請幫我修我的英文心得!!

請幫忙看看我的心得噢

可以幫忙修我的文法或是語句不順暢

最好有標示還有原因:D

第一段

It is such a funny story to stimulate deep thought. The wealth of the mind is the only true wealth. How come? So many people in the world are rich enough, but they don’t satisfy at all. Sometimes they want more money despite that they don’t know how to use it. Money can’t make them happy because they work and work to gather money. That makes them have no time to be happy. They are worried about money. What they are thinking about is money. Some of them regard money as the most important thing that is even more important than their family and friends. Actually, I think that they don’t understand what money really is. There are still some poor people who really need money. They have no food and family, and they have no money for school. Money should be given to them. Maybe one dollar can save them from dying. They can prove the true value of money.

第二段

Unfortunately, people can’t keep their money forever. When people die, their money is nothing more than garbage for them. The thing which can last forever is love. When people lose love, they keep nothing.

The story also tells us “As you sow, so you will reap.” If we don’t help others, they won’t help us, either. If we are kind to others, they will give us a smile, too. Just like Scrooge, he was mean to everybody in the beginning, so no one wanted to be with him. They hated him. At the end of the story, he became so nice that everyone liked him. After he changed, he became a generous man who really cared for others. It is more blessed to give than to receive. When he didn’t care for money anymore, he donated money to those who really need it. Then he became much happier than before. Helping and serving others is the foundation of happiness.

Update:

第三段

I think we shouldn’t pursue only fame and fortune. Instead, we should care for people around us. Money can’t buy everything, especially love and real friendship.

Update 2:

Scrooge was a wise and lucky man because he found his mistake and changed himself before he died. Everyone makes mistakes, so a fault confessed is half redressed.

Update 3:

故事大綱

There was a very miserly man, Scrooge, who hated to spend or give money away. He refused to help others in need. He didn’t believe in Christmas at all, and he always said: “Bah, humbug!” about Christmas.

Update 4:

However, on one Christmas Eve, a ghost attached with the chain visited him. It was his partner, Marley, who died seven years ago. Marley told Scrooge that he was so mean before he died, so he became a ghost with the chain of sorrow and pain walking through the world of living.

Update 5:

After Marley disappeared, three different ghosts visited him one after another. They showed him his past, present, and future Christmas. He saw his past from a child to a money-loving adult. He lost his fiancée because of money.

Update 6:

Then, he saw his present Christmas. His nephew was discussing about him. They said he was so miserly that nobody liked him. After that, he saw his future Christmas. He died but nobody was sad. Some people sold his things to get money.

Update 7:

Scrooge then realized that if he hadn’t changed, he would have died all alone with no one to love him or remember him kindly. The next day, when he woke up, he was so happy that he still had time to change his life.

Update 8:

He became the new Scrooge who donated much money to the poor and helped them have a better life.

不好意思有點長

大綱也是我寫的也麻煩看看囉:D

Update 9:

感謝回答:)

不過可不可以請問文法錯誤的原因?

感謝~

1 Answer

Rating
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    第一段

    ''They are worried about money. What they are thinking about is money.''

    This stament can be crosed out, because it is a little bit weired when you read through the pharagraph.

    第二段

    'If we are kind to others, they will give us a smile, too.''

    It's better to cross out the ''too'', because ''too'' usually means ''also''

    第二段

    ''he was mean to everybody in the beginning, so no one wanted to be with him.''

    the grammer here is wrong, it should be "no one want to be with him'' instead of ''wanted''

    第二段

    ''he became a generous man who really cared for others.''

    also grammer is wrong, should be care but not cared

    第二段

    ''Helping and serving others is the foundation of happiness.''

    Actually ''foundation'' is meaning 基礎 so I think using '' key'' is better

    第三段

    ''Money can't buy everything, especially love and real friendship. ''

    this can be crossed out becasue you've already mentioned above

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