I feel guilty for giving my baby for adoption ?
I feel guilty about giving her for adoption but i dont have any support from my family nor from babydather , I dont have a job and i cant even pay my bills , but i dont wanna give her to someone else wha are my choices? i cant get section 8 here in maryland there is a 5 year waiting list !
no one is hiring!
y are u guys putting me down?
- M M TLv 71 decade agoFavorite Answer
I applaud you for giving your baby a chance to have what you couldn't give her. It's got to be terrible to be in that position but I think you did the wise thing. You will never forget her, never stop loving her but you did what you thought was best to ensure that she would be well taken care of. That's the ultimate sacrifice in my book!
Keep trying, check every agency you can find, see if you can get help to get back into school, don't quit! In 20 years your little girl just might come looking for her birth mother and you want to be the kind of person she can be proud of.
- 1 decade ago
There is a process of acceptance that comes with being a birth mother. I know, because I gave a little girl up for adoption a couple years ago. It was hard, but given the circumstances, it was best for both me and the child. It's an open adoption, so I get notification all the time of her progress, I get photos, and when she starts nursery school, they'll even send me pictures she draws and whatnot. As time goes on, it WILL get easier. I was a wreck for the first few months. But every time I see her with them, I knew I made the right decision. You can always call your adoption attorney and ask if they have a list of counselors that are available for you to talk to. Mine did, and I didn't pass that up. They can help you more than you know. Good luck to you!
- WillowLv 51 decade ago
If you do not want to give her up, don't. You will regret it. Call your local social service office. There is help available to you. You can get what is called TEA. Transitional Empoyment Assistance. It is a check to help you get by until you get a job.
When you are on TEA, social services helps you get a job (the company that hires you gets a tax break). They will also help with training or schooling if you want to go back to school. There are single parent scholarships to pay for education. They will also give you vouchers for child care, so that it won't cost to have your baby in day care.
THere is also food stamps for groceries nad WIC for formula or healthy food for you if you want to breastfeed.
There is nothing wrong with taking the help needed. Don't consider it a hand out; consider it a hand UP.
Oh and don't forget that you didn't make htis baby alone. Go after the father for child support. The court will make him take a DNA test and then he WILL be made to pay support.
If you want to raise this baby you CAN do it. If you need some moral support along the way, e mail me. I have been in a very similar situation. I have never regretted having and raising my child. ad now many years later I am married to a wonderful man and money is no longer an issues. Poverty can be a temprary problem.
And just ignore the asshats that are putting you down.Source(s): mom of 6, was once a young single mom
- 1 decade ago
I hate the term "giving up" It isn't giving up, it is choosing the right option.
If you must place the child for adoption, there are many, many loving people that would give her a wonderful life. If you do not choose to place her, then find a shelter, church group, anyone that can help you. Move if you have to if your sole desire is to parent that baby. Finding a decent job is hard, daycare is expensive, I understand that completely. Any way you can work from home? Watch a child or 2 for extra money? I would go after the daddy for child support. It is your right, it is that baby's right. The men don't get to run, they have to be responsible too.Source(s): foster mom, crisis care mom, mom, adoptive mom, day care provider
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- MimiLv 41 decade ago
Don't make a decision based on something temporary. Talk to social or church organization about what you can do to go to school, support yourself, get child support, get food stamps, and other assistance. If you feel you must do it, then at least know you gave her life and did what you thought was best. Maybe have an open adoption so you can see how she is doing.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
im sorry.but giving up for adoption is the best if you cant support her.mabey you have a friend that can take care of her or some thing.what about her dad?he should help you.he is related to her just as much as you are so you should take his *** to court and make him pay child support.and btw dont listen to the other ppl.if you rlly love her, you should get off your PC and find a job no matter how hard it is if you truly love, and want to keep this child.again im sorry you have to go thro this.
and if you already did put her up for adoption, i know you were only thinking of her, and that you cant take care of her but you did the right thing by placing her in a home that can.mabey you could meet the adopting parents so you can see her every now and then, get pics. ect. i hope it all works out
hope i helped :)
- Annie GLv 51 decade ago
As the mother of an adopted daughter, I want to tell you that I think you are very brave and also very wise for wanting your daughter to have what you know you cannot provide for her. I waited 12 years for my daughter and every day I am so very thankful for her courageous birth mother. She loved her enough to let her go when she knew she couldn't do right by her and in my opinion, that is the greatest love of all. God bless you for your decision and know that somewhere, there are two people who are thanking you as well for the greatest blessing of their lives.Source(s): personal experience
- 1 decade ago
Don't you dare let these asshol*s put you down....they have no idea. i had to give up my 2nd baby for adoption last year cause i had no money, no support. I know what u feel like.don't feel guilty. some ppl just cant have kids at all and you are giving them the gift of life. you are making a very mature decision. be proud of yourself that you wanted your baby to LIVE and have a wonderful life with ppl that are most likely gonna be great parents. i wish i could have kept him. But it was the best decision i had ever made. the best best wishes. e mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org...p.s. im preg. now 15wk 1dySource(s): personal........BE STRONG!!!
- foxylilalleyLv 51 decade ago
Do you have any friends that you and the baby can stay with. Are there other programs that can help you? I know in collin county Texas we have a homeless shelter that will help women and children find jobs then apartments and we also have A.C.O that will help with bills for one month. And will give you household supplies including diapers and vouchers for food and clothes.
Have you any friends that might need a baby sitter in exchange for rent and bills you could watch their kids. Check on craigslist. I really don't want you to give up your baby. Babies need their mothers. There is a bond there and you and the baby will suffer from being seperated. Praying for you and wishing you the best honey. Lots of love.
- AhimsaLv 61 decade ago
Apply for welfare if you have to. Adoption is a good choice if you have nowhere else to turn, but if you think your heart won't heal from this you need to try to keep her. Kids don't need as many toys or anything that people think they do. They need food, shelter, love, and a parent willing to give it their all to give them a good life.
- mktLv 51 decade ago
There's so many things that are not included here:
How old is the baby?
Have you applied for welfare -
If so, did you ask if there is help for childcare while you get back on your feet?
Can you get food stamps (this includes formula)?
Can you get medical?
Why can't you take care of her?
Your financial situation-
Your mental state-
If you DO give her up, have you considered open adoption? That way she KNOWS who her bio mom is, but she knows she lives w/ & is raised by her adoptive parents. She may even see you occasionally, you will get pics & updates.
If you DID give her up - what's done is done. It's HARD but you need to move on, look for her when shes 18. Get some therapy to learn to work through your feelings, if you can get medical this should be covered. If you already did this - know that you did it for the right reasons and you did it for HER. You were thinking only of her, and that's what a true mother does.
EDITED to add: I noticed you wrote no one is hiring. Look in places you never thought. What about the library (city jobs) or fast food, Starbucks, Home Depot - places are hiring, you just need to be creative. ;)