How do I use a vacuum cleaner as a masturbation aid?

I hear stories about guys using vacuum cleaners for stuff other than housework. Is that for real, how you doin' that? Which is the best model to use, AC or DC? Which buttons do I need to press? How do I clean up the aftermath? What other electrical appliances can be used for self gratification, I have a... show more I hear stories about guys using vacuum cleaners for stuff other than housework.
Is that for real, how you doin' that?
Which is the best model to use, AC or DC?
Which buttons do I need to press?
How do I clean up the aftermath?
What other electrical appliances can be used for self gratification, I have a whole bunch of weird things in my kitchen and toolshed.
Are there any safety precautions I should look out for, I wouldn't want to have an accident.
What appliances do the ladies prefer?
Thanking you in advance.
13 answers