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Does anyone have any suggestions or good advice on how I can deal with a step daughter in law?

It is getting to the point where I feel like crawling in a whole and closing it over the top of me. My husband and I have been together for 20 years and we have never had any problems except for the ones that come at us from her and his son. They are both in their mid 30's and homeschooling their 3 children ages 6, 10, and 12. The children are so sweet and I love them dearly. It is a 110 mile trip to visit them and my husband works 7 days a week preparing for retirement in 2 years. We try to visit as much as possible and they come to visit us every now and then. Here is a list of some situations over the years that have taken place. 1. 12 years ago when the grandson was a baby I offered to babysit for them to have a night out ...the step daughter in law said that no one would take care of him but his real grandmother. 2. She does not want her children mixed with my biological grandchildren because she does not want any bad influence from kids in the public schools. 4 years ago my daughter and her 3 kids and hers went on a 1 day camping trip with us. My step grandson kept throwing craw fish on my daughters son and because she did not stop her son from doing that my grandson called him stupid. The step daughter in law made a big issue out of that statement toward my daughter until my daughter had enough and told her maybe you should put your kids in a regular school to learn some socialization skills. My daughter should not have made that comment to her because ever since then my husband and I are being made to pay for it. 3. We have to ask her what we can buy the children for christmas because if we give them to much she tells us that they will never spend christmas with us again and that is at their home not ours because she seperated her family from ours. My husband has not been himself for the past 6 months and ended up in the hospital due to a virus. He is ok now but upon the hospital visit from his son he stated to his father that him and his wife do not want things the way they used to be( they stayed away for 2 years due to some loyalty issues to his mother) So we need to get together more or else. The step daughter inlaw has issues with her only sibbling a brother his wife and their 3 children. Always having disagreements with her own mother and has never allow us alone time with our grandchildren ever in 12 years. The son is getting very rude and hurtful these days and just as bad as she is. They came over to watch a football game last week because they do not allow normal televison in their home due to the children. The step daughter wanted pizza and only stated to me that the 5 year old only liked plain cheese. I paid for 2 extra large 1 peperoni and 1 half cheese and half hamburgar for grandpa on his way home from work. The daughter in law went to my step son down in our family room and he came up the stairs in a flash and told me that I wasn't listening. I said ok no problem sweetie and ordered an extra large cheese and told him I misunderstood. I am sorry but I am getting to the point where I cannot take this anymore and my husband allows them to say and do what they want to walk all over me and always has an excuse for their rude behavior. I have always been very kind and considerate of them in everyway and I keep things to myself so my husband can see his grandchildren. If I say anything even in a nice way they will take the children from our lives and I do not want my husband to blame me for that. Has anyone ever been through something like this or have any suggestion on what I can do.

3 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    This question sounds familiar and I think I've answered it before. It sounds to me that your husand is allowing this behavior from his son. Your husband cant control his daughter N' laws behavior, but he can control it at your home. The daughter n law obviously is a contol freak and is controlling her kids every move, what a big mistake that will be in the long run (but her issue). She has too many restrictions and rules when they are around you guys, and it may be okay in her home, but it shouldnt be that way in your home. I would 1st have your husband talk to his son, not so much about the way the children are being raised.. but about how they behave in your home and how they are disrespectful, dont bring up the way they are raising their kids.. it's their business, whether right or wrong, and they may find an excuse to stay away again. Its not fair their are so many conditions on this relationship and you and your husband need to be strong and let them know. It may mean they will stay away again, but I guarantee you they wont be happy for long and will return. Ultimately your husband needs to be on the same page with you on this to show them it's not going to be tolerated. And please stop trying to do everything in your power to please her, she's not happy with herself, therefore no one else is going to make her happy!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    To be honest I stopped reading half way down. Massive blocks of writing like that are too difficult to read.

    What I'm thinking is: Have you ever told either of them how you actually feel? Could it be they don't realise they are doing it? If they are taking advantage of you, say no. You don't have to put up with it. If it's such a big issue, you should be able to talk to them and sort it out.

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  • 3 years ago

    expensive Jesus Loves You, thank-you. He loves you too. You sound like a sort, worrying, and giving guy or woman. i could like very a lot a lot to do my suited to furnish you my very suited suggestion. I frequently write those solutions from my telephone, that's a sluggish, tedious technique. attempting to edit my solutions is worse. i like to shorten words each time achieveable. My situation is you have used initials a lot, i do no longer understand what your asking. Please write you question returned. No offense meant.

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