in front of the store.
*Two words: “Marco Polo.”
*Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
*“Re-alphabetize” the CD’s in Electronics.
*In the auto department, practice your “Madonna” look with various funnels.
*When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
*Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
*When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, “No, no! It’s those voices again!”
*Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
*Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it."
· 1 decade ago