This question sounds familiar and I think I've answered it before. It sounds to me that your husand is allowing this behavior from his son. Your husband cant control his daughter N' laws behavior, but he can control it at your home. The daughter n law obviously is a contol freak and is controlling her kids every move, what a big mistake that will be in the long run (but her issue). She has too many restrictions and rules when they are around you guys, and it may be okay in her home, but it shouldnt be that way in your home. I would 1st have your husband talk to his son, not so much about the way the children are being raised.. but about how they behave in your home and how they are disrespectful, dont bring up the way they are raising their kids.. it's their business, whether right or wrong, and they may find an excuse to stay away again. Its not fair their are so many conditions on this relationship and you and your husband need to be strong and let them know. It may mean they will stay away again, but I guarantee you they wont be happy for long and will return. Ultimately your husband needs to be on the same page with you on this to show them it's not going to be tolerated. And please stop trying to do everything in your power to please her, she's not happy with herself, therefore no one else is going to make her happy!