Is it a relationship if he's married?

Here's my problem. My husband and I got involved with another couple. To make a long story short..my husband and i got divorced and the other couple seperated. me and the other guy feel in love and were seeing each other throughout the whole thing. He has been telling me for 8 months that he is going to get divorced but they still have not even started it. He has told me that we should do our own thing for a while and he couldn't committe to me. He said it shoudl be enough of a committment that he loves me and he's not going to see anyone else but he couldn't give me any guarantees. He tells me he doesn't want me to see anyone else but he cant give me a relationship.

Anyways, throughout this whole process which has been very difficult especially since we all have kids and shattered our lives, I ended up going home with another man. I'm not sure why I did, I love this guy more than anything and now he is really hurt and mad and told me he's done. Is there anyway that I can fix this? Do I even try? Just need a littel help..please

23 Answers

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  • JustMe
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    So he isn't willing to divorce his wife and commit to you. So you are just supposed to wait around until he is ready? What kind of bullshit is that? Then he gets mad when the woman he won't commit to was with someone else? So he's adding bullshit to the other pile he shoveled out to you before. Why even try? I wouldn't go crawling back to a man that won't commit to me and gets mad when I'm not committed to him either.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    ok so this appears to be a swinger thing. mayb u n ur x are or were just experimenting. but it sound like the other cpl were swingers. mayb they didnt tell u they really were. i know a lot of ppl in this situation. for ex. we'll say there names r j & m. they loved eachother more than nething. they did the whole cpls thing and loved it but this lead to the thought that it was okay to seperatly "cheat". so when one did the other did. and it went back n forth. they continueslly hurt eachother this way. until one day this cpl they were seeing got divorced. j feel in love with the other women and made promises of every tomorrow. but he never fulfilled them because all in all he was still in love with m and couldnt leave her. but he was so hurt by what they did to eachother he didnt know what to do and just left everything "floating". eventually the other woman couldnt handle this and found someone new. where this is slightly different from ur story, the same applies to what i told j. neways, he has issues to deal with and he expects u to be there at his beckon call. dont be youll hurt more in the end. as j thought he could have the best of both worlds. so does this guy. no j hasnt the other woman or m. and hes alone. solet this man be alone honey!

  • 1 decade ago

    He is not going to get a divorce. No matter what he's telling you, if he really wanted to be with you and only you he would begin filing and he's not doing that. He's even told you he is married and that he can't commit to you so he's telling you with those words, he is not getting a divorce. He is playing with you knowing you love him and will be with him as long as he says the right things. He's pushing you away, like a married man should but then he's telling you he won't see anyone else but you - uh, he's also seeing his wife, did you both forget about her? He isn't giving you guarantees because there are none. He is married and you're his piece on the side and that's the way it's going to be. Move on with your life. You've been through enough and don't need more BS to deal with.

  • jzfox
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Not going to get into any kind of lecture about swinging/open relationships, I'm sure you are already seeing the negatives because of that. What will say is, how can you really expect someone who obviously likes that kind of lifestyle to commit to you, when he obviously couldn't to his wife? If you are OK with a very open relationship with practically no ties, then that's what you are going to get. If you are looking for something more of a commitment, then good luck, it won't happen.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Chances are high he is seeing others since he will not commit to you. Did you honestly believe due to the nature of your involvement? When couples go out of their marriage without boundaries, emotional issues occur and ultimately end the way it did with you. First thing is to get "you " together as a person because I believe you are looking for someone to be assist you through the hard times. Loneliness and pain is what you are dealing with due to the break up of your marriage and the unfaithfulness of your actions as well as the new man in your life. He is never going to be attatched to only one woman so move on.

  • 3 years ago

    were given a boyfriend of almost 2 years. maximum cancers sunlight/ taurus moon/ venus maximum cancers. Emotional trainwreck. i wager Aquarius/ maximum cancers comments are good lol they sound a twin of my problem. beginning to have the awkward guy pal section. he's pisces. i'm intrigued yet favor to stay faraway from water indications now lol. i'm Aquarius sunlight/ scorpio moon/ venus capricorn/ virgo increasing

  • Poppy
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Actually you need a lot of help. You screwed up on two accounts. As you now know swapping is rarely a good idea. Falling for that person and then cheating on him is also not a good idea. Call it a day and turn out the lights. This party is over. Sorry!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Why did you tell someone you are not in a relationship with that you slept with someone else in the first place? Did he really have to know??

    Anyways, I would go ahead and worry about your life. I don't foresee this man leaving his current relationship any time soon.

    Good Luck!

  • 1 decade ago

    what a mess make a clean break this guy does not want to be involved you might just be too available you should concentrate on piecing your life back together so you can have a stable life with your kids you should have learned what a mess this broke up two families and it was all about sex

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    What you do; and who you do, is your business and no one elses -- married or not. If you want to be involved with the new guy, then be involved with him. Apparently it's good for both of you on some level. This will allow the other two spouses to move on with their lives.

    Source(s): Experience.
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