EASY 10 POINTSSSSSSSSSSS :))?

Can you just tell me if this is good please :) it's a poem

Dreams turned to death,

Voice turned to tears,

Love made her forget,

Love ended her years.

Laughter turned to screams,

Life turned to blood,

Love wasn't what it seemed,

Love just wasn't enough.

Hope turned to loneliness,

Smile turned to a frown,

Love caused this emptiness,

Love pushed her down.

Wishes turned to self-hatred,

Body turned to a shell,

Love turned her blade red,

Love became her hell.

Love turned her cold,

Love killed her inside,

Love destroyed her soul,

Love caused her suicide

Update:

yep I wrote it

Update 2:

ty I think I'll post more but you gotta promise to comment with your opinion

Update 3:

lol oh man umm mmm I guess but don't say it's yours please

Update 4:

ty again :)

Update 5:

if you think it's interesting click the button thingy lol

21 Answers

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  • Ayana
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Very dark. Very very dark. And yet lovely, beautiful even. It reads smoothly. Despite that most of it rhymes, and you would expect it all to because of that (I am aware that poetry does not need to rhyme), even the parts that don't rhyme work well.

    Excellent and powerful piece.

    --

    Why I think it's good.

    I think it reads smoothly, both in my head, and aloud. Thats right, I sat here, and read it out loud and didn't 'choke' on the words at all. I simply read it, and it came out smoothly.

    While it does repeat the word Love a lot, I do not think that it ruins it at all. It adds to the feel and the way it reads. I do not think the feeling of it would come across nearly as strongly or clearly with out it. There are no real rules in poetry. Putting rules to it destroys it. If you try to follow silly rules, and just what OTHER poets do, then your own work, your own feelings, your creativity gets lost.

    If poets only did, what other poets did, all poetry would be the same, and we would not have the beautiful variety that we have today.

    Love doesn't understand age. How do I know? I fell in love when I was 12/13 (looong time ago, hard to remember), and to this day... I still feel that love for her. I had to move on, I am now married.. but I still feel that love for her. Still feel the need to call every now and then to see if she's alright.

    I fail to see any vagueness. The words are strong, powerful, and meaningful.

    "A good poem makes someone think, feel, AND breathe deeply in awe."

    Only the poet can tell you what the poem should do. But generally, I've never "breathed deeply in awe" over poems such as this. Why? Tragic and sad poems are not awe inspiring. They are pain inspiring, they bring you sadness. They should touch you deep inside, but never cause awe. Awe is quite the opposite of what a sad poem should feel like. This poem makes me think about my friends and my family, the people who I have loved and lost. It reminds my of some one very close to me who killed her self over love. It evokes in me that same sadness that I felt all those years ago. And THAT is what a poem such as this should do.

    A poem should make you feel first and foremost. The rest depends on the poem.

    The repetition of the word Love in the poem, does not seem to take away from it, and it certainly does not currupt the flow of the poem. But rather, each time the word Love is said, it brings it to the forefront. It makes the cause of her suffering clear, and makes it all the more tragic and heart filled.

    Recommended poems,

    Plaint, by Ebenezer Elliott

    Bells, by Edgar Allen Poe

    Recommended reading

    http://www.poems-and-quotes.com/article.html?id=47...

    I would also like to say, that I think this would make a lovely song.

    -------------

    I have been reminded of a poem about the rules of poetry that I read..

    THE RULES OF POETRY

    by

    Douglas Florian

    Keep it short.

    Leave it long.

    Use bad grammar.

    Spell words wrong.

    Let the letters

    All f

    a

    l

    l

    down.

    Print a few lines

    Upside down.

    Change the rhythm.

    Never rhyme.

    Force the meter

    All the time.

    Find your keys.

    Lose your tools.

    By the way --

    THERE ARE NO RULES!

    ------

    To stifle the nay-sayers, I posted this in the Poetry section, and it got rave reviews from most of the people.

    http://answers.yahoo.com/question/?qid=20090131154...

    Only 9 out of 39 people had any thing negative to say at all. And some of those, liked it, and just added something constructive.

  • Mel
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Okay I studied Literature so let me give you my opinion and constructive criticism.

    I would say it's easily an amatuer.

    Word choice is vague, too much redundant repetition.

    There is definitely a lot of things missing in a good poem.

    For example, there isn't much rhythm.

    I don't feel the flow.

    Read it aloud and you see that you choke on your words.

    Too much "love".

    Also, rhyming alone doesn't make a poem good, although I must say you score in the rhyming.

    Next, I don't suppose poets would repeat a word too often unless there's an emphasis they want to create. As for yours, you might say, yes, you want to emphasize on Love.

    But it doesn't work that way. Repetition and emphasis in a poem comes with hidden meaning.

    Lastly, if you're just starting to write poems, I strongly caution against the cliche subject on Love. How old are you? Do you really know about love?

    I wrote my share of cheesy poems in my early high school days (I'm still in high school though) and likened them to my perception of "love", and I got unsavoury comments from the big poets.

    Now if you hate my comments and opinions, I suggest you put this piece in the "poetry" section. There will be more experienced critics there to judge you, should you doubt my capability in literature.

    Source(s): A good poem makes someone think, feel, AND breathe deeply in awe. PS: To be quite honest with you, I loved the first three lines. Afterwhich it all went spiralling down. PSS: To everyone else, they all said "oohh, so good, i love it!!!" Did they mention why???? Obviously, putting your poem here on LGBT and NOT the poetry section, you get answers from other amatuers. This is MY own constructive criticism. If you don't like it, go to poetry section and ask the real poets. To the thumbs down, shame on you. Try to explain why it's so good, and THEN I will admit I'm wrong.
  • Susan
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    Favorite song currently - Riot by Three Days Grace

  • 1 decade ago

    Honestly I think it's very good. On the dark side, reminds me a little of Edger Allan Poe, that's a compliment not a put down.

    You are very talented and should keep writing. I'm impressed.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    And yet, despite reading each and every word, I was still a little surprised by the suicide at the end. I guess its because it was the last word. You know "End of life, End of Poem." Final Scene. Roll Credits.

    I liked it ^_^ thanks for adding more poetry here! Never stop writing!

  • 1 decade ago

    It's beautiful and ugly, elegant and brutal, romantic and tragic. It's very finely worked and retains the spontaneity and passion that moves the heart. If it was a song, I think it would sound like something by Tracy Chapman. Thanks for posting it, I hope you post more.

  • Dao
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Fantastic poem! I think you deserve the 10 points for this poem!

  • 1 decade ago

    I love it! I like how it's about love, but not like cheesy "I love you, I want to be with you forever" love.

    Love can be nice and all, but there's a bad side to everything.

    Good job!

  • 1 decade ago

    I love it! Who wrote it? You? Its a little depressing but yea its really great.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Oh wow...

    Like, seriously... I can't even begin to describe how that made me feel.

    It's really, really good.

    You write beautifully and evocatively and aaaah.

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