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here is my First chapter 1 ~The Light~?

Name:Edward Michael Smith

age 17

Born London, England

Status:Vampire

Special Talents: Strength

Dob: April 15th 1800

height: 6'1

looks: Short brown Spikey hair with Blonde tips with amazing blue eyes which change from blue to topaz and then to black which depends on his thirst. His skin is white as snow and it is cold to touch and he has a very muscular.

Update:

my name is Edward michael smith i am 17 years old and i am 6'1. i was born on april 15th 1800's in london england. i have short brown spikey hair with blonde tips. i also have blue eyes that changes depending on my thirst. I have a muscular build and my skin is white as snow and which is cold to touch.

Update 2:

I've Been living in London england ever since i was little. London, England is a cold and rainy place for this time of the year.

But when I turned 17 I moved to a small town called Steinybrook California. But when i was still livin in london england i came down with a nasty viruis which made me and my parents very sick but then a few months later both of my parents died. And i was too weak to survive.

Update 3:

When I was walking on the streets of Steinybrook all of a sudden i felt dizzy and all of a sudden i collapsed on the ground. I Felt like i wanted to die. But out of nowhere i felt someone pickin me up off of the ground. When I looked up there was a tall thin man carrying me back to a small building and layed me down on a cold table and i tried to speak. But the tall man said SSSH don't try to speak. Your safe now i'm here to save you. The Tall man said to me was my name is Dr Alex Conners. and he looked down at me and said you must be edward. I looked at him and smiled and shook my head yes. But then after that i passed out. but after i woke up and i was feeling pressure to the left side of my kneck on my left side. It felt like sharp teeth going in me. But when i looked up when it was over and there was dr Alex conners over me with his fangs out and he was lickin his lips. Dr Alex said "Edward how are you feeling." before i could finish what i was saying and then i passed out.

Update 4:

Then Dr Alex said Sleep now Edward Sleep. Then the next morning i woke up and i raised uo and i felt better much better. As i got up and i walked in the kitchen there was dr Alex sitting at the breakfest table as he lifted up his head and looked at me and said "Good Morning Edward how are you feeling today" i said i am feeling much better now Dr conners. Alex said Edward just call me alex. Then i said okay alex then i looked up and looked at those pictures that alex had hangin up on the wall. Then Alex said that is my wife adreanna and my 4 kids Alice, Jasper, Emment and Rosie. Then i said okay. Then Alex said 2 of sons jasper and emmettt are the same age as you. I said are they all in the same school as each other. Alex said yes they are. I looked around and said Where is everyone. Alex said Adreanna and the kids are out they should be back real soon.Then i said do you think they will like me.

Update 5:

Of course edward they will love you alex said. Then i opened my mouth how would they like me and love me i'm not even family. But Alex interviened Yes you are family Edward. I have registered you in school. Then i said thank you mr conners and then i smiled. Alex says are you hungry edward. Then i told him no i am not hungary. Alex said Edward you have to eat something you need your strength . I just cant eat that Human Food because it just makes me sick if i eat it. Alex said okay Edward if you get hungry later there is some Blood in the Fridge to drink. I said Okay I guess i am gonna watch some tv. Then Alex said okay Edward i will see you later on tonight i am off to work alex said. Before i could say Goodbye Alex was gone. As i layed down on the couch and i was flippin through channels to watch. But then i couldn't find anything on tv so i turned the tv off and went sleep. And when i was asleep but then i started Havin nightmares about my past and the fact that i lost my

Update 6:

parents due to a leathal virus that took their life but nearly took my own life. I started sweatin real bad and tossin and turnin and i started yellin and screaming but then i felt a hand on my shoulder tryin to wake me up and all i heard was Edward wake up and then i jumped and i was awake and then i looked up and there was alex.

5 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    is this some sort of joke

    you publish this and you'll get sued

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  • 1 decade ago

    This is more like an information dump than an actual chapter. All you do is tell us about Edward and how he looks and where he is from. There is very little actual story.

    Also, you don't need the character profile before the chapter starts if you do it properly and slowly introduce details about the character. Readers don't want to read character profiles. Readers want to read the story.

    Your writing sounds very young. Keep at it, the only way to improve is to practise. =)

    You need serious help with formatting a story, grammar and punctuation.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I love the fact that Twilight was probably your inspiration for this story, I loved the entire Twilight Series, but this sounds exactly like it except for changing a few names.

    I would suggest that if you want to write a vampire novel like Twilight change a lot more than that or you will face copywrite issues in the future.

    Good luck!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Sounds a lot like Twilight

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  • 1 decade ago

    Its not very well written and sounds far too much like twilight.

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