Lv 6

What do you think about feminists who look down on being stay at home mothers and homemakers?

I can't stand this radical type of feminism that makes women who want to be stay at home mothers and homemakers out to be bad people. I'm tired of these crazy women saying that it's pathetic that I want to be a mother above anything else, and that I'm stupid because my goal in life isn't to make thousands of dollars a year and have a "rewarding" professional career of my own. I'm a traditionalist, and I believe the man should be the head of the household and the main breadwinner.

Does anyone else hold this view anymore? Or am I the only one who would like to hold on to this way of life?

Thanks. And please, no rude answers. You're entitled to your opinions but you don't have to be jerks about it.


My use of should clearly indicates that I am NOT a feminist. Far from it actually. I don't look down upon those who are feminists, but in my opinion there are certain tasks that men SHOULD do, and certain that women are more suited for. Obviously I don't believe that men and women are equal in everything they do. That's just my opinion, and I certainly don't enforce it on anyone who doesn't feel that way.

Update 2:

I guess I'm not a "gender-progressive" person.

15 Answers

  • Best Answer

    I would say that they couldn't handle being a stay at home mom, especially during that first year. Lets see how long there 9 to 5 lasts them while they're getting 3 hours of sleep a night.

  • 4 years ago

    It's not just women who feel this way about homemaking. I've been told off by men when I was a stay at home mother, for being "lazy". I think we've come a long way from the days when stay at home mothers were viewed as parasites.But many women find staying at home boring, unfulfilling, lonely and it doesn't pay very well. I do believe in putting children first and I do believe that children should be brought up in their own home. But I also know how little pension I am going to get and that I face a very poor retirement.

  • 1 decade ago

    I work full time and am a mother. I am very successful in my career and enjoy it very much. I was very lucky to have a fantastic babysitter, or my choices may not have been what they now are....

    I know this is my choice, and I have never had harsh feelings for those who choose differently. I know running a house is no piece of cake. I also only have one child. I know you find it rewarding as I do my job.

    I feel successful that having both family and career has worked out for me. I feel that if you have only family and you feel successful, we are equal in my eyes.

    I do have issues with the man as the head of the household. We share responsibilities; not equally, of course. My share is much greater than his. He, for instance, thinks flushing the toilet is about all there is to cleaning a bathroom. Decisions are made together. Money is spent together. I'll be damned if he will tell me what to do, or what I can spend or where I can go. I will cherish, honor, respect but never obey.

    Only by having good help have I been able to feel successful about running my home and raising my daughter. You are able to do it without help and for that I applaud you.

  • 1 decade ago

    I don't really care what other people think. People think I am a bad mother because my son has been in daycare since he was a few months old. They predicted he was going to be this monster child due to being 'raised in daycare'. He is 8 now and a great kid. I did what was right for me and my son and our situation.

    I don't like lazy people - whether they are a stay at home mom or a coworker, can't stand it. Just like there are lazy workers, there are lazy home makers and they give others a bad rap.

    I think being a stay at home parent is not viewed as necessary these days since the children go to school and most of our work is automated (we have laundry machines rather than washing boards,etc...) so I think that is where that thought process comes from.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    In my experience, the "radical type" of feminist is not more likely than than the "liberal type" to denigrate SAHMs. And it's hardly just some feminists who do this. Just thought I'd say this for the sake of accuracy.

    The decline of traditional industry and the rise of the service sector over the last 40 years means there has been economic pressure driving women to paid work. Obviously for women to go to work rather than raise their own children they would have to want or need to do so.

    And that is what we see: (a) two incomes are better than one, and the structure of the system makes it harder and harder for one parent to stay at home; and (b) greater value is placed on paid work and SAHMs are accorded with lower status by society generally. So people believe that a person's worth is based on the work they do.

    The economy demands it. For people to make money, the public have to buy things. So, people are encouraged to be more materialistic. An $80,000 car is not eight times better than a $10,000 car, but people nowadays live to the edge of their means. They just *have* to have that "thing". It is a sad state of affairs when people work long hours in a job they hate to buy things they don't need to impress people they don't like.

    This socialisation is inevitable under economic "modernisation" but not fair to someone like you. When someone runs counter to society's expectations they are met with resistance by the people who have totally accepted contemporary values. So people who generate all their self-esteem from the size of their salaries, the size of their house and the amount of stuff they own, could never understand how anyone could live any other way. Wanting to raise your own children must mean you are "oppressed", "demeaned" and "unfulfilled". Quite how slaving away in a job to generate money for someone else is "rewarding" I don't know but that's how it is.

