Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingPregnancy · 1 decade ago

would it be selfish to give my baby up for adoption?

I really want opinions here...I know it is possible to be a teen parent, and I know it would be hard. I understand there is schools and resources available to teen mothers, but what if I don't want to be a parent at 16. I know girls and have a friend who chose to keep their babies, so I know its possible. I have plans for my life,and I am a junior in high school,I am 16, and I want to go to college to be a nurse in labor and delivery, or pediatrics. I am wondering if you all think it would be selfish to give my baby up for adoption? I am kinda confused as to wether it would be SELFISH to give up my baby, even though I understand I CAN keep my baby, or SELFLESS to give it to a couple who can't have children, and who are more prepared, financially responsible, can most likely give a child a better life than a teen parent.

So my question is,

Would it be a selfish decision to give my baby up for adoption so that I can finish high school, and go on to reach my dreams of being a nurse?..

I really need opinions, and PLEASE NO RUDE ANSWERS...

just to clear things up, I found out today I AM NOT pregnant, but I am just wondering about this, since it could happen even though I am on birth control.

21 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    My dear you would be making a wise decision not only for yourself but for your child. Rather than keeping the baby & not able to provide for it give it the best gift you as a mother could ever give it & give it up for adoption.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Yes and no. You're concerned for your baby because you're not ready and you still want to grow up and do what you wanted to do without the baby. It isn't a bad thing though. It's way better than having an abortion. I'm not too in touch with how the adoption things work, but I would want my child to be able to reach me if it wanted to when it got older and of course I'd have to prepare for the worse of why I did it and such. Just be responsible. If you can't take care of a baby right now then why even put yourself in the position where it's possible. I think a baby is such a blessing and if you were meant to have a child then you will. I also think whenever you do get pregnant, even though sometimes it's hard to understand or understand what the reasons are, everything happens for a reason and it would be to make you a stronger person or get through tough times and appreciate things.

    Okay, babbling. sorry! I hope everything works out and good luck:)

  • 1 decade ago

    No, it's not selfish, but it's not simple either. I am an adopted child, and the parent of an adopted child, and a student in a professional psychology program. While adoption can be a wonderful thing, it is NOT easy. No matter how great the adoptive family is, how much they can provide for the child, or how much love they have in their hearts, there are a lot of potential problems with adoption that most people don't know about.

    Children who are given up for adoption - even in the best of circumstances - often suffer emotional trauma from being separated from their birth mother. Think about it: the baby spends 9 months bonding with the mother, then is torn away from the mother and placed in the arms of a strange woman, and never sees the birth mother again. Sometimes these children grow up with a severe mental disorder called Reactive Attachment Disorder (do a Google search for more info) and are never able to form healthy relationships with other people. They grow up terrified of being abandoned because they were abandoned by their birth mother, so they never learn to love and trust people.

    Even if the child doesn't end up with an attachment disorder and bonds really well with the adoptive parents, the child will always wonder what his or her birth parents were like, and if the legal paperwork for the adoption isn't done as an "open adoption", then it is illegal for the child to find out the birth parents' names! The child may want to know who the birth parents are, but are afraid to ask their adoptive parents because they don't want to hurt their feelings (like saying "You're not my REAL parents; I want to meet my birth parents"). Or they might go ahead and say that all the time, to hurt their adoptive parents' feelings on purpose!!

    Even if the adoptive parents lie to the child and they don't know they're adopted, instinctively the child KNOWS that somehow they don't "fit in" with the adoptive family - they don't look alike or act alike because they're not biologically related. Other family members and friends sometimes treat adopted kids differently because they're not "real" children (like refusing to buy them birthday and Christmas presents or invite them to family gatherings). Besides, the adoptive parents can only lie for so long before some "helpful" person decided to tell the kid the truth... Then the kid is confused and mad at the adoptive parents for lying to them their whole life.

    BUT.... having said all that... if you feel like you would be a bad parent - ignoring the baby when it cries, getting mad and yelling when it does something wrong, not ever being there to hold the baby and take care of its needs... then yes, adoption is the best thing for the baby, because the baby's life would suck and he/she would DEFINITELY grow up with some kind of mental disorder! But if you think you would be a loving, caring, responsible mom... it's better to keep the baby!

  • 1 decade ago

    I don't think it is selfish at all. You are sixteen and although there are many parents out there that age some even young the truth is most are not mature enough and definitely not financial sounds enough to have a child. I don't look at it as a negative thing for a person to give a baby up for adoption especially when the baby with more than likely be bought into a house that can afford what they need and want.

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  • 1 decade ago

    No it would not be selfish. It would be selfish to keep a baby that you do not want and can not provide for and deprive another couple of that happiness. HOWEVER! Sex comes with a big responsibility and that responsibility is a baby and you know the risk that even though you are on birth control that you can get pregnant therefore you should be doing EVERYTHING in your power not to get pregnant so USE A CONDOM or avoid sex all together. Good luck. Please be smart. There are so many children in foster homes and orphanages that need to be adopted. And adoption and abortion are NOT forms of birth control. Stay young.

  • beagle
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    no i think you have made a very adult decision looking out for somebody Else's well being the best thing you could do for you and the baby i know this is going to be really hard to do but just remember all the things that a couple that has a home jobs not in high school could give this baby i had a baby at 18 and that was hard enough i dont think you are being selfish at all .

  • 1 decade ago

    I would really think it over, i was 18 when i had my daughter and altho i was out of high school i was planning on going to college, in 21 now and im my last year, i live on my own and raise her on my own, its super hard but its worth it in the long run. If you do not feel like you are ready to have a baby its not selfish of you, i think you should have been more responsible about having sex but thats besides that face, if you think its better for the baby and you then im sure a couple would be thrilled to have them. my only suggestion would be to go to counseling or something first because hwat happens if your really not ready to give the baby up and then you regret it for the rest of your life, i would say go to counseling and figure out what you really want to do. if you have a supportive family it helps alot to.

  • 1 decade ago

    No it wouldn't be self-fish to give up your baby for adoption. The truth is your totally being unself-fish about all this, because you can't provide everything for this child. Some happy couple would love to adopt your baby, so don't worry for the child. Seems like you really thought this through, so I say go with what your heart tells you. :D

  • 1 decade ago

    It would not be selfish at all to do what you feel is best for you and your baby (Congrats now on being in the clear).

    I was given up for adoption because my 15 year old biological mother realized that she just wasn't prepared for the responsibility of motherhood. She wished she could keep me, but she knew it wasn't best for either of us. I met her as an adult and we are the best of friends now, and I respect her deeply for her decision.

  • 1 decade ago

    Nope. It would not be selfish at all if u put your baby up for adoption. You know that your not really ready. And that it will be harder for you. And plus like you said, you could be giving him or her to a couple that cannot have children but really would like to have a child of their own.

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