IS THIS APPROPRIATE OR AM I BEING UNREASONABLE?

My lover's daughter is 17, and I think that this is in appropriate behavior. He and I have been together for 6 years. I have lived in the home he is now sharing with his daughter. In fact, I moved out b/c we do not want to marry, but his daughter was having serious problems w/ her mother (his 2nd exwife) & wanted to move out of her house, so we decided we shouldn't be shacking up w/ her in the house, so I got my own place.

I like her. I think that she's a troubled youth, though. I am a nail tech and have done her nails for her for free a bunch, and try to treat her respectfully as an adult b/c she's 17.

Anyway, and I may be a little jealous and know that's irrational, but at least I can admit it, but the problem is beyond that, and I think that even if I was totally not at all jealous, then I'd still be uncomfortable w/ this.

She has an older boyfriend and is sexually active. Her dad worries that her morals are in the toilet and after seeing her myspace photo, he thought 'good lord, she wants to be a stripper or a porn star.' It was not a naked photo, it's just her posing provactively & he also says who does she think she is w/ the way she struts around the house and the tight clothes she tries to wear to school.

Anyway, I was over there the other night & went on a long walk w/ my man & our dog. She had seen me and knew I was there. I am certain that before the walk she had on substantial clothes, but when we came back she had on a thin pair of white boxer shorts that were totally rolled down to her public bone (much lower than the navel) & she had on a sports bra & nothing else. I told my lover that this was inappropriate dress for her b/c they live together alone & she is no kid. Her boyfriend lives over an hour away, so she wasn't doing it for him. But with all the ado my partner makes about her clothes at school, her sexual activity w/ her boyfriend, and all, he didn't seem to think it was a big deal that she's totally walking around in underwear, and in front of me no less. Since I'm a guest there, I expect some decorum. If she's tramping around in underwear, I don't want to see it. But that's just it. He's never really noticed this, and I believe him b/c he doesn't see her like that, but on the other hand, he complains about her promiscuity and all. And while I admitted there may be some jealousy there and esp b/c I moved out so she could live with him, I think she may also be jealous. No doubt his exwife wouldn't like us being friends. Anyway, she should wear more clothes at least when others are over, and I also think that she would never have done that if it were someone else over. I told him what I thought and he says she's just feeling comfortable and safe, but I decline to go back until somethings changed. What do you think? and thanks in advance for your comments. I have tried to present the details for this question as unbiased as possible for me to do. Advice? Is this appropriate? Am I over reacting?

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  • 1 decade ago
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    If it's his daughter, then I wouldn't worry about it. It doesn't even make sense for her to be dressing in appropriately for the sake of her father noticing. It's her father. Although it sounds like she is dressing inappropriately, I do not think it is done to upset you. Even she must THINK that you wouldn't be jealous of her because she is the daughter.

    Judging on what you are saying, I have to believe that she is just seeking attention. Maybe she wants her father to tell her to dress more appropriately... making she is seeking boundries? I'm not really sure. Whatever the case may be, I wouldn't worry too much about it. If it was your boyfriend's neighbor, I would be concerned but not his daughter.

    I hope this helps!

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