    I have noticed this kind of reaction before in other areas when people see someone living different. Just your presense is offensive, that your existense shows that another type of lifestyle is possible - one that they haven't considered and can't comprehend.

  • 1 decade ago

    Honey, I agree with you completely. I think whatever works for the betterment of the family and those involved is best. If the woman decides she wants to stay at home with her children...how is that bad? I think it's a wonderful thing to be able to do that. But on the other hand, if a woman doesn't want any children at all and wants this power-career...God bless her too. I just don't like when anyone has to jam their beliefs down anyone else's throat. We all have our own ways of doing things, our own lifestyles and our own spirituality. Live and let live is a good thing!

  • 1 decade ago

    well are you actually married or not? If you're married with kids, there are a lot of other stay at home moms out there, many of whom like myself struggle with depression and loneliness.

    You sound like you should be involved in a church. I bet you would find a lot of women who believe like you if you are married.

    If you are single, though, and you are going around saying you want to be a stay at home mom and find a man who wants that, well, I hope you are part of a strong, large faith community where you can find such a man.

    If you are single, and not ambitious career-wise, find a job that can at least support you and interest you enough in the event that you don't find a willing partner. Be positive and find things that interest you apart from marriage and motherhood. Even stay at home moms need fun stuff to do - crafting, sewing, reading, spending time with friends, learning - to keep from going crazy. It's just part of being a well-rounded person.

  • 1 decade ago

    You lost me at the word "should." Feminism is NOT about what women should or shouldn't do. Women spent generations being told what they should or shouldn't do, and the point of feminism is to eradicate that. We should have the right to choose what we want to do, whether it's to be a stay at home wife or whether it's to be a working wife. Women have the right to do either, just as men do, based upon what they want and what's best for them. That's the power of choice, and I think that it to be respected and it's the very point of feminism. But where you lose me is that you say that men SHOULD be the breadwinner. If a couple decides on that because it's what they want and because it's what they choose, that's great. But when anyone says that men should do this and women should do that, I have a problem with that. That is sexist, and that is against feminism. I plan to be a stay at home mother for a short time when my husband and I have children. Why? Because I want to, because we feel it's best for our kids, and because we can afford it. That's my choice, and I have that right, just like other wives have the right to decide to work and that's to be respected too. But the minute you tell me men should do this and women should do that, it's a huge issue. It's about choice and freedom, not about should or shouldn't and male/female stereotypical roles.

    I do agree that feminists shouldn't judge others for their choices. Feminism is about the right to being able to choose in and of itself. But, at the same time, it's hard to differentiate between those who stay home because they choose to and those who stay home because they feel they have to, should do it, or that's there only allotted role in the family. To me, I know that when I stay home it will be my choice, so I don't want to be lumped in or categorized as someone who thinks it's something that a woman should do, and a man should do something else. People shouldn't judge, and people should have a choice (people as in both men and women), but when you say men should be the breadwinners, that not exactly gender-progressive thinking either.

    Your opinion is your opinion. You're entitled to that. No need to get angry at others for expressing theirs in a mature way. The fact is, feminists shouldn't judge others for their opinions. End of story. We're all entitled to our own opinions. I am merely pointing out that true feminists should not have a problem with a woman staying home because she chooses to. It shouldn't be a "hard rule." I personally do not believe that men or women should be pigeon holed into certain roles, and I'm merely pointing out that perhaps that's the reason why feminists have an issue with your staying home. Not because of staying home in general, but because of the motives behind it.

    Source(s): Army Wife. Psychologist. Nurse.
  • 1 decade ago

    Honestly when I was five I stood up in my class and said that when I grow up I want to be a mom. And to this day that is all I want. I've never cared about jobs and money and all that. I want a good man and I want to settle in a house and live with my babies. I will still work because in this economy unless he's really good job, the extra money can't hurt.

    I'd love to spend the day teaching my children the wonderful thing about life and not have them over at some babysitters house with 10 other kids. I always feel like I'm the only one with this point of view because many people thing I'm crazy for thinking like this and I don't understand why!

  • Tori
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Totally agree-I have been a stay at home housewife for 24 years.

    I love it ,and my husband does not want me to work.

    Everyone gets looked after properly and there are no squabbles about who does what.In other words I do everything.LOL

